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Pretty much times are tough and everybody is clipping coupons and canceling vacation plans.  So, what does our Republican dominated county commissioners court do?

Well, Honey, they spent money on their Edifice Complex.  We got ourselves a wryly named “Justice Center.”  It’s a mega complex across from the county jail so people accused of crimes can be brought across to court in an underground tunnel so as not to disturb the beauty of the marble and glass of this ….. I dunno what to say.  It’s ugly.  It’s so ugly that when you walk by, your clothes wrinkle.

I am dead solid certain that this will not be the last time I rant about this massive waste of taxpayer money by Republicans in power, but lawyers were allowed a sneak peek at the inside of the building last week and I know a couple of lawyers.  They sent me pictures and smartypants comments.  So, this will be the first time locals get to see what they bought for the ego of Fort Bend County judges.

You know the drill, click the little ones to get the big ones.

What you got right here is a regal entry way for the judges to enter their courtroom.  God forbid they enter through a plain ole door.  No, siree.  Our judges will enter through a portal banked in marble with a gold seal of Texas over their heads like a halo of Godliness.  At least, we think that’s what they were shooting for.

Instead, it looks like they’re getting out of the shower.

And the fact that they will be wearing robes doesn’t help that image none at all.  One lawyer told me that he will never be able to keep a straight face when a judge emerges, because he’ll be thinking, “I knew it, dammit!  He showers in that damn robe!”

Oh, and by the way, as if any judge needs his ego built, we put a spotlight over his head when he comes out.  We do not know if the theme from 2001 will be set to play or not.

And then there’s the tote board.

To add real class to the building by making it look exactly like you’re at the dog races, dockets will now be on tote boards.  Big.  For everyone to see.  Because, by Gawd, if you’re accused of a crime, even if you’re innocent, we need to put it in lights!

We are taking bets on how long that sucker lasts.  We’re also ready to giggle every time the dang thing doesn’t work, which we suspect will be at least weekly.

Okay, this is just the beginning of what’s wrong with that building.  I can stay in business for another full month or two just with this Taj MaLaw.

The bottom line is that this is what happens when you let a certified high school graduate – County Judge Bob Hebert – design a courthouse.  And I mean that in the ugliest possible way.