In Case You Just Happen to Survive Jade Helm, There’s Another One Coming
Okay, so here’s the deal. A big ole giant asteroid is coming on September 24th, 2015.
The government knows about it but is keeping it a secret (apparently not very well) to keep everybody from panicking.
Following a series of warnings from doomsday prophets, there is increasing convergence of opinion among believers that an asteroid apocalypse will occur in September, 2015.
But while governments with privileged information are allegedly keeping the information secret, the “elite” are preparing secretly to survive the catastrophe, according to conspiracy theorists.
Yep, those damn “elites” are at it again.
It’s going to hit Puerto Rico. More details are here.
I do not know if President Obama caused this astroid but I pretty much figure he did because he needs to hide his real birth certificate and a jumbo raging fiery inferno would do the trick.
So, even if you do make it through Jade Helm, there’s this sucker. And you will need more and bigger guns to fight this thing. Maybe even your own nuke.
There ain’t enough tin foil in the world, Honey.
Willian Tapley, The third eagle of the apocalypse, has been all over Jade Helm like “white on rice”. I’m sure if end times were imminent he would have let us know. As for me , Armageddon outta here.
1How exactly is the gubmint keeping people, especially astronomers professional and amateur from looking up?
2Gives us Yankees just enough time to build a fence across the Mason-Dixon line border to keep southern trash9wingnuts) from escaping to the North.
3Wingnuts endorse & thrill at every prediction of catastrophe they hear about–except the one that is actually happening:
radical climate change.
4There should be joyous dancing in the streets by these lunatics (and a migration to Puerto Rico), after all it will help them all get to their heaven that much sooner. So, all hail the coming of the great asteroid to help them off this horrible world that they helped create.
5Little do they realize that hidden in the disturbed space in the wake of the asteroid is the Cylon invasion force.
6Yellowstone will blow first. That’s something else “they” are hiding from us. (Local minor league wingnut.)
7Y’know, I Wiki’d this and was going to share with you. But I’m sure you all know the “prediction” is just plain hooey. Typical.
8Thanks, Micr, for giving me a smile with the BG reference.
9Oh, shitzu! I spent X number of years in grad school getting a degree in psych when I could have been out in the great wide world of craziness getting hands on experience! Well, damn!
10Is there anything, anything at all, that konservatives aren’t afraid of?
Other than real threats, that is.
They must enjoy being frightened since they work so hard at it.
11After looking at the website I’m worried. Although the writer readily admits “I am not a space engineer,” from the style and layout of the home page marianne certainly appears to be a time traveler. She’s safely posting from I would say, about 1999, but I can only assume she also moves into the future as well, perhaps to see the cataclysmic events of August 24th 2015? (but not from a beach)
12Yet another reason to be glad I’m not a RWNJ. Those poor suckers spend their days in fear of everything and everybody. The rest of us could just get on with our lives if they’d get out of the way with their screaming and gun-waving.
13Fortunately, the asteroid’s path was deflected by continual blasts of hot air from right-wingnutistan and the prayers of the faithful.
14Shoot! Now there’s no chance of Puerto Rico becoming a state,
15since the asteroid will blow it to smithereens before the GOP lets it out of committee.
I’m just glad that during our last trip to Costco I bought the two-roll package of aluminum foil and that I live in the Great Northwest. I hope that counts if the planet gets knocked out of orbit or stops revolving. So many, many things for me to worry about that sometimes I fall asleep before I’m finished worrying.
16I think I’m going to set up a website to promote my own theory that President Obama is going to cause the biggest, meanest, fastest spinning hurricane ever seen (a Cat 7 at least!) to sit offshore Puerto Rico on September 24. When the asteroid comes blazing down, Hurricane Obama will take it square on and bounce that sucker back into the outer reaches of space. Unfortunately, it will cause a sonic boom that will trigger earthquakes, blow down New York City, and flood the entire eastern seaboard from the backwash.
Meanwhile, back in Texas, the military troops who have been “training” all summer will be already be strategically placed to enforce martial law when the Yellowstone super volcano blows its cork on September 25 and the tin foil crowd finds out that their new hats won’t deflect the ashes and lava.
17“It’s going to hit Puerto Rico.” Any statisticians in the audience? Astronomers?
18This is the Truth: The Rapture has already happened, and everyone still here is stuck for the duration, so they’d better try to make the environment as pleasant as possible.
19The caldera under Yellowstone is a bigger threat than any asteroid! When that thing wakes up let’s hope it’s not too bad or it could seriously make a total mess of North America.
20Has John Hagee confirmed this?
21Just wait until they get their hands on this “Hypothetical Impact Scenario” and get all freaked out like the “War of the Worlds” radio program listeners: http://neo.jpl.nasa.gov/pdc15/
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