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Tom DeLay has never been on a first name basis with reality.  Cocky and smug, yes he knows them well.  But reality has always been a little more difficult for him.

“He’s in Austin having delusions of height, intelligence and thinking he’s one of the cool kids,” Juanita reports.  Tom DeLay’s trial has proven to be a perfect reflection of Tom’s life – everybody is wrong except him.

The prosecution is trying to prove a connection between the $190,000 in corporate money that TRMPAC washed, dried, folded and sent to candidates.  Candidates cannot take corporate money in Texas.  Instead of seeing the connection, Tom only sees what Tom sees through the eyes of a brain so addled by alcohol and ultra rightwing footwashing speaking-in-tongues old time religion that thinking straight is akin to a bushel basket of wire coat hangers.

“It [the prosecution] painted a picture of what goes on in Washington, how you raise money. It’s all done by everybody, Democrats and Republicans,” said the former U.S. House majority leader during a break in Monday’s trial. “It’s great for our side. I can’t believe the prosecutors are calling these kind of people.”

Gary Cobb, the lead prosecutor, disagreed. He said the evidence — in a voluminous mound of e-mails, memos and correspondence — is about how two organizations funneled corporate money to Texas candidates, a violation of state law.

“So,” Juanita grins, “Tom is saying ‘hey, look, all the other kids are doing it,’ and the prosecution is saying, ‘it’s drugs, Tom, so just because everybody else is doing it doesn’t make it right.'”

“It is a well-known fact that Tom hasn’t spoken to his mother in twenty five years even though she lives in the same town he does.  That shows.  Everybody needs a mother to say, “if everybody else was jumping off the roof ….”  Well, you know the rest because you call your mother,” Juanita explains.

Like any good wise guy or major drug dealer, Tom has covered himself with layers of protection – including people willing to take the fall for him because they know his wrath.  He’s a vicious little twit who once told a local Republican party leader, “I will destroy you,”  in a tone so scary that the leader almost turned to ice right there.  He packed his bags and left town.

“Tom DeLay is the only man I know who can strut sitting down,” Juanita shakes her head.  “Even if the jury comes back with guilty, guilty, guilty, he will cast himself as the true victim and blame you.  Yes, you.  You’re breathing his air, ain’t ya?”