.

Only in Texas is there such a thing as magic money.

Our handsome and fabulously-coiffed Governor has a little scam going on with magic money.

First, Rick Perry is up close and personal with Grover Norquist, another guy who is not willing to pay his fair share.

Gov. Rick Perry plans to be in the Dallas area on Tuesday to meet with national anti-tax activist Grover Norquist, whose no-new-taxes pledge has been signed by many Texas legislators and Perry himself.  Norquist is coming to Texas to raise money for his group, Americans for Tax Reform.

“Wrap your head around this,” Juanita says, “Grover is against taxes, but he wants you to give him money so he can eat.  In turn, he will use your money to help you not pay taxes.  Hit me upside the head if I’m wrong, but wouldn’t it be easier to just pay your taxes instead of giving Grover your money?  I mean, it doesn’t seem fair that only Grover gets to eat … or drive on nice roads or have police protection or somebody inspecting his food for safety.”

“But, there’s more …” she promises.

David Nance - The Burner

“Come to find out, Rick Perry’s $2 million slush fund of taxpayer money has been completely wasted with zero results from Rick’s friends and donors who got the money,” Juanita reports.

The Innovate Texas Foundation was supposed to be a hub of economic activity, an enterprise that Gov. Rick Perry agreed to underwrite with nearly $2 million in federal tax money, with the possibility of more.

David Nance, a Perry friend and campaign contributor, hoped for big things for his foundation, where he made $125,000 a year while he rebounded from the bankruptcy of his previous company and started a new one.

“From the $2 million, we got salaries, a dead website, and claims of success when none were there.  We might as well have put it in paper bag and set fire to it.  But, that was the least of the taxpayer money Rick Perry gave David Nance to burn.  Laylan Copelin and Kirk Ladendorf of the Austin American Statesman have word pictures of Rick Perry and his buddy David Nance having a bonfire.”

“So,” Juanita concludes, “the only taxes we want in Texas are those that Rick Perry can give his friends who like $1,000 a day hotel rooms.  Kinda makes you wonder what’s going on in those hotel rooms.  I pretty much figure that somebody’s getting screwed.  However, more than likely, it’s us.”

And I haven’t even told y’all about Alan Kirchhoff yet.

Alan Kirchhoff had two bankruptcies in his past and a job repairing cracked windshields in a Colorado parking lot when he moved to Texas for a fresh start.

He found a home in Gov. Rick Perry’s office. Kirchhoff rose rapidly, culminating with his appointment as director of the governor’s prized economic development program, the Texas Emerging Technology Fund. There, he made friends with a powerful member of the fund’s advisory committee, William E. Morrow.

By the time the Texas Rangers began investigating, that relationship and its secret side deals had transformed Kirchhoff, according to the Rangers’ calculations, into a millionaire.

“I have a better plan than Grover to lower taxes,” Juanita says.  “Step 1:  Everybody pay their taxes like normal.  Step 2: Don’t let Rick Perry have any of it.”