An Absolutely True Story
In the “I don’t think that’s what that means” department.
At the local library as two older women were on their way to a Daughters of the War of 1812 meeting. Can’t help but overhear this conversation because they were not whispering in the library.
“I am so disappointed because the rapture didn’t happen yesterday. A man on Facebook who is usually right about his predictions said the Rapture was going to be yesterday. It wasn’t. (Her friend nods in agreement.) I am so disappointed.
“I am just sick of this fake news stuff,” she concluded.
Can you even imagine? Fake news on Facebook about the rapture?
I just looked it up. Apparently even Fox News carried it.
I have just one burning question: What does one wear to bed if one thinks the rapture might come during the night?
Nothing (if you are a Raptee). Everyone knows that your clothes are also Left Behind!
1All white with a gold halo/tiara, just in case, so you can blend in with the crowd in the elevator going up.
2Newsflash: The rapture DID happen. Few made the cut…(oh well, maybe next year…)
3There are people who look at me with kind of a “poor thing” expression on their faces when I tell them there are actually places in this country where adequate, let alone frequent newspapers do not exist, plus the fact that Broadband doesn’t come anywhere near them. And this is what happens!!
4And people wonder why I wear my “DOES NOT PLAY WELL WITH STUPID PEOPLE” button every time I go anywhere.
5I just hope I get wine with my boxed seat in hell.
6Your tin foil MAGA hat
7https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1515066778621246&set=a.101554476639157.904.100003538143537&type=3&theater
8Hey, ladies–it did happen, but you didn’t make the cut.
“Many are called, but few are chosen.” And I’m guessing racists, bigots, and snooty people didn’t make it.
Bless your hearts.
9Good question! I thought I was Rapture Ready since Trump took office by eating my favorite ‘last meal’ every night but now I see I have much more preparedness to do. Thanks!
10Thank you Brian, can I repost that? BTW I never saw that rapture story,but then I am selective about my news feeds and never watch Fox, even for the weather report. Being selective might indicate that I am in my happy Echo Chamber, but I am OK with that. I still find plenty of trolls to chase back under the bridge.
11Nothing if you’re not a raptee, either, because once they’re gone is when we can really get this party started!
12I almost wish The Rapture would come and suck all of the religious nuts off the planet. Those of us left behind could have a big ‘ole party in OUR version of Heaven.
13Linda… please do. Honestly, it’s exactly the situation I’m hoping for! 🙂
14This sounds like a business opportunity for a wealthy right wing plutocrat. Buy up a huge tract of land, and incorporate it as Rapture, TX. Set up the town to reflect life after the rapture, perhaps streets named after stuff revealed in Revelations, etc.
All the buildings are painted white. Entry into town is on Golden Boulevard through St Peter’s Gate, where visitors pay an admission fee.
No more disappointments when the predictions are wrong, just pack up and move there.
15I’ve always been partial to the theory that the Rapture happened during the lifetime of those in the audience in Matthew 16:28, as was promised. Everyone alive today missed the boat – it sailed almost 2000 years before we were born.
16“Don’t believe everything you read on the Internet.” ~Abraham Lincoln (press release 1868)
17I will never cease to be amazed that the President holding the record for verified lies can get away with making a claim for Fake News. But he knows what his audience wants to believe and they fervently want everything going against what they don’t want to believe labeled as fake news.
I think the lady needs Rapture protection to keep her brains from falling out of her mouth. I recommend a trusst.
18Oh, dear Library Lady, if that’s the only fake news you recognized, you really need help. Stick to CNN or MSNBC; avoid Fox News. You may be shocked at first, but you will be much better informed.
19I do these internetty computer-gimmicky things for a living. I had to cringe at the Fox News link:
http://www.foxnews.com/ —>science<— /2018/04/23/rapture-prediction-for-april-23-just-latest-kooky-doomsday-calls.html
REALLY? This was a SCIENCE story???????
20The ladies in the library would do well to read the excellent & highly regarded book “The Rapture Exposed” by Lutheran Pastor Barbara Rossing. It exposes the rapture for the “fake news” that it is. There might even be a copy available to check out!
21Ummm.
22Clean underwear? Is going to heaven like going to the ER?
Rapture/ER:
23Absolutely clean underware.
A list of your medications
and your allergies.
Toothbrush
Ear plugs considering the people you might be with.
Maps, people, maps. Immediately. We need to distribute maps to the Palestine with elaborate instructions for the rapture crowd. Suggestions on how much lumber to carry, how tight to wear their crowns of thorns, and the “best” routes for them to take to ensure their success. Displaying advanced knowledge of Israeli or Hama checkpoints in your maps scores extra points.
24You’re naked and surprised. Rapture sucks you right out of your nightie or your tux or whatever. Don’t bother buying comfortable shoes or compression stockings for the trip either, waste of money your sinner kids could have used. I’m dreading it.
25So, the link debunking the claim cited real biblical interpretation? What if that book is a complete hoax?
I was also amused by the statement that mistaken claims about the end of the world go back at least as far as the Revolution. Doesn’t anybody know any history?
Why do we even have schools?
26Last time the Rapture was heavily advertised, some folks were cashing in by selling Rapture Pet Insurance: for a fee, they would take care of your beloved pets after you got Raptured. I wish I’d gotten in on that, but we’re a heavily blue county and I don’t think we have too many Rapture believers here.
27Rhea:
Better: “Rapture Insurance for Pets” (RIP).
Animals, pets, are innocent and much more likely to be taken into heaven than the majority of their masters. Assuming, of course, that there is a heaven and a hell and that we’re not in one or the other already.
Trying to explain the unknown with religion is akin to teaching an eel to ride a bicycle. The universe runs on principles too large to fit inside a human skull.
Saying “I don’t know” and accepting it can be a liberating and enlightening experience.
28Dice, it’s been suggested that Earth is where other planets send their crazy people. This would be hard to disprove.
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