Okey Dokey, Smokey
Sometimes people are so weird that it stands out. In a day and age where it’s hard to tell satire from reality, Chris Sevier, a writ twit in Tennessee, glows in the weirdness darkness.
Last year, Chris sued Apple for not putting a porn blocker on his computer, which caused him to watch porn, and destroyed his marriage. Chris contends that porn is addictive. I did not know that. I have scientific evidence that sex is addictive, but porn, I dunno.
This year, Chris moved to Florida where he has sued A&E for taking Phil Robertson off teevee. He was also arrested for stalking country music star John Rich.
Now he has filed …
…a motion to intervene on the Florida gay marriage case on behalf of “other minority sexual orientation groups.” In the 24-page document, Sevier says that if gay couples “have the right to marry their object of sexual desire, even if they lack corresponding sexual parts, then I should have the right to marry my preferred sexual object.” Which is? “My porn filled Apple computer,” according to Sevier’s filing.
His computer is more sexually attractive to him than women.
Speaking for women everywhere, “Thank you, God.”
Thanks to John for the heads up.
So his computer just magically started showing him porn and tied him into his chair and forced him to watch it?
1That’s a pretty warped fantasy there, Chris.
I think the “object of sexual desire” you want to marry has to be able to give consent. Not sure how he thinks his porn-filled laptop… okay, I’m sorry I typed those words… would give consent.
My computer does not have a porn blocker. Somehow I manage to Just Say No.
2That well is gettin’ crowded.
3Florida, huh? What are the chances this guy owns weapons? If he & his computer fiancee get into a argument about said porn and he shoots his computer, will he ask to be charged with domestic assault?
Good grief.
4I frankly don’t give a damn if he marries his computer; God knows no human would have him. Fifteen minutes of fame, anyone?
Rhea, I’m with you. I s’pose it’s out there, but I haven’t looked. Incidentally, (believe it or not) I also haven’t looked up how to make a pipe bomb, but sometimes republicans and Xtians do tempt me.
5So much confusion, so little time. Woody Allen’s character in ‘Sleeper’ said:
“I haven’t seen my analyst in 200 years. He was a strict Freudian. If I’d been going all this time, I’d probably almost be cured by now.”
Chris Sevier might need a little longer than that.
6What? You thought palm pilots were manufactured? Its dildos sleeping with porn computers. Why do you think wingnuts wax their palms everyday?
7I am surprised that no terrorist has used that defense. Look how easy I found this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGtCD6k5CVE
How to make a pipe bomb.
Why didn’t Bill Gates have a blocker on my PC in order to stop me from accessing this? Why didn’t the terrorists just blame Microsoft?
As a matter of fact, why didn’t drunks blame someone for not blocking their way to the liquor store? Once you jump on that bandwagon of blaming others for your lack of control – there is no end to it.
8Gee, my computer NEVER forced me to watch anything. Maybe I need a Mac…..
9He’s a Mac user? Mac users are supposed to be smarter than the average bear. And if that is his mug shot, his expression makes me feel like I’ve been slimed.
10Oh, Chris! Chris! You got litigious-itis real bad, honey! yeah, I know. It gives you a total of 15 seconds of fame and its so damn fleeting, ain’t it! Ya just gotta keep on doin’ it! Tell ya what! Nows yer chance to really get some press. Whip up a 12 point program for computer porn addicts! I’m sure they will all flock to you like whatever flies to Capistrano every year. And as for that “other minority sexual orientation groups”, that’s already been done when the Roman Emperor Caligula married his damn horse!
11My Mac has never forced to me to watch porn, nor do I have any desire to do so.
12As wacko as public officials in Tennessee seem to be, at least the state had the presence of mind to suspend this dude’s law license a couple years ago due to “mental infirmity or illness.”
http://www.tbpr.org/NewsAndPublications/Releases/Pdfs/Sevier%202089-5.634716349183682622.pdf
Of course, this probably doesn’t preclude Sevier from running for office and joining Stacy Campfield in the Tennessee Senate.
13Let him marry it. Let it force him to sign a prenup. Let his Mac take him for everything he’s worth. All $1.98.
14When I saw that picture my first thought was that I’m glad it is not a scratch-n-sniff picture because he certainly looks like he’s not too interested in hygiene.
I feel sorry for his computer. Does it have the right to say no? Is this a forced marriage like under Sharia Law?
15And there you have it in a nutshell – all marriage is about sexual desire, and sexual desire only….A certain over played Foreigner song comes to mind…..
16e platypus onion….they don’t wax their palms every day, they grease them.
17Umm.. is the computer old enough to be able to consent? If it’s only five years old, he’s in some serious trouble. And yes, there ARE computers that old that are capable – I remember seeing an ad in a computer magazine in 1995 or so for animated lady parts. I have no idea how well it worked under Windows 3.1, but someone was building SOMETHING and trying to sell it for some $500. Ahh, yes, the days of garage computer pioneers…
18So this guy can sue Apple under a ridiculous theory, but I can’t sue the phone company when they rip me off because they have a mandatory arbitration clause in the contract?
Of course, the tort reform people will be all over this guy – yet another excuse for keeping people with real injuries away from courts.
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