.

“You could have seen this coming a mile off with a heavy fog in the dark with your eyes closed,” Juanita attests.

“Texas Congressvarmint Pistol Pete Sessions earned his name,” she begins to explain to the women who have come for coffee and fashion tips this morning.  “We call him Pistol Pete because he eats bullets for breakfast so he can shoot off his mouth the rest of the day.”

“And, God love him, he’s done a Jim Dandy job of it now,” she grins.

“After missing the swearing-in of congresscritters, something required by the Constitution that Pete pretends to love, Pete presented a good excuse:  he was at a fundraiser.  In the Capitol.  Which is against the law.”

“Way to stinkin go, Captain Stoopid!”

Today, Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) filed an ethics complaint with the Office of Congressional Ethics (OCE) against Rep. Peter Sessions (R-TX) and Rep. Michael Fitzpatrick (R-PA) for blatant violations of House rules, federal law and the U.S. Constitution. CREW’s complaint follows the revelation that both men skipped the swearing-in ceremony for the 112th Congress in favor of attending a fundraiser for Rep. Fitzpatrick. During this fundraiser, they made an invalid attempt to take their oath by watching it on TV, and then proceeded to participate in official House business. None of this is legal.

“Trying to get Pistol Pete to think before he speaks is like trying to shovel smoke,” she shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

“Now Pete is gonna have to have a fundraiser for legal fees to pay for the fundraiser for campaign funds.  That means a whole mess of corporate money is gonna find it’s way out of your pocket and into Pete’s.”

“Honey, we can start listing dumb as the best cash crop in Texas,” she admits.