Shocking
Honey, you could stick my finger in the outlet that lights up Las Vegas and I would not be more shocked than I am now.
The devil is taking over our country and he’s using Fantasy Football to do it.
Can I get an Amen?
No?
Well, lookie here, you Philistines.
“Fantasy football means imaginary games played by imaginary teams in imaginary leagues, which are made up of real players whose playing statistics are compiled from real football games. So instead of betting on the actual NFL games, fantasy football participants bet on something that depends on the actual NFL games.”
Right there, my brethren and sisterns, right there is that expert on all things to do with tightbutt morality, Phyllis Schlafly. She is thumping on her Bible and singeing your butt on the flames of hell. Phyllis knows sin, my friend. Sin and Phyllis are on a first-name basis.
Cathie
Phyllis has teamed up with the most rightwing group in Texas – Cathie Adams and the Eagle Forum. Together they are going to fight Fantasy Football.
I suspect they’ll need a fainting coach when they realize there’s also Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Soccer, Fantasy Golf, Fantasy Polo, Fantasy Basketball, and worst of all, Fantasy Fantasy, where sic-fi fans pick their favorite authors for the best seller list. Okay, so I just made that last one up.
Thanks to everybody for the heads up.
Not being a sports fan, I am happy that the old ghoul is against fantasy football, but she’s probably has different reason than I have.
1And let’s not forget the Fantasy House of Representatives, where the only way Republicans will find a Speaker is if they can change him out every week.
They even have imaginary votes which they think will repeal the Affordable Care Act!
2@JJ
3Here you go punching up my buttons! PHYLLISDAMNSCHLAFLY. Oh my. 91 years old. Who ever said “the good die young” never knew of Phyllis. What a … words fail me.
The Repugs try to recycle the same old hacks: Gingrich, Cheney, and now Schafly. This was the demagogue who, thirty odd years ago was telling women they should not have careers, jobs or anything which took them out of their husband’s control. How’d that work out, Phyl?
4Good luck with that, they’ll be going up against the NFL who has tons of money to buy up the “christian” politicians.
5Actually there is something like “Fantasy Fantasy.” It is called the Nebula Awards for science-fiction writing and this past year there was a big to-do about chauvinist “libertarian” boys all upset because some (as JJ would say) “vagina-toting” authors were nominated. The sane fantasy fans won.
6Micr: The real Phyllis died years ago. Haven’t you heard of the walking dead? AND she always pulls one of these stunts close to Halloween? Hmmmm…
7In Texas?!?!?
8‘spect these female dips###s once fantacized about Rock Hudson until they discovered he was GAY! Like Schlafly’s son.
9Texas I could do you a proper. But, you would owe me. We don’t need fantasy in Nevada. We have the real stuff that would send old Phyllis on her long past due final stroke. If a tour of the many sports books doesn’t trip her neural synapses, buying her lunch at one of the local chicken ranches would.
Bets on how many bites she gets into her lunch, before she notices the decor.
10MEH!!! Its just another gambling scheme to attract losers who think they can beat the house. If they could then it would not exist!
11But Fantasy Football isn’t about sex. It’s about money moving around in a free market. I would have thought the right wing would just love it.
Of course, I guess it also means that people are having fun and we can’t have that.
“The puritan hated bear baiting, not because it gave pain to the bear, but because it gave pleasure to the spectators.”
12Thomas Babington Macaulay
So, is carrying around a big firearm actually fantasy sex?
13Hey! Slipstream gots a brilliant idea! Fantasy Evangelicals!
You pick six or eight television preachers, Bible college presidents, or Focus on the Fambly nutjobs for your team.
Then points are awarded on sliding scale for boffing the assistant, found unconscious with cocaine around the nostrils, or cruising on a gay website.
I have to thank Phyllis for inspiring this idea.
14Oooo, Slipstream! Dibs on Kim Davis!
15Full speed ahead, Slipstream. I’ll play.
16OOH OOH–I want Huckabee!!!!
17Phyllis looks like Anthony Perkins stashed her for years in the attic of the house next to the Bates Motel. Somebody must have tipped her out of her rocking chair.
Aside from that, however, I’ve always been skeptical of betting on anything that runs on two legs or four, though my daddy forgot to warn me about spiders, crustaceans, caterpillars and millipedes.
There is a lot of scamming going on in fantasy football, so if Phyllis Schlafly wants to chase after that and if it’ll keep that ancient harridan busy and out of other issues, I have no problem.
18When is she going to give up on fantasy politics?
19Phyllis has been testy ever since that darn Eva Braun got the upper hand.
20Christians hate fantasy, which is why they hate Harry Potter; the only fantasy they want is Jesus.
21I thought Fantasy Football was the jock version of Dungeons and Dragons until I saw a recent ad during an NFL game that said, “We will match your first $200.” Sounds to me like they’re sucking couch-jocks into a possible gambling addiction, which is not good, but why is Phyllis (dang, isn’t she dead yet? or maybe as JAKvirginia suggests, she is) not going after casinos too?
She must think there’s some kind of sex involved. That’s all she ever seemed to care about.
Couldn’t stand that dried-up hypocrite running all over the country telling other women to stay home.
22Remember an old movie called Health? Lauren Bacall was in it. She played a character that was so ancient it took shots of whatever into her anatomy to revive her every damn time her eyes glazed over and she couldn’t move her perpetually open mouth. I swear that Shlafley has been hiding in that movie for years! As I recall, whenever I saw her on the TV she was once again proving beyond a shadow of a doubt just how dumb as a bag of spoons she was! Must have been the scent of bundles of benjamins that woke her out of her zombie sleep!
23PLEASE don’t show us pictures of Phyllis. Have you no sense of decency?
24@JAKvirginia
25Well that splains it. She’s a zombie. Wonder to whom she has pledged her undead allegiance?
@maggie
26mmmmm Lauren Bacall
Why is she agin it?
27Phyl’s nephew brews some tasty beer. He is quick to say his politics are different than his uncle’s wife’s.
28Fantasy Evangelicals
Where fantasy evangelicals, played by fake christians, fake outrage at anything they deem of satan.
29They have imaginary powers that allow them to tell the rest of us what is christian or unchristian, good or bad.
have to keep giving the rubes a reason to continue sending donations. retail grifting isn’t as easy as it looks.
30“Sisterns.” That’s a good one and I’m going to SIWPFTB (swipe it with pride from the best). But why is sistern She-fly wearing wings on her garb.
31@Micr: I heard a mention of ol’ Phyllis on the news today, and my first thought was, “is she still alive?” My second thought was “#%+%£^, I hate that woman.” It makes me sad that there are a few people out there who I can’t help feeling the world would be a better place without. (Pardon my grammar). That is not a polite thought to have, but there it is. Phyllis is one of those people, Koch Brothers are two more. Lord forgive me.
32They are experts on fantasy morality.
33I was in the trenches in Illinois back when. I despise the hag up close and personal.
34@Jill Ann
35Yep. I have such a list as well. “Better dead” list I call it. Seems like the longer I live, the longer it gets.
The Lord don’t know her and the Devil can’t stand her, so we are stuck with ol’ Phyllis until she turns into a whetstone.
36I have only a thin veneer of Christianity as it is. Every time I hear about that… um, poor excuse for a female… I feel very deep gouges in said veneer. In other words, I despise her with a burning passion. If that witchy old hagbag of a hol(e)y hypocrite believed her own spew she would have just stayed home and STFU (JJ, sorry that’s the best I can do to make this Momma friendly).
37As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I’ve got a little list — I’ve got a little list
Of society offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed — who never would be missed!
http://lyrics.wikia.com/wiki/Gilbert_And_Sullivan:As_Some_Day_It_May_Happen
I’m not up for it today, but I’m sure daChipster could come up with a version. It’s been redone a number of times, since it keeps being relevant.
38There is a hell and it is what keeps the core of the earth warm…
Now that it is fall and cooling off I can’t wait for Phyllis to get there and provide a few more btu’s of heat…
I’d love to see the look on her face when she discovers her hateful brand of christianity wasn’t quite what Jesus taught…
39What got me is how they included her in Texas history books while removing Cesar Chavez.
40Gently reminding people that “Christians” encompasses a wide range of denominations and opinions. Some hate fantasy. Some do not. Many Christians appreciate fantasy; some of us even write it.
41“only the good die young” means that when someone nice dies, you miss them. When someone evil dies it is longed for and they are not missed. I also have experience that it seems the Good Lord does not want evil people in His heaven and so they reside on earth a lot longer than the rest of us. Karma.
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