A step back
I’m depressed. I suppose there are many kinds of depression. There is the padded room with heavy medication kind. There is the soul crippling can’t move a muscle kind. On the other end of the spectrum there is the “I heard some bad news and I have the blues” kind.
For those of you that aren’t mental health professionals (I’m really not either although I have a masters in Counseling) dysthymia is more of a minor depression. Think of it as seeing the world with a pair of gray colored glasses on. Nothing is black per se. The colors just dim and the beauty gets muted. Suddenly, enjoyable activities aren’t so enjoyable anymore.
This is what brings me to today’s topic. Writing brings me joy. If I have learned anything since my diagnosis it is that we all have to find joy in our life. However, over the past couple of weeks writing has not been giving me joy. They are painful topics and the current landscape of the world seems to be a constellation of bad news that form a very bleak picture.
Some people in the gulf south still have no power after a hurricane hit eight days ago. The workers are working hard, but the company seems to be fumbling about and those in power at the state level could honestly give a shit. If they did they would have fixed the grid three years ago when it spectacularly failed. Moreover, the depressing part is that a majority of Texans continue to vote for these ass clowns even in the face of their failure.
Then we get the other news from the weekend and early part of the week. Combine that with a complicit Supreme Court and we have a man that literally will not be held accountable for dozens of felonies. Then, a whack job tries to kill him and ends up causing more damage to the cause. Even if he had succeeded in his quest it would have caused more damage. Political violence and violence of all kinds brings damage.
The reaction of the ex-president and some of his followers was more disheartening. He paused for a damn photo op. Who does that? Then, you get the sheep that post this on their social media like some kind of battle cry. One guy even got it tattooed to his back. The attempt is horrible enough and I’m thankful the ex-president is okay but I just wish there were a genuine human response there. I no longer believe it was a false flag but this is why so many of my friends think so. That is also disheartening.
I have to admit my mind went there initially. Obviously, there is proof out there in blogosphere of my initial thoughts. I say all this to say my joy is nearly gone. It is quickly being replaced with despair. Hanging on in quiet desperation is no way to live. I suppose this is a fight or flight moment and my instincts usually point towards flight.
I am not leaving forever. In fact, I can’t even tell you how long I will be leaving. When the joy begins to come back it will come back. I’ll linger about and make comments every now and then and I have other sources of writing that don’t involve politics. I’ll still do those and maybe they will bring me enough joy to come back soon. Hopefully I will see everyone again really soon.
Nick and everyone, we all have to hold each other up to get through this. The MAGA people are making all the noise and mainstream media follows the noise because it is sensational and thereby making it constant. We all know that polls are useless but they fit nicely into the mainstream need for sensationalism. Everyone needs to breathe slow and deep. Biden has been an excellent President in his first term. And had much unexpected situations thrown at him. The most important thing is to make sure everyone votes… for the entire Democratic ticket.
1Take care of yourself. My sisters and I call it ‘hibernation’ when one of us needs to take a time out from the chaos. I am a certifiable news junkie, except I never watch the Sunday shows or MSNBC, but the past few weeks I’ve skipped my usual regular intake and spend more time out on my deck appreciating the view. I have even struggled with the political cartoons, culling many that are just too damn depressing. So step back, I’ll look forward to your return when you are ready. As my late dad always said to me when I’d leave for the airport: “We’ll see you when we see you.” No pressure!
2“ He paused for a damn photo op. Who does that?”
Yes.
USA Today ran a full article about Trump pausing after shots were fired, telling the Secret Service “Let me get my shoes.” His shoes fell off when he was pushed to the floor. He’s worried about his shoes after getting shot? Why? The raised heels would be photographed? The lifts?
Who does that?
Then the Vincent VanTrump ear bandage at the convention. Milking it for all it’s worth.
3Who does that?
I get it. Music helps me live in the real world. You might like that old Mose Allison song, “I Don’t Worry About a Thing” cause I know nothings gonna be Alright.
4Nick,
5For goodness sake, take care of yourself. Take as much time as you need. I, among many, look forward to and appreciate your posts here – but we’ll get along without you as long as is necessary.
I find myself avoiding much of the “news” reporting these days because it is so depressing. I do keep up, but am not drawn to constant information, so much of which is poorly, if at all, fact checked.
Hang in there, many of us also feel your pain.
Do what you need to do. We’ll miss your articles for a while but we’ll catch you later.
6I think right now we’re all experiencing a down time. I know I am. And it’s crap like this that makes it harder to keep from just being sick to your stomach. Here’s who trumpf wants voters to welcome into his white house-
https://www.propublica.org/article/jd-vance-alex-jones-leonard-leo-teneo-maddow-video
Sending hugs. Take care of yourself, Nick. We’ll still be here when you feel up to it.
Ever since I read Katherine May’s book, I call it “Wintering.” I did a sermon on Wintering during the pandemic. I’ve been doing this Wintering since the 2016 election, and I’m getting exhausted.
7Nick, dysthemia is not unknown in my house. We all experienced it at some time or another and agreed to have an “inhouse” vacation for a bit. Eventually it clears up. And we can segue into the next phase of existence. Just hug in there, Nick. And I really do mean hug, as in give yourself one.
8Autistic adult here…I have heard of alexithymia, which is a form of emotion blindness, because it is very common in the autistic community. I am sorry to hear that you suffer from dysthymia – but I get it. You need to recharge the battery packs. Give yourself the grace to do what you need to do!! And don’t come back til you’re sassy and full of snark. ❤
9It helps that I never watch the news, I just read it online on the BBC, and mostly the headlines keep me up to date enough I don’t have to dive in full body.
It also helps that I started my day playing “Where’s Waldo” with the green beans – maybe pole beans are easier, but the bush beans I grow disguise the little buggers so it’s a challenge to find them all before they’re out of the ‘haricots verts’ stage.
So do what you need to, Nick. Rest and refurbish, and we’ll see you on the other side of this mess.
10Please, Nick, take a break from the politics and general craziness we’re all stuck with right now. Do what makes you happy, for a while. I take heart from my very religious, Georgia-born-and-bred grandmother, who used to say, “And the good Lord said, “It came to pass. . .He never said it came to stay.” I hope it all gets better soon, for everybody.
11Nick, take care of you and yours.
12Cause if you ain’t taking care of you, you ain’t gonna be able to take care of yours.
In other words, take care of yourself.