At least he wasn’t gay
Occasionally you see something in the news that you have to sit on for a few days. The horrible mass shooting in Colorado Springs is one of those moments. It isn’t the mass shooting itself. There have been deadlier and more tragic mass shootings in recent months. It wasn’t the fact that a specific group was targeted. We’ve seen that before too. It wasn’t the complete inaction following the event. That’s become the norm.
It was the reaction from the father of the shooter. Of course, before I get into that I need to offer some perspective. There are moments when we disappoint our parents. I still do it at times. There are moments when we are disappointed in our children. The worst moments come when we have to either apologize for their actions or when our parents had to apologize for us. I can still remember these moments as many as 40 years later.
In a very generic way I feel a ton of empathy for the parents of mass shooters. This is particularly true for the ones with children that die during those events. They lost a child just like the families of the victims. They have to mourn both their child and those their child took. They have to do it privately because no one is going to feel an ounce of compassion for them. In many cases, they will be blamed for not doing enough to stop it. There is very little they can say that will take any sting off.
Having said all of that, the shooter’s father failed the basic empathy test. He said virtually nothing that could soothe anyone in the wake of this event. All he could muster was the sentiment that at least his son wasn’t gay. He showed no concern for the victims. Somehow, killing five people and injuring two dozen others was somehow preferable to his son being there socially.
A part of me wanted to come on here immediately afterwards and just completely lay into him. Maybe it would have been cathartic. I suppose in a sense it would have made me feel better. However, that would be temporary. All of the snark and all of the vitriol wouldn’t be able to erase the fact that evil like that exists in the world.
It also wouldn’t erase the fact that I have disappointed my parents on occasion. I wouldn’t be able to soothe those feelings. It wouldn’t erase the times where we have been disappointed in our daughter. We are proud of her 99 times out of 100. I’m not sure if the same ratio exists with my parents.
There is a whole subtext in daytime television dedicated to the concept of schadenfreude and self-loathing. Watch enough talk shows and court shows and you will find yourself uttering, “at least I’m more together than that girl/guy” or “at least our family isn’t like them.”
There is a reason they say that schadenfreude is “shameful joy.” We are not made better when we witness examples of the dark side of humanity. We are not made better by comparison even if it might feel that way. We are worse in the collective. Our families are worse off. Our communities are worse off. Our nation and world is worse off. It leaves a hole in our collective heart. It creates the second worst feeling in the world. It is the feeling we get when we have to explain to our children why the world is a dangerous place.
I heard that comment also and thought many people on the far right probably agreed with him. It’s a sad thing when being a murderer is not as bad as being – insert any filth that is being spread. Ironically, I read that the lawyers were trying to get hate crime charges from being sought because he claimed he was gay.
1When I read and posted the Guardian article here over the weekend, what struck me was how the father groomed his son to use violence- because it gets results. He groomed a mass killer. Earlier articles did not include his lame sort of apology (towards the end of the Guardian article) that he might have failed his son. Believe this came later after his initial interview created such a negative reaction (though probably not from like minded magats). This guy was not disappointed in his son- he was glad he wasn’t gay and proud he used what he had taught him. This dad won’t be held partially responsible but he should be. There are still a lot of deplorables.
2That guy in the video looks like what central casting sent over for the role of the drunk sailor getting into brawls on the waterfront of Shanghai.
3The dad has less empathy than a rubber bucket
Lin
4Altogether too kind, Nick. The year Jane and I married a year after same sex marriage became legal in all 50 states. Shazamm love is love. If anything, we benefitted from that fact. Certainly, equal rights for all have benefitted every person in this country. Lordy. Why is there even a debate between inclusion and exclusion? Be it Americans with disabilities, PsOC, Latinx, immigrants, youth, elderly and anybody/everybody – a true fiscal conservative which Republicons obviously are not would prefer a communist system. LOL. Yeah. The GOP hates socialism. But. Let’s shove some serious communism down their throats where every individual is empowered to contribute to their maximum ability in a true win/win. Invest in people, not haters.
It has been demonstrated that people with alleged inferior intelligence build better bicycle brakes than those of us with allegedly ‘superior’ intelligence. Once we achieve the task we get bored and commit serious errors, whereas those who strive to achieve maintain their level of excellence. H/T Marc Gold iirc.
Communism – from each according to ability and to each according to need. Something to think about as we discuss fair taxation and tax subsidies to corporations.
5My immediate trigger warning came about when I learned the shooter/son uses the pronouns they/them. That says a few things about his sexual identification right there. He very well may be gay, bi or somewhere undefined on the gender continuum…many possible shades of gray. That still doesn’t make it a non hate crime.
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