The Sky Is Falling! The Sky Is Falling! No, No, Wait, The Koran Book Is Falling!
Holy cow, y’all. We had a sheriff out in west Texas just go bonkers.
Texas sheriff spoke to Fox & Friends host Elizabeth Hasselbeck this morning and warned her that members of the ISIS terrorist group, attempting to consolidate power in the Middle East, are also currently infiltrating the United States by sneaking over the border from Mexico.
Gary Painter, a sheriff from Midland County, Texas, had a warning for the would-be terrorists, saying, if they “show their ugly head in our area, we’ll send them to hell.”
Now Sheriff Painter out in Midland, Texas, which is the county seat of Midland County, got himself on Fox News by saying that he has heard “rumors” that Isis is coming across the border in Juarez. Of course he heard that rumor — on Fox News.
Midland County is 300 miles of rough road from anydamnwhere.
Nobody lives in Midland, Texas, on purpose. It’s where their car ran out of gas and instead of walking 300 miles, they just give up and live there.
Now how do the people who told Sheriff Painter about Isis coming across the border know that Isis is a’comin’ across the border?
We have found copies — our people along the border — have found Muslim clothing, they have found Koran books that are laying on the side of the trail. So we know that there are Muslims that have come across, that have been smuggled into the United States.
Muslim clothes? Anything that is not a poncho?
Koran books? You know, as opposed to the Koran tablecloth or the infamous Koran shopping cart.
Sheriff Painter is pretty damn sure that all Muslims are card carrying members of Isis and that they drop Koran books like Hansel and Gretel and that they shed their clothing on the Mecca to, as Elizabeth Hasslebeck so intellectually puts it, “drown us in our own blood?”
And not to be outdone by Hasselbeck, Sheriff Painter adds what he’d do if he could …
“I think the United States needs to get busy and they need to bomb ‘em. They need to take ‘em out. I would like for them to hit them so hard and so often that every time they hear a propeller on a plane or a jet aircraft engine, that they urinate down both legs.”
Both legs? Really, sheriff? You haven’t had an erection in a long time, have you?
Anybody know when was the last time we used propeller airplanes to bomb?
So here’s the whole mess live in living color on the electric teevee set.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPJ6KNa3qR0#t=115
Thanks to everybody for the heads up.
Ah, fear mongering at its ugly best. Bill Maher’s comment that
1Fox News is responsible for our nation’s political fragmentation is
right on point. Thanks to Roger Ailes & Company, this country has been brought to its knees by rumor, innuendo and outright
lies.
It isn’t JUST that the NY based media laughs their collective a$$e$ off when they film one of our hick-ish elected officials saying something so out-of-this-universe stooped. It isn’t even that these same folks figure the other Texans – male, female, young, old, white, black, whatever – are equally hick-ish and stupid. It IS that Sheriff Painter has a constituency that elected him in Midland County. I understand the concept of “useful idiot”, but really he can’t be THAT useful.
2My son has done one tour of duty in Iraq and 2 in Afghanistan. I’m thinking anybody who makes any indication that we should send any military personnel to the Middle East needs to start by choosing 2 close relatives of their choice (child, sibling, grandchild) to sign up for the infantry. And make sure they report for duty in any one of the countries in trouble.
3I have to say re: urinating down both legs, only old ladies do that and I don’t see any old ladies dragging their books, Koran or otherwise, into Tayuksis.
4I suspect that any Muslim who casually abandons a Koran is not very devout and therefore unlikely to risk his life to establish a fundamentalist Caliphate.
On the flip side, I fear that too many Texans are eager to establish the U.S. as a “Christian” nation.
5djw, I’m with you. You want war, sign up yourself and take your oldest grandchild with you.
6I feel sorry for Liz Hasslebeck’s kids. Don’t they live in New York City? They must get laughed at every day in school b/c of the crazy stuff that comes out of their mom’s mouth. I mean, the greed is one thing, but the paranoia? Those kids will surely be in therapy at some point.
7I heard tell if you stand too close to a crazy sheriff from Texas
8you end up snake handling, joining the GOP, voting for Ted Cruz
and having to live next door to Steve Stockman. Not pretty.
I’ll bet that Sheriff Gary Painter pisses down both legs at the very mention of the word ISIS.
9Here we go again, bombing brown people. Meskuns, Koran-droppers, what the hey, they’re all terrorists tryin’ to distroy our Amurrican way of life, ain’t they?
I’ve never been to Texas, but is there something about the size of the cowboy hat being inversely proportional to the size of the brain underneath it?
10Small cowboy hat. Hmm. Our youngest son used to have a cowboy hat that fit him perfectly when he was three years old. He wore it ALL the time. We got it at a garage sale. I wonder what grownup it used to belong to….
11The ladies at my Zumba class last week were all a flutter over ISIS supposedly being in Juarez. I didn’t even need to ask where they heard that. I knew. Then, the next day we had a bomb threat called in to the high school and everyone freaked out. Turns out it was a dumb kid who wanted to get his girlfriend out of school for the day. He was from Louisiana. Not even close to Juarez…
12Let me guess.
Sheriff Painter…… Born, raised, and EDUCATED….. in Texas.
Watches only Faux News on the teevee machine.
Hasselbeck better watch out. Next thing you know…. he’ll have her job.
13Lovely when the response to a threat is genocide. Kill ’em all and let god sort them out. He must have gotten his education at one of the finer institutions like Oral Roberts University.
14Here is the way I see that sheriff…
15http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HN0hxuXCwfQ
Painter and Hasselbeck – one macadamia talking to another.
Hey, isn’t Midland where the Bush family lived for many years?
Now I understand!!!
16Sheriff Painter needs to be slapped upside his head by the Bible on one side and the Koran on the other, then he can decide which hurt most.
17Joe Aripaio has a brother?
18What’s the chance that this Koran was left by James O’Keefe when he pulled his southern border crossing stunt a few weeks ago dressed as Osama Bin Laden.
19Didn’t George W (shrub) grow up in Midland, and meet Laura there?
20Appearing on Faux news has got to be the apex of Painter’s little life. The ignorance in texaasistan is palpable.
21Dear God save us from the likes of Gary Painter and Ms. Lindsey Graham!! Can’t you just see both these idiots running around in circles with their hands flapping in the air crying “… the sky is falling, the sky is falling” and with a straight face, they dare to declare it is so!!
22Sure would be fun if someone could start planting a few spare Korans in downtown Midland. Probably wouldn’t need real ones, just some old books with a paper cover with KORAN written on it.
23Just one technical correction, the Predator drone is propeller driven.
24We know these people can’t spell, the “books” they supposedly found probably had Moran written on it instead of Koran (like ‘Moran for Dummies’ or ‘How to Survive being a Moran’).
He keeps referring to the U.S. as “they”; I’m sorry to inform him that he is also a citizen of the U.S. Therefore as part of the “they”, I think it is Sheriff Painter’s patriotic duty to stand guard at the border 24/7/365 days to watch out for those wily Muslims in muslim clothing who try to cross the Mexican border. I’ll even contribute to his lifetime supply of the diapers he’ll need every time he hears a propeller.
25@John Peter Henson: “Kill ‘em all and let God sort them out.”
26Heard that strategy and tactic many times during boot camp in 1971ish. The times may be a’changing, but not by very damn much!
@glf: I agree. Sheriff Painter, “I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. “
27djw,
hopefully darth cheney will heed your advice and lead the charge, with his wife and straight daughter providing cover fire with their big mouths.
sounds like midland is a lot like levelland in the James McMurtry song where “the wagon musta lost a wheel or they lacked ambition, one”
Lorraine,
28good point about the hasslebeck kids. remember Hannity’s idle boast to leave New York for Texas? He back tracked on that as soon as he figured out that meant living amongst the morons fox news grifts 24 hours a day. This just proves the fact that most if not all the fox newsers aren’t really that dumb to believe the crap they spout. They just do it for the cash regardless of the public ridicule. It’s just too good a grift to quit. And they do it so well, you can’t tell they’re lying the same way Budweiser tells us to drink responsibly.
If the state of Texas needed an enema, Midland would be the logical place to do it.
29Gary Painter and Lindsey Graham ought to get together. Now wouldn’t they just make the cutest couple!
30Karla and djw, I have this to add. Yes all politicos children and grandchildren should be on the ground first ( no cushy administrative jobs) and the cartoon is enhanced by
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XTGmTrQXrwg
Texas is in deep trouble…I keep sending money to help turn it blue…so much need and I have so little cash..sigh…turn it blue!
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