It’s Not Both Sides
Written by Nick Carraway
“A few years ago, we caught our daughter stealing from us. We have made a habit of keeping cash in a drawer so that we can go to the store or go out to eat a couple of times a week. It helps us avoid using our credit cards too much. Well, she helped herself to some of that cash. The experience was a learning experience for her and for us as parents. It was the first major breech of trust we had ever had with her and so it was the first time we really had to carefully consider how to punish her.
More than grounding her, it was important that she actually make restitution and repay the money. That was going to take her a long time. Her allowance wasn’t that big back then, so we invented some things for her to do around the house to earn the money back. When relatives gave her money for Christmas or her birthday it became our money. Slowly but surely she managed to earn it all back. The whole ordeal also taught her a lot about penance and reconciliation. It taught us something too.
The concept of penance is a difficult one and a controversial one. It is also an important one and one that conservatives seem to be collectively missing during this time. They have called for unity. Yet throughout their calls for unity they have never really articulated an apology or made any efforts to mitigate how we have gotten into this mess. They are the ones at fault. They robbed Joe Biden and the country of a peaceful and smooth transition. This isn’t a situation of “you said some things and I said some things.” They need to make amends.
During the sacrament of reconciliation, the priest gives you your penance and then says you are forgiven for your sins. I know most people reading this aren’t Catholic and many are not religious. However, I bring this up because this upbringing and this understanding is the way I get through this and the way I understand and articulate what needs to happen. In order for there to be unity there must be accountability. We could not forgive our daughter until she repaid the money. It was never going to be enough for her to say “whoopsie” and then have everything return to normal. Conservatives must make this right somehow before they can call for unity. That’s just the way all this works.”
Nick
I don’t recall hearing any of the Republicans talking about “unity” admitting that Biden won the election fair and square. Until they do, their cries for “unity” are actually demands for the Democrats to unconditionally surrender.
1And we hope the balless dems grow some to so they can be counted for support. The dems have folded so much I doubt they have any spine amongst them.
2Won’t have any impact on evangelicals. They just ask Jesus to forgive them and he always says, yeah
3Nick, thank you for this story and commentary. I agree 100%. Whether it’s a child or a parent that breaches trust, the person who broke it is the one who needs to prove that they understand they did wrong, and that they are willing to make amends. Sometimes no precise restitution is possible, but penance can be a compensatory restitution, when whatever was broken along with trust can’t be replaced. I’m not a Catholic, but as an Episcopalian, we share a similar understanding of the need for the “you broke it, you own it” approach…if you don’t want to own it, then there’s no need for canceling the debt.
Republicans these days–these Republicans involved and those who want instant reconciliation–have been willing all along to condemn others, to not forgive women who have or want abortions, not forgive Black and immigrant Americans for anything….they are rude and then demand civility of those they’re being rude to…they just don’t get it. It’s time they were made to conform to a very old–older than Christianity, older than civilization–rule of social interaction: break the basic social contract and you will have unpleasant consequences, ranging from death, to physical punishment, to exile.
Those who were involved in the attack on the Capitol should be forced to contribute for all expenses: the extra shifts of workers to clean up the mess they left, the cost of replacing broken windows and doors and other items, the cost of whatever was stolen. When it comes to the deaths, they should have to support the dependents of those killed, paying the bills the dead person would have paid. To make the point plain that this is penance and restitution, not simple punishment, they should have to do that for those who died while attacking as well. They should have to pay all hospital and medical bills, including bills for mental health services and rehab, for those injured, to relieve their families of the burden. The true cost of this in terms of money alone is not of course the whole cost, but the monetary cost is the only one they’re likely to understand at first and it’s the easiest to use as a teaching tool. Each individual’s monetary restoration/penance should be a portion of the whole cost. Each individual’s non-monetary penance should include having to meet with ten (willing) victims, five who were on scene and five from their home town, people who were neighbors/fellow employees/employers/ people who’d known them and feel their trust was broken. Meetings under supervision, where they had to listen to the hurt and anger they caused *and not talk back*. (It should be more people…ten is the minimum. But I doubt we can get anyone to make them listen to 50 or a hundred, even though that would be effective in breaking through most people’s ability to pretend to themselves they were not doing anything wrong.)
In addition, those planning this mess and actively instigating/enabling it should be arrested, indicted, held in custody (no bail), until their trials, their accounts locked in anticipation of very large fines to come in addition to prison time. Their prison terms should be “for life”…none of them concurrent…and none of them served in “country club” prisons. No suites. No extras. They’re not special anymore, except specially bad.
4Unity to the vast majority of repugnanticans in congress would be that democrats agree to kiss their ass. We can discuss unity the day they 1) agree the election was fair and legal and 81+ million votes for Biden were all legitimate, 2) admit they were wrong in trying to overturn the election, 3) admit Trumpf incited the insurrection. Then we have a basis to discuss unity. But since that won’t happen, impeach his ass. They couldn’t hate democrats any more than they do. Like mutt gaetz thinks the insurrection was like Pelosi tearing up Trumpf’s state of the union speech. They hate democrats.
5I did read this morning that a cnn pole found 40% of repugnanticans still want Trumpf in 2024. I actually think that’s progress since before last week, I believe the% was more like 80%. That 40% now is the cult base which includes 80 of repugnanticans in congress.
I think the idea of penance is also relative to the individual and their culpability in the act. For instance, with our daughter there was prior knowledge that what she was doing was wrong. When we asked her where she got the money there was a lot of hemming and hawing and stories about how it was left over birthday money.
If it had been a situation where she thought it was cash she could “share” in then it would be a wholly different situation entirely. As such, the Republicans involved belong in three groups. The first group are those that actually participated in the planning or execution of the attempted insurrection. They belong in jail. There’s really no commentary that needs to be added.
The second group are those that insisted this was fraud or played along for cheap political points. Their actions indirectly led to this, so they have some culpability. Depending on the lengths they went they will either have to resign or simply provide for a mea culpa.
The third group is harder to pinpoint. Some were silent. Some admitted that the election was fair, but didn’t say enough to chastise those that were in groups one or two. In essence, they chose party over country, but didn’t actually directly participate in the shenanigans. Their penance is much lighter, but there is still some there.
6In my academic career, I thought a fair amount about how someone who lost character (and is punished or shamed) manages to recover or recreate a sense of personal character. And how someone can “defend” themselves from accusations, avoiding or substantially diminishing the importance of such attacks.
In virtually all situations, the person must demonstrate an awareness of the offense, of how someone can conclude he or she violated accepted cultural norms. Particularly when there are harms which cannot be cured, such as a death or major injury, trying to justify by criticizing the cultural norm or by pointing out “someone else did it” rarely appeases the audience.
When the violation is acknowledged, then imposed punishment or self punishment can be shown. Only after that can people begin to rehabilitate their character, demonstrating new commitment to the norms or some off-setting benefit. Republicans trying to skip either of those first two steps may be accepted by a narrow tribe — but the culture at large will continue to devalue or distrust them.
7So, john, what did you think about the left and Robert Byrd? 40 years after he had renounced the KKK, leftists — journalists among them — would not let it alone.
8There’s also the simple matter of learning. If they aren’t discouraged, they’ll just get worse. It’s blackmail.
If this theory of ‘unity’ worked, Osama bin Laden would be living a quiet life with his wife and kids ever since the bombing of the U.S.S. Cole. Japan might not have seen Hirohito take power, after five coup attempts in the ’30s that saw trivial punishments to the military perpetrators. And giving Germany the Sudetenland certainly didn’t curb Hitler’s appetite for Lebensraum.
With the capitol attack, the GOP has made clear where its priorities lay: with power, not law nor country nor constitution.
9The Republican Party began its downward skid, imo, during the Nixon administration. It began when the administration started its Rat-fuck Strategy during his second run at the presidency.
Then it swallowed a dose of steroids during the Reagan administration. Does Iran-Contra ring a bell?
The Republicans couldn’t go after Carter — he was just too squeaky clean. They blamed him for his brother Billy, sure, but that was all they could do.
Then the Clinton administration came along. Adultery is not illegal — but revenge for what happened to Nixon was more important than the law.
But this latest mess really took off during the Obama administration when the Republican byword became, “I don’t care what you want. I don’t care if it’s good for the country. I’m opposed to it. And our long-term norms? Fuhgeddaboudem.”
Want to appoint a SCOTUS judge? Eight months is too close to the election — but two weeks isn’t too close if a Republican wants to do it.
Obama wore a tan suit and Republicans went smack out of their minds. Trump committed high crimes in office and Republicans refused to hear any evidence during his trial.
So Trump decided that he was invincible. He reached out to get Roger Stone’s sentence revised. He fired witnesses who had testified at his impeachment. He basically stayed one step ahead of the law.
Then, last month, he decapitated the Pentagon which led directly to the fact that our representatives and senators phoned governors of the states surrounding DC begging for help and the governors’ hands were tied because, while the riot was going on, the newbie-Trump-toadie head of the Department of Defense wasn’t picking up his phone.
Finally, finally, Delaware’s Governor Carney [R] got help from the head of the Army [not the “correct person” to permit soldiers to enter DC] but nevertheless, Carney grasped that straw and ran with it deploying the army into DC to rescue our lawmakers.
What will those Republicans who were hiding in the offices and bunkers of Congress last week, fearing injury and worse, do when the trial gets underway?
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