Holy Crap: Cowboy Commandments Edition
This story gets exciting sometime last month, when the Oklahoma Republican Legislature accepted a privately funded enormous tombstone-looking thing and put it on the grounds of the state capitol building. The tombstone had the ten commandments chiseled into it.
The Oklahoma Supreme Court said that amounted to the state promoting religion and that it had to be removed. So in the middle of the night, some guys came and moved it a few blocks away to the front yard of a conservative think tank. I know that conservative think tank is an oxymoron, but now they are a conservative think tank that covets not their neighbor’s wife, which is even harder to believe.
Anyway, a couple of Texas steeple people with horses and unkept hair decide it would be a mess of fun to get a make-believe stone tablet with the ten commandments on it and ride their horses to Oklahoma to present it to the Governor, Mary Fallin, a woman with also unkept hair.
They invited all the Christian people of Texas and Oklahoma to join them in front of the Oklahoma Capitol building to present Governor Fallin’ with a one foot by two foot ten commandment tombstone. Hordes of 40 people showed up.
I do not know if their horses crapped all over the grounds of the state capitol but, face it, that’s what horses do. Bulls, of course, would have left a more appropriate offering.
Governor Fallin says she’s gonna hang the tombstone thingy in her office. I suspect right beside her velvet Elvis painting.
Yeah, Texas really hates Oklahoma.
Thanks to Kyle for the heads up.
Since there are only ten commandments, one often wonders why Republicons haven’t read them. At the rate they lie, I know they haven’t read the one about “bearing false witness.” And, surely they must think the “thou shalt not kill” comes with an asterisk or two.
Anyway, nice of those Texans to send Sleep Number Mary some bling to make into a nice necklace or something.
1PKM, you are really messing up my keyboard when you make me spew my morning tea all over it!
You’re way too young to remember when “10 commandments” bracelets were the rage, but mine had each commandment on a little charm about 3/8 in. square, so they didn’t have a lot of words on them. I think these steeple peeple think the versions they have are also just truncated. You know, “not kill” is supposed to also say, “except for cases of self-protection or when they’re messin’ with your stuff or you’re scared, which is anytime the other person doesn’t look like a member of your family.”
Those details just don’t fit on the cute little tablet thingies.
2I gotta feel sorry for folks that can’t memorize the ten commandments. If you have to carve them in stone you must be really short on gray matter.
3djw, we’re even. Seriously. We are. Your use of the word “truncated” conjured up an image of Michelle Bachmann and her shrunken version of the US Constitution that she carried.
Was thinking how amazing it would be should government buildings post copies of the Amendments to the US Constitution. Being that there are 27 of them ratified, we might want to send them out one at a time, along with a copy of “The Constitution for Dummies.”
Considering the War on Women, #BlackLivesMatter, Immigrants, LGBT … (for the sake of brevity anyone not male WASP), copies of the 14th Amendment complete with an instructional video would be my first choice.
4Colleagues, Patrons, …
It’s not that snacilbupeR can’t read the ten. It’s not that they don’t. It’s that they think “commandment” means “strongly recommended”. And the King James versions are written so ambiguously with big complicated words and ideas.
But the Cowboy Church in Fairlie is here to help our snacilbupeR bros and sises..
(1) Just one God.
5(2) Put nothin’ before God.
(3) Watch yer mouth.
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa.
(6) No killin’.
(7) No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal.
(8) Don’t take what ain’t yers.
(9) No telling tales or gossipin’.
(10) Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff.
Looks like a bad epidemic of “hat hair” to me.
6There is a reason Texas does not fall into the Gulf of Mexico. Oklahoma sucks . Apologies to mama.
7djw, “Not kill” also has exceptions when the god who told you that later tells you to wipe out whole cities and kill every man, woman, child, and animal in them.
People who think that “America was based on the Ten Commandments” either have not read them or do not think. Only three of them are US laws: don’t kill, don’t steal, and don’t lie to authority (bear false witness), and those are basic to every human society. “Thou shalt not covet”? Please. Our entire economy would fall apart if people stopped coveting.
P.S. The “not covet” verse doesn’t include thy neighbor’s husband, so I have a feeling the whole shebang doesn’t have to apply to women anyway. You don’t pay attention to me, I don’t pay attention to you.
8A fine collection of total idiots.
9Micr, brilliant work, but with one fatal flaw. You used words. Translate your work into grunts and tobacco spit, then maybe the functional illiterates will grab a clue.
Rhea, women? Surely you jest. To the yahoos, mankind means just that: man. There’s no ‘general’ ‘universal’ or any other nuance in their “think.” Where they would be without women is not a concept they entertain. Often wonder that there might be more to the expression “son of a she-goat” than we realize.
10@pkm
11Just for you,
(1) grunt grunt spit.
(2) grunt grunt grunt spit.
(3) grunt grunt grunt.
(4) grunt grunt grunt grunt grunt.
(5) grunt grunt grunt grunt grunt.
(6) grunt grunt.
(7) grunt grunt grunt grunt grunt grunt grunt.
(8) grunt grunt grunt grunt grunt.
(9) grunt grunt grunt grunt grunt.
(10) grunt grunt grunt grunt grunt grunt grunt.
Micr, you have a winner. Engrave it in concrete, slap a “Ten Suggestions” title on it and have it delivered to Governor A-Butt.
12PKM: You’re right. They are pretty hung up on that ‘man’ thing, aren’t they. And yet they’re sooo skeered of that ‘gey’ thing. Go figure.
13Somewhere in the midst of all the grunts should be a healthy scratching of balls. Micr. Just saying.
14The only thing that should be hung in a wingnut’s office is the wingnuts themselves.
15The Texans rode up to Oklahoma with their Tombstone Ten Commandments in the nick of time for Halloween. If any politicians at the state capitol take a moment to read them, you know they’re in for a fright.
16Self-righteous hypocrites, the lot of them. The “do as I say, not as I do” crowd needs a good smiting.
17They have a peculiar form of dyslexia that compels them to read words that just aren’t there, whether it’s the Ten Commandments or the Bible or the Constitution.
Though sometime it takes the form of not reading words that are there, like “well-regulated militia.”
18@epo
My evil conscience demanded I add “I bet you can squeal like a pig. Weeeeeeee!” between ohhhh 7 and 8, but ….
Time wise, Cojone scratchin’ most naturally fits around 3 or 4.
It’s all gude.
19All I can add at this point is that this whole thing would have
20been far more interesting if 40 whores had been there. as opposed to the hordes of Heaven’s Hemorrhoids who did.
Meaning no offense to the church going ladies who come to this site.
Micr-is that great delivery or Deliverance?
21epo, all Republican boys, and especially tea baggers, think they’re well hung. In fact, it should be the inverse, just as you suggested.
22I’m okay with having the Ten Commandments in public places long as they also have the Ten Rules or whatever the Muslims call their rules, and strong suggestions from other religions. It makes my dear conservative friends huffy when I say that.
23