Knock Knock
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Annie.
Annie who?
Annie one not voted yet?
While we are waiting to find out what the voters hath wrought in this latest election, I invite you to partake in this list of one- and two-liner jokes of the political kind. If you’ve heard any of these before, tough. I haven’t.
What’s the problem with political jokes?
They get elected president.
In what state was George Washington born?
Naked and crying, just like the rest of us.
Stop repeat offenders. Don’t re-elect them!
How can you tell the difference between a president and an actor?
One leads the land, while the other lands the lead.
How are presidents like diapers?
They need to be changed regularly and for the same reason.
America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.
What is the fastest way to get Trump to change a light bulb?
Tell him Obama installed it.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Senator.
The NSA: a government organization that actually listens to you!
I don’t approve of political jokes… I’ve seen too many of them get elected.
There’s a term for a president like Donald Trump, probably not a second, though.
How did Trump respond when he was asked how to deal with Hurricane Helene?
“Pay her the same as Stormy Daniels!”
What’s the difference between a platypus and George Washington?
One has a bill on his face, the other has his face on a bill.
What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware?
Get in the boat!
Which rock group has four men who don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore
“Because it would be hilarious,” is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be President.
I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it’s Election Night.
How many congressmen does it take to fix a flat tire? None. They’re all afraid of inflation.
Why did Ted Cruz go to culinary school? To could learn how to cook the books.
We need to show compassion for the mentally ill without letting them run for President.
Why can’t Congress ever be vegan?
Because all the turkeys playing chicken in a beef over pork is pretty fishy.
If Con is the opposite of Pro, then is Congress the opposite of Progress?
The consensus in this election is that 100% of Americans think 50% of Americans have lost their minds.
Hahaha thanks Half Empty! Humor the best medicine!
1Thanks for helping us smile less than 24 hours before election day cuz that’s kinda hard.
2I posted this a couple articles down but in case you didn’t see it, my dog and I both love this image.
https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2024/11/3/2282342/-NBC-provided-equal-time-to-rump-in-response-to-Harris-appearance-on-SNL-It-did-not-go-viral-LOL?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=trending&pm_medium=web
3Texas, always bragging about itself, certainly has the biggest
4joke in politics now: Ted Cruz. And for all the tall tales and
outrageous characters that have emerged over the years from
Texas it seems to me that Cruz is the biggest of all – but not in
a good way, or a funny way, or perhaps in an uplifting mythological way. Nope. Just in a cussed, mean, nasty, fat-ass
way. He is “wipe your shoes off” icky. I pity his poor daughters.
The wife appears to have been bought off long ago.