The Texas War Zone
I figure that since I live in Texas, I might as well be your foreign correspondent on Obama Taking Over Texas for No Good Reason At All.
Read for yourself a typical Facebook post from a patriot. Click the little one to see the big one.
There were 71 comments to that post and only one expressed any questions about why this guy didn’t bleed when shot or why were they there in the first place. The men in black are now with Jade Helm?
And if you’re wondering why this wasn’t reported on CNN, there’s an answer for that. Click the little one to get … oh hell, just click it.
Yep, that’s all 5 people in the new media.
And then there are those having fun with it.
My daughter-in-law is pretty certain that there’s no such thing as a live armadillo. And the reason she’s certain is that she’s never seen a live one. The only armadillos she has ever seen are belly up in the middle of the road. She figures that somebody with nothing better to do, which pretty much includes everybody in the towns of Pleak, Pasadena, and Pine, runs out and puts these fake dead animals in the roadway just to mess with our minds. Or maybe they are just born dead. I dunno.
Anyway, there’s a guy named Guy who has the inside scoop. He has heard the report that a well-trained militia of Kamikaze Armadillos is the first line of defense in Texas.
“There’s no way we can win a conventional war, not even with the Texas Guard, Chuck Norris and Ted Nugent on our side,” said Derringer, who called himself the five-star brigadier general of the Volunteer Army of the Republic of Texas. “And it’s damn near impossible to fight a successful guerilla campaign without jungles like ‘Nam or mountains like ‘Stan—so we aim to get creative.”
Yes, you guessed it, they are arming armadillos for underground warfare …
“We read about the secret tunnels beneath Wal-Marts, the ones they’ll use for re-education camps,” Derringer said. “One tunnel plus one armadillo equals no more tunnels and a lot more freedom.”
It’s a plan so crazy that it just might work.
Thanks to Laura and Guy for the heads up.
Oh, come on, IronCelt, the Dasypus novemcinctus (nine-banded armadillo), is the official Texas state small mammal. Let’s have a little respect here, leprosy or not!
1I guess one gets syphillis from Sesame Street’s Syphilligus,the one with the trunk.
2Oh EPO that’s the Snuffleupagus and he spreads allergies!
3OK, so I was invited to this costume party in Bastrop, so I thought I would go as a ninja. My older brothers thought that would be cool too, so we all got the same costumes. Anyway, I went over to invite my friend Brent to the party as he lives just down the street from us.
Anyhow, our old Suburban probably needs a new muffler as it’s a bit loud except when idling. We drove over to Brent’s house and I went up and knocked on the door. Unfortunately, my brother Bob decided to toss a wooden katana at me just as I knocked on the door. I ducked as I didn’t get a chance to catch it and it hit Brent’s glass door and broke it. Brent comes to the door and freaks out because his door is broken.
I tried to say something but then Brent pulls out his gun and starts shooting. Good thing for me he only uses blanks, otherwise I would have been seriously hurt. We high-tailed it out of there, and I made a note to sent Brent an apology and offer to pay for the glass door.
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