Oh, So THAT’S How People Get Pregnant!

April 21, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Lauren Ashburn works for Fox News but only because Satan wasn’t hiring that week.

She has decided that Chelsea Clinton’s pregnancy was planned by Hillary Clinton so that Hillary wouldn’t appear too old to be President.

laurenYeah, she thinks being a grandmother makes you younger.

And then to add fun to the whaaaaaat? mix, she added …

“I think a lot of reporters think maybe this was planned.”

Okay, but then the Fox News panelists decided that the mainstream media was going to make Chelsea’s child the “royal baby.”  So maybe it wasn’t “a lot” of reporters?

Yes, I am certain that Chelsea’s pregnancy was planned.  By Chelsea and her husband.  Why should they have to wait from 2014 to 2017 to have a baby?

So, if you see any classified ads for Assistant Satan, please let Lauren Ashburn know.

Be social and share!

0 Comments to “Oh, So THAT’S How People Get Pregnant!”


  1. This shows that for the GOP’s PR division, Fox News, just like for the parent organization, nothing in life has any reality outside of its potential for political gain. Pregnancy and family, religion, education, climate, education, science, etc exist only for their usefulness in politics.

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  2. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    Certainly Chelsea Clinton and her husband, Marc Mezvinsky were in a conspiracy to conceive a child. Optimum age to become parents had nothing to do with their decision. [/snark]

    Daughter with biological clock ticking makes Sec Clinton look younger how?

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  3. Does just commenting on FOX immediately lower your IQ points down to a babbling idiot who eats paste—or is it just
    the over bleaching of the hair?

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  4. Ralph Wiggam says:

    I was raised in a part of Arkansas where being a grandmother usually started around age 35. Perhaps that is what Ms. Ashburn is referring to.

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  5. shortpeople says:

    Let’s see, she’s 34 and into her 4th year of marriage. I remember when 34 was considered old for a first time mom. Some doctors still consider it to be pushing the bottom end of the envelope. If she continued to remain childless, we’d be hearing what a horrible job Hillary had done, raising a child hating daughter. Or they might remark that Chelsea was struck barren as a punishment for her mom’s behavior.

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  6. Conspiracy theories are fun, but given Chelsea’s age, it’s not too awfully difficult to believe she and her husband decided it might be time.

    It’s more fun to believe that Hillary basically had Chelsea impregnated as part of her master plan, of course.

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  7. You mean this one’s not Obama’s fault?

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  8. Dammit Maryelle (sorry momma): Don’t give Faux Noos any ideas. 😀

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  9. It’s obvious that the bleach ran down her roots and ate her brain.

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  10. Larry McLaughlin says:

    Does ANYONE on Faux have either a brain or a heart?

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  11. Elise Von Holten says:

    As a bleached blonde customer of the Salon, my “blonde” feelings are being hurt! I think it’s the combo of blonde and republican that reduces the brain cells–we know Fox “news” makes you dumber, or maybe it’s the bleaching starting at puberty, instead of just working to blend in the adult gray…
    Starting out as a real brunette, my braininess was never in question…when I went blonde at 55, the dumb jokes started flying–I can’t wait until I can be gray! (Being the partner of a younger man who is in Med school with 27 yr olds–I’m blonde!)

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  12. In defense of blonde women (though I’m a redhead), a blonde TV presenter and journalist just won $670,000 in Europe’s top poker tournament, beating 556 competitors, most of whom I assume were men.

    She is the only person who’s ever won it twice.

    http://www.theguardian.com/sport/2014/apr/20/victoria-coren-mitchell-makes-poker-history

    Is Fox News for real or is it trying to replace The Colbert Report on the Comedy Channel?

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  13. anyone for the “accident” theory?

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  14. TexasEllen says:

    I would guess that Chelsea and her husband planned this baby after a decent period of early marriage together and before the clock ran out. Sensible young people who likely did not receive “abstinence only” sex education making decisions about their own family, what a concept.

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  15. Rosemary says:

    Blonde women, of course, are not inherently dumb. Fox just prefers hiring vacuous, decorative women who are good at saying what they’re told to say. The white under-educated menfolks who are their audience prefer their little fillies to be blonde.

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  16. Old Fart says:

    See, everything has to be on Faux’s timetable. I can’t even come up with anything silly enough to follow that…

    Well, congrats to the happy couple!

    Just imagine the stories Grampie will come up with…

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  17. Kris Williams says:

    Hmmm, while Chelsea is busy completing her PhD and reproducing, Fox is mentally regressing to the middle school level.

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  18. So when did they get reporters at Faux?

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  19. John Peter Henson says:

    They do not like mainstream science telling them things over at Faux News. They have been eating paint chips to prove it does not affect their thinker thingy …..Blondeness has nuttin to do with it….

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  20. Ya mean that stork nesting in the chimney top at Chelsea’s house had nothing to do with this? WOW!

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  21. All y’all have me in stitches!

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  22. Corinne Sabo says:

    Too bad Ashburn hid behind the door when brains were handed out.

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  23. Marge Wood says:

    Honey, these folks have deadlines to meet so if they can’t find any real news, like the fact that Texas is turning into desert by 10 miles per year, they have to drink coffee and scratch their heads to think what would get viewers. I mean, nobody wants to hear about arid lands, esp. not where they own land. Sheesh.

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  24. UmptyDump says:

    Ashburn, as you point out, “works for Fox News.” She is not a journalist because her comments don’t rise to the standards of journalistic news reporting.

    She is billed as a news analyst. Or maybe she should spell it anal-ist, because her comments emanate from a different orifice than qualified journalists use. Biased, snarky and stinky.

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  25. WOW, just WOW!

    Chelsea…”received an undergraduate degree at Stanford University and later earned master’s degrees from Oxford University and Columbia University’s Mailman School of Public Health. Clinton is currently pursuing a PhD at the University of Oxford.”

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  26. They was fer babies until it came time to be agin em.

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  27. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    Lless the convoluted values of the RWNJs never fails to amaze. “Family Values” is a plank in their eyes. Where’s the congratulations to President and Secretary Clinton for remaining married? Where’s the kudos to Chelsea Clinton-Mezvinsky for completing an excellent educational path, marrying and having a child planned by she and her husband?

    For policy reasons, I’m not a Clinton fan. In an acronym, PNAC. But facts are facts, Mama Grizzly and her cubs or Sec Clinton and her successful daughter, Chelsea Clinton-Mezvinsky? Give me the Clintons.

    RWNJ Redux; they used to be for fetuses, but apparently successful fetuses with potential scare them.

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  28. Corinne! your comment took me right back 60 years to my childhood…my mom OFTEN said, either to me, or just remarked as an aside, well, when they passed out the brains, you must have been behind the door…or…that woman, when they passed out the brains, was obviously behind the door. THANK YOU! (Nice to hear my prematurely snarky mom in your comment…!)

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  29. Okay, so first it’s that women can release hormones on demand to avoid getting pregnant from a rapist. Now it also turns out that women can get pregnant at will. I wish I’d known that years ago when it took me over five years to have a successful pregnancy after many miscarriages. Guess I didn’t know the secret words.

    Also, I want to believe that Chelsea and her husband did, indeed, plan this pregnancy. Maybe I’m just a naive supporter of Planned Parenthood, but I would like to congratulate the parents and grandparents.

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  30. VintageMomma says:

    Well, like ol’ Rick Sanitarium said, ” We’ll never have the elite (REALLY, Rick? Look up the definition…) smart people on our side…”

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  31. I thought that the radical right believed that only God could grant the wondrous gift of a pregnancy. Are they saying that God supports Hillary’s campaign?

    Of course, it will all hit the fan when it turns out the kid will be born in Kenya.

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  32. Wait until fox finds out if it’s a boy or a girl. If the baby is a boy, fox will claim they have an (in)credible source who has revealed Chelsea wanted to name him Ben, middle name Gazi, but Hillary nixed it. And why doesn’t Hillary Clinton wish to honor the name of our founding father Benjamin Franklin?

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  33. AuntieBFly says:

    And from the same brainless crowd that gushed about Bristol Palin’s pregnancy in 2008.

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  34. Just Suze says:

    So someone gets married, then gets pregnant a few years later and Fox Spews thinks that’s a sin? Wow! I guess only the Harpy herownself Sarah P can parade her children (including her teenage, pregnant daughter) on a political stage.

    I remember the saying from my childhood: when they were handing out brains, she thought they said trains, and she missed hers.

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  35. I was born a blonde. I stayed that way for a few years, then my hair turned deep brunette. I believe I willed this since I couldn’t turn my hair red like my mother’s (I tried drinking carrot and tomato juice; I’d heard “you are what you eat,” but it didn’t work). I thought it was because I wanted to fit in better with my family, the vast majority of whom were brunettes (although how I managed this epigenetically is a mystery). Perhaps I also wanted to look smart. Unlike a Fox presenter.

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