Fun With Guns: The Butt of All Jokes Edition
Welcome to Georgia, where 29 year old Maurice Brown is the talk of the town. It seems that Maurice went to the hospital to get a bullet taken out of his butt. The police were called and Maurice reported that he was a victim of a horrible crime and had been shot in the hiney.
After police were called to check on a shooting victim, Brown told officers he heard a gunshot as he stepped from his vehicle in the yard. Brown said he didn’t see the gunman but there was a man dressed in all black riding a bicycle when the shooting occurred.
An investigation determined that Brown accidentally shot himself with a pistol in his back, right pant pocket.
Ohmygosh, Johnny Cash was riding a ten speed Schwinn and doing roll-by shootings!
Thanks to Larry for the heads up.
On occasion, I use a bicycle for transportation. I can’t see needing a gun while riding.
1I’m just considering bullet trajectory of gun in pocket vs. gunman on passing bicycle…. This story was not going to hold up for more than two minutes, tops.
2Johnny Cash did it? Gives a whole new meaning to “Ring of Fire.”
3So he butt-shot himself. He should stick to cellular phones in his pocket–then he’ll only butt-dial.
4Another crack pot that is part of the tens of thousands wounded every year. That ought to slow down the NRA. Yes, sure it will.
5Bud, as long as there are idiots who will take “sound shots” while hunting, there will be entirely too many idiots to overbalance the number of sane people in the NRA.
Yes, I said “sound shots.” It was overheard in an airport by a friend a few years back. “We didn’t get any deer this year, but we did get off a few sound shots.” I was horrified, mortified, and terrified. That’s how other hunters (and innocents) get killed.
My daddy taught us better. 1. All guns are loaded, even if you’ve unloaded them. 2. Don’t shoot until you know at what you are shooting (in other words, don’t shoot at shadows in alleys and kill kids). 3. If you do shoot, hit your target (his definition of “gun control”). I never shot anything other than paper targets and tin cans, but missing one of them was a cardinal sin. So was screwing up gun safety. He has absolutely no patience for fools who shoot themselves through carelessness (which I somehow doubt he considers an accident).
6First fishy clue, “a man dressed in all black.” What happened to the standard gohmert, “a black man dressed like a thug”?
Are these gohmerts too busy watching Dimwit Dynasty to know a thing about powder burns?
The Po Po aren’t the brightest kids on the block, but Holy Gohmerts, when you pull an inside job in the seat of your own pants, lay down and shut up.
7Okay, to be fair, having re-read this, the guy never said the biker shot him– just that he heard a shot and there was someone going by on a bicycle. He could have added, “when I shot myself in the ass,” but that may just be a trivial omission.
8Rhea is right — probably just an honest oversight brought on by the trauma of it all, not to mention that most of his brains are probably in his butt. I still want to know if the cyclist was wearing a black hoody.
9I can just see this guy totally limited to standing beside his charming fireplace, one elbow on the mantel, the other arm supporting the pipe in his mouth and hinting through clenched teeth to his grandkids about the Mystery Man that left him with a limp, the Mystery Man who immediately disappeared into the ozone, . . . and the kids have nightmares for the rest of their blighted lives.
10Well, I can top that one. In California last week, I guy shot off his genital when the gun he stuck in his waistband accidentally fired.
http://blog.pe.com/crime/2014/03/18/colton-man-tucks-gun-in-waistband-shoots-genitals/
I cannot even feel sorry for these idiots.
11Sorry that should have been genitalS. Though it may be singular now.
LOL.
12I see the newly genitalless moron was already wanted for violating parole on an assault with a deadly weapon conviction, and illegal firearms charges are being investigated.
Can somebody be convicted for being terminally stupid and a menace to the gene pool? Well, he may have taken care of that second one already, unless he’s got a second one.
13Southern Beale, I said elsewhere that “The more these guys go around protecting their Second Amendment rights, the sooner they’ll be extinct.”
I didn’t have this particular consequence in mind … but hey … whatever works!
14