Help Me Figure All This Out

June 10, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Okay, best I can figure, here’s the chain of events in Texas Lt. Gov Dan Patrick’s mind.

  1. Patrick says the President is some kind of disgusting pervert over mind-you-own-business bathrooms.
  2. Patrick immediately asks for federal funding for Texas to fight the Zika, because for all its talk about seceding, Texas apparently doesn’t have any money.
  3. Patrick then decides that Obama probably won’t give Texas the Zika money because Obama would rather watch women and babies die than give up on mind-you-own-business bathrooms.
  4. So, because Obama is clearly not giving Texas the money it needs and wants women to die, Obama needs to be impeached.

Patrick has it all figured out, except for the part that Obama doesn’t have any money. The congress has to approve the funding. But, that’s “Washington’s fault,” meaning Obama.

President Obama asked Congress to come up with nearly $2 billion to battle the virus but efforts to finalize a funding bill for Zika prevention has reached a three-month standstill. Proposals from both the Senate and the House are far short of the Obama administration’s initial request for $1.9 billion to fight Zika

“The Senate comes up with a plan there, the House comes up with a plan—they are arguing over the money,” Patrick said.

Uh, somebody remind me which political party controls the house and the senate?  Libertarian?  Whig?  Oh yeah, Obama!

I swear on all that is holy, if his IQ drops 2 more points, we’ll have to water him twice a week.

 

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0 Comments to “Help Me Figure All This Out”


  1. Larry from Colorado says:

    I love those last two lines. “I swear on all that is holy, if his IQ drops 2 more points, we’ll have to water him twice a week.”

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  2. treehugger says:

    Of course Texas has no money; look at all the money he’s spending to battle the various school districts over their transgender-friendly bathroom policies. I refuse to water him, JJ. I hope he dries up and blows away.

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  3. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    That would be a waste of water!

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  4. “we’ll have to water him twice a week.”

    Please be sure it doesn’t become standing water. Otherwise Dan Patrick’s feet will create a breeding ground for mosquitoes. And he’ll be an even larger part of the problem than he already is.

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  5. Rastybob says:

    Patrick make’s Arizona’s Douche bag Gov. look good. He may have set a new low.

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  6. If his IQ dropped just slightly more it would take a team of husky dogs and an Arctic explorer to find it and him. I hear husky dogs get mighty hungry with the work they do and need a thousand calories a day to survive. Now if they are not picky . . . and the explorer doesn’t give a damn . . .

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  7. He claims that Obama doesn’t care about women and children but didn’t Texas turn down federal funding to expand medicaid so that women and children would be medically insured? I’m betting that any federal funds to fight zika in Texas will line the pockets of a few individuals and corporations and only a very tiny percentage will help the people most in need.

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  8. maryelle says:

    Typical RKKKlan whining. it has to be somebody (Obama’) else’s fault, ’cause refusing Medicaid expansion, tying up the congress’ zika money bill and oh, closing most of the PP clinics so poor women can’t get medical help were the smart things to do.
    Anyone who votes Republican is mentally and morally bankrupt.
    Hopefully their party will be financially, too, as it circles the drain after Cleveland. God I hope so.

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  9. He forgot to check with Ted Poe.

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  10. Tilphousia says:

    Now, now. Let’s not be nasty to plants. They keep us alive in so many ways. Texas’ governor lite isn’t as smart as a plant so watering it ( him) really won’t be more than a waste of perfectly good water. I say let it (him) wither.

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  11. I think he’d skip the ‘water me’ stage and go straight to lint.

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  12. Marcia in CO says:

    I agree with Larry in CO …
    I love those last two lines. “I swear on all that is holy, if his IQ drops 2 more points, we’ll have to water him twice a week.”
    Some plants, if you water them too much, will actually die!! Hmmmm … there’s an idea!!

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  13. Sweet Crabby says:

    Let it turn brown and crispy, and blow away.

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  14. Jodi devries says:

    Part of “Washington’s fault”, Texas’ own Sen. Cruz was a no show for the vote.

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  15. Repubanon says:

    Although the absolute value of Mr. Patrick’s IQ is in low double digits, I believe his actual IQ is below zero.

    Sadly, the “oh, it’s bad – so it must be the other tribe’s fault” mentality seems to be quite strong these days.

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  16. I was thinking of an alternate source for the water, but then I remembered an exchange from The Lion in Winter:

    (future king) John: My God, if I went up in flames, there’s not a living soul who’d pee on me to put the fire out.

    (future king) Richard: Let’s strike a flint and see.

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  17. @ Rhea: Dang, I thought that was a texanism. Well, at least the earthier version.

    And to think I used it as such about my dad’s second wife….

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  18. Its pretty sad when a state’s IQ would double by sending it 20 stupid people!

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  19. I had never heard of negative interest rates until recently. It maybe time to think of negative IQ points as a real concept for some of these guys.

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  20. SomedayGirl says:

    Sorry, Susan, I’d love to help you figure out what’s going on in Patrick’s head but I refuse to crawl into small, dark, closed spaces.

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  21. I’d be happy to water him daily if you’re not too particular about how I do it (and momma isn’t looking).

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  22. Old Fart says:

    Facts? Who needs ’em?

    There really are far too many people that just want to see the world burn…

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  23. UmptyDump says:

    This is emblematic of the group delusion that has infected people who call themselves Republicans. They have enabled people like Patrick to say anything – no matter how untrue or bizarre – to say anything and be believed. I see no sort of antidote to this mass insanity.

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  24. Lunargent says:

    That watering line – one of Molly Ivins’ greatest.
    Love that it’s being used, but let’s not forget attribution.

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