Look, things are so bad in England right now that the only sensible and kind solution is for us to make them the 51st State.  However, they don’t get two Senators or any House members at all.  If you want to call it “payback” for taxation without representation that’s a little harsh. True, but harsh.

There are some drawbacks, however.

First, we’d have to decide once and for all what football is. Is it football or is it soccer? I think we need an answer.

We’d have to print ballots in two languages:  English and whatever Harry Potter language it is that they speak.

The little prince will have to get involved with a Kardashian.

We get Dame Judith Dench. They have to take Kanye.

They can come to our horse races and they can even wear those hats, but none of that tea drinking. It’s Mint Juleps or go home.

You know those little sandwiches with the crust cut off filled with cucumber? No. Don’t do that. Come to think of it, we shouldn’t allow them to cook at all.

They have to shuddup about Martin Luther when the Pope visits.

Polo and Cricket are out. I have no idea what the point of those games are, but there are way too many mallets involved.  How would baseball be if everybody on the field had a bat?  It’d be polo, that’s what.  If it doesn’t involve the infield fly rule or first downs, just don’t do it.

If you’re going to call it Boxing Day, boxing has to be involved.

They can keep the Queen. Her idiot son is quite another matter.

Michael Gove? We’ll ask him to do the honor of swimming over to DeeCee to finalize this contract.

All of these rules are open for revision and addition by the customers and staff of The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.