Does Anybody Have Some Duct Tape I Can Borrow
Martin Shkreli is a punk.
So, he’s out on $5 million bail for a felony securities fraud conviction, coupled with a misdemeanor of just being a dirtbag. He’s awaiting his January 16th sentencing hearing.
Meanwhile, with little to occupy his time, he took to social media and wrote:
“The Clinton Foundation is willing to KILL to protect its secrets. So on HRC’s book tour, try to grab a hair from her. I must confirm the sequences I have. Will pay $5,000 per hair obtained from Hillary Clinton.”
That alarmed the Secret Service and the judge in Shkreli’s case, who revoked his bail and sent his happy butt to jail.
Shkreli’s lawyers, who should have to show their bar card and some manner of proof that they are actually human, argued that Shkreli’s statement was protected by the First Amendment.
The defense insisted it was merely a tasteless joke comparable to some of President Donald Trump’s derisive comments.
Nice example, guys.
The judge, who has actually read the First Amendment upon occasion, saw it differently.
“This is not protected by the First Amendment,” the judge said. “… There’s a risk that somebody may take him up on it.”
I will have a nicer weekend knowing that this little Pharma Bro punk is in jail.
Oh he wants to make his very own Hilary Rodham Clinton. I wonder why? Is Marty Putin and Hitler’s bastard clone?
1So what part of assaulting someone was a first amendment right. I guess if the president can grab them by the pussy it’s fine to yank hair out of a woman’s head
2There are lifers praying he becomes their cellmate.
3@Sam in St Paul
My experience with jails is all in Texas counties, aside from an enlightening tour of the Federal prison in Florence Co.
I suspect Mr Shkreli will be classified to Administrative Segregation (AdSeg) with double guard escort. He will be locked down 23 hours a day, receiving 1 hour of outside time, alone. He will be served 3 squares in his cell. He can up the ante by being physically assaultive.
4The Million dollar $$$ question , will Trump pardon Shkreli?
If Shkreli donates a Million $$$ to Trump’s campaign he WILL be pardoned.
5Judges need to be more creative. Introduce Marty to his own brand of vulture capitalism. As he admitted, he can afford $5000 for a single human hair. So certainly he can afford to pay $5000/day for his 3 squares and cot, plus the AdSeg privileges to ensure he doesn’t get his own hair mussed. Give the taxpayers a break and let this moocher pay his own freight.
6I wouldn’t allow duct tape around Shkreli — there’s too much danger someone would use it; there would be substantial desire to tape over Shkreli’s whole face, asphyxiating him.
What’s the German word for ‘face in need of a fist’? Is there one for ‘face in need of being completely taped over’?
7Cheeto is going to be so busy granting pardons he won’t have time to screw up anything else.
8I can’t wait for Pharma Punk’s first encounter with his new prison BFF, Bubba…
9Let a punk out on bail, and he’ll cause trouble for a day.
10Give a rich punk a pardon, and he’ll be trouble for life.
I think the duct tape would be an adequate replacement for tar and feathers. Removal of both could achieve similar results, lose of body hair.
Shkreli’s judge and Arpaio’s (examining ways to circumnavigate Trump’s pardon) are actively seeking alternative solutions to return justice to the citizens.
11eyesoars? Is it punchenfreude for “face in need of a fist”?
12Maybe it’s just me, but it seems that a punk has certain physical characteristics, e.g., muscles, that this guy just doesn’t have. So, punk isn’t the right word for him.
I would have suggested weasel, as they share a nasty disposition and a tendency to turn on you as soon as you’re not looking, but weasels have a degree of nobility that he doesn’t have.
Toad. That’s it. Toad.
13what an useless piece of crap……something like this lives while decent hardworking die….I do not get it.
14Duct tape hell. Dust off the guillotine.
15“Face in need of a fist”? (First of all, my autocorrect must be a Monty Python fan since it keeps trying to change “fist” to “fish”).
Per various sources (Urban Dictionary, Wiktionary, Germany.info, YouTube, etc) the single word you seek is “Backpfeifengesicht”. Sometimes one must admire German efficiency, when it’s applied constructively.
16JAKvirginia – “punchenfreude” seems like a really good suggestion. Captures the sentiment well & easier to pronounce!
17He is where he deserves to be! I am not actually sure of the crime he is being charged with in this case. I think a President ( see how I avoided the name) can only pardon those convicted of Federal crimes. I could be wrong, probably am.
18Forget the guillotine. Drawn and quartered for treason to humanity.
19“punchenfreude”
JAKvirginia FTW!!!!
20Anything to wipe that smug smirk off his wormy face.
21@BFSMan, what do you have against the noble toad? I treasure them in my yard. I would characterize him as a carbuncle.
22Young Martin is a poster child for profiting off other’s misfortune but lets remember that his Rx price manipulation is all perfectly legal, and it’s a long slog uphill to fix that situation.
23His next career move should be as a character on Game of Thrones. He’s well suited to playing a malevolent, insidious henchman who meets a gruesome death.
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