.

“The state lege could not have sliced my county into worse districts even if they had a Slice-A-Lator set to high slice on International Slicing Day,” Juanita announced at the Mustang Lounge this evening at the domino tournament.

Juanita got moved out of her district and put into Charlie Howard’s district.  She lives at the rump end of Charlie’s district.  Charlie Howard has been named the single most conservative member of the Texas lege.  “He makes Leo Berman look enlightened,” Juanita says.  She has decided to dedicate her life to doing one thing every day that makes Charlie Howard’s miserable.  “It’s my Christian duty,” she assures us.

But the big news around here is the creation of District 85.  District 85 begins about 100 yards from Juanita’s house, picks up all of Rosenberg, and then runs down to Jackson and Wharton counties.  Oddly, it carefully and purposefully excludes all the regular folks you’d think would run for a Texas House seat.  It’s one of those “Huummmm … what were they thinking, because you know for sure they were in cahoots with Satan to build this district.”

It took a  a while, but we finally figured it out.

Debbie Medina.

Described as “a phenomenon” by the media, Debbie Medina is a Teabagger who ran for Governor in the GOP primary.  She has said in an interview that the United States government blew up the World Trade Center on 911, and that we should destroy the federal reserve.  She home schooled her children and now attends Williams Trace Baptist Church, and totes a pistol in her car when she goes there.

She’s also a little goofy.

Her comments about secession might make Gov. Rick Perry blush. At one rally she said: “We are aware that stepping off into secession may in fact be a bloody war. We understand that the tree of freedom is occasionally watered with the blood tyrants and patriots.” Medina says she doesn’t support secession, though.

Once we saw it, they didn’t have to put any more butter on that biscuit.  The district was drawn for her.  Debbie Medina – our own Michelle Bachmann.

“I wish to thank the State Lege for making this an easy one.  We’ve already filed papers to have Verdelia’s name legally changed to Debra ‘Debbie’ Medina so we appreciate the heads-up!”