An Apology
About eleven years we moved into our current home. The neighborhood borders on a field that is currently unused. They did build a new neighborhood on one side and so the wild life that lived there had to relocate. We occasionally see raccoons, possums, pigs, coyotes, and even the occasional alligator.
This presented problems for our cats at the time. They were indoor/outdoor cats that had been pretty safe at our previous home. This changed in the new neighborhood. Three of our cats went missing within the span of about a year. Two of them were sickly. One of them we were quite certain just ran away to die on her own. The other was suffering from a likely bladder infection, so we thought the same had happened to him. However, the third was a perfectly healthy cat that had grown close to our daughter. We thought it was highly unlikely that he would have run away. We suspected foul play.
Maybe a I should say fowl play. Around that time we noticed than an owl started to perch on our roof. We called him “Owlie”. In a house with as many as four cats he just seemed like another family pet. Yet, we couldn’t get past the stories. Supposedly, owls have been known to swoop down and take smaller cats and dogs. We immediately suspected Owlie.
Needless to say we don’t allow our cats outside anymore. It’s just too dangerous for them. We do have a 100 pound Rottweiler/lab mix that should be able to fend off Owlie and any of his friends. Those include coyotes that bay at night and occasional pigs that look for food in the yard. He is naturally proprietary about our home and has adopted the cats as members of the family.
Without any warning Owlie left us. We had naturally assumed that the motives were sinister. We no longer let our cats out and the dog is too big to go after. So, we assumed he went to a new house that had cats roaming around. Maybe he flew south for the winter, but I don’t know if Owlie does that sort of thing.
Our thinking evolved as we saw the other wildlife. Maybe an alligator was quick enough to take care of Owlie. Maybe one of the coyotes took him out in a titanic battle between fowl and varmint. Maybe Owlie flew too close to the feral pigs . I suppose the state of nature provides for endless possibilities. Either way we had be casting aspersions on Owlie and all of his animal friends to everyone we knew. We warned them about their pets and the impending danger that these “undocumented” animals obviously brought to our neighborhood. They were bringing death, disease, and property damage with them. Sure, I suppose some of them were nice animals, but most came from deranged insane asylums for wayward beasts.
As it turns out, Owlie and his furry friends were likely victims of human migrants in search for food. I have to admit that I’ve never seen migrants perusing the local greenbelt for food sources, but maybe they do it at night. Maybe it was one of the many workers that came through the neighborhood to mow the common areas or trim the trees. Maybe it is damn dirty migrants posing as hard working contractors and repairmen. We are onto their dirty little secret. They are hunting down Owlie and his friends.
We’re sorry Owlie. We hardly knew you and we blamed all of this nasty death and destruction on you. You were likely a victim yourself of nasty migrants in search of food. The liberal media doesn’t want you to hear about this. They want you to believe Fluffy ran away or got lost. They want you to believe that Fluffy may have encountered a wild “undocumented” animal. It is pure scapegoating. They are all victims of the cycle of migrant/pet violence. Do better mainstream media. We expect more from you and wherever you are Owlie, we’re sorry.
Everything that this batshit crazy old sonuvabitch says is some whackjob propaganda piece that he’s read or heard from a RWNJ ‘news’ source.
For example:
Quoting Donald J Trump, 10 Sep 2024:
“In Springfield, THEY’RE EATING THE DOGS. the people that came in, they’re eating the cats. they’re eating— they’re eating the pets of the people that live there. and this is what’s happening in our country.”
(At the drive up window — I’ll have two Beagle Burgers and four Tabby Tacos, with fries and ice tea….
1But, he saw it on “television” so it has to be true! Right?
2If I was a betting man I lay odds that the cat culprit was likely a coyote of the 4 legged persuasion.
3Legitimate world leaders that may have followed the debate have to be wondering how trumpf could actually be in the race for president. It’s baffling me, too.
4Possibly his objective was not to beat her but keep his maga together for the election to avoid jail.
5Seriously, owls are a hazard to small critters and pets
I’ve actually waved off attacking owls swooping down on barncats before. Late at night while the cat was slinking around in the weeds, owls hooting from the oak trees, then a set of huge wings silently aiming at the unsuspecting cat. Spotting what’s happening I jumped over with my arms waving, owls veered off and missed an easy meal; that time.
Having a variable number of outside only barncats, their numbers vary from time to time. Some doubtless fall prey to predators such as owls and coyotes and whatever else lurks around out here in the boonies.
6If you live in the woods, you have to expect corpses.
I found a dead fawn in my barn, without a mark on her. A hawk spent about a day and a half crashing around the porch before dying. I think she ate a rodent that had been poisoned by one of the neighbors.
This year, a pair of retired veterinarians bought a house near me. We had a sudden population boom in housecats.
I sent a blast saying more cats meant fewer birds and if anyone was responsible, they should keep their cats inside. No improvement.
So my neighbor, the Marine, announced that any cat he saw was a dead cat, on account of protecting his laying hens.
I don’t know whether the vets are keeping their predators indoors or the Marine killed the cats, but we ain’t got no cats in the barn any more.
7To be serious for a moment, my money is on the coyotes. We live next to what amounts to a swamp. There’s any number of things living in there. I tried satire and I suppose it isn’t my wheelhouse.
8Nick @ 8
As failed satirist myself, I’d say you set yourself an impossible task. some things are beyond satire.
Although some of the cat illustrations are pretty funny.
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