Free the Panties: The Undie Dance Goes International
By: Fenway Fran
Just last week, my friend Kelly, expat extraordinaire who divides her time among homes in Istanbul, Atyrau and the most exotic Montgomery, Texas, complained about ATMA, the Kazak equivalent of TSA. Kelly raged on her facebook page, warning all travelers out of Atyrau to beware. They had apparently decided to “inspect” one of her suitcases, by breaking off the TSA approved locks and zipper pulls. So, I guess they didn’t have a key. But then it gets interesting. Bag destroyed, they went through her cosmetics and left them loose in the suitcase, fully inspected the bathroom bag, with both toothbrushes out of the bag, and her panties that were in a see through mesh pouch were gone through and balled up in the suitcase. Not even a card saying ‘ATMA Was Here’. All very confusing and quite the violation of privacy.
Today’s AP article in the paper gives possible perspective. Apparently, they were just trying to see if her unmentionables were contraband.
A trade ban on lacy lingerie has Russian consumers and their neighbors with their knickers in a twist.
The ban will outlaw any underwear containing less than 6 percent cotton from being imported, made, or sold in Russia, Belarus and Kazakhstan. And it has struck a chord in societies where La Perla and Victoria’s Secret are panty paradises compared to Soviet-era cotton underwear, which was often about as flattering and shapely as drapery.
On Sunday, 30 women protesters in Kazakhstan were arrested and thrown into police vans while wearing lace underwear on their heads and shouting “Freedom to panties!”
Back in 1991, my young daughters and their crazy Auntie Mary developed their idea of a really good time. Step 1, put a pair of (preferably) clean panties on your head. Step 2, dance like there’s no tomorrow. The undie dance was usually done in the house, but it did escape into the public arena on occasion. One memorable undie dance happened on a shuttle to Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk, because undies were in the beach bag for use after swimsuit removal, and hey, they are so much more fun on your head than in the bag. Who knew it would take so long for this dance craze to make it to Russia?
I like crazy auntie Mary.
1Laughing out loud. I once had a landlady who wore a pair of small children’s panties on her head at night to keep her hair in shape. Otherwise she was very sane. Who knew.
2Other thing came to mind: once while traveling in middle of night on cheap flight from Ottawa, Ontario to New York or somewhere, customs was very slow that night. I also had on a fairly low necked dress although by today’s standards it wasn’t. Anyway, the customs guy made me open my bag and take every item out slowly. He really wasn’t checking my suitcase, you know?
Is there any aspect of women’s lives that the patriarchy does not want to control?
3Methinks Putin doth protest too much about Gays and Women’s underwear. What is he really afraid of?
4This might not count, but when I was in the midst of my all-expenses-paid walking tour of the sun and fun capitol of southeast Asia. One of the big items guys had their wives,sweethearts,girlfriends send them was panty hose which could be worn under fatigues to keep the leeches off. Problem was finding them in large enough sizes.Another friend wore the tops of panty hose over his head at night to keep the creepy crawly critters out of his hair.Never saw a pair of just women’s U- wear or anybody dancing.I suppose it’s possible, but I never witnessed it.
5Many years ago, I was camping at Pedernales Falls without a tent. The mosquitoes were ferocious. Lying in my sleeping bag, I could feel them buzzing my face. The only thing I had were spare undies, so I slept with them pulled over head, covering my face, with the tip of my nose sticking through the pass-through in the front pouch…
6This apparently is due to economics, not prudery; probably trying to boost the Russian/Ukrainian cotton industry.
7A woman in Utah, though, doesn’t even like pictures of women in lingerie:
I am really trying to figure out here what is going on. Huffington Post just recites the arrests, etc. but doesn’t delve into the whys. The Young Turks maintain that the cotton industry is working behind the scenes with the government to get more cotton sold. However, requiring that all panties must be made with a minimum of 6% cotton is dumb (unless I am missing something). If each woman buys 10 pairs of panties, and each has 6% of cotton – that’s still not enough to make one T shirt. What am I not understanding?
8Is this really the 21st century? Once again, women are having to fight those same old battles. So Putin & Co. are afraid women with fancy pants will somehow reflect badly on the communist image. This may end up being the lace which broke the camel’s back.
9Oh, good heavens! Does anyone remember the footage from the film about a mermaid starring Darryl Hannah? The secretary working in the hero’s firm had been hit by lightening and was wearing very strange clothing not in the usual places. That was considered rather humorous. Wonder what would happen if the former Soviet Union nabobs saw that. I just can’t imagine them laughing – at anything!
10maryelle, as a man, I can’t explain the Soviets. I just can’t. Anymore than I could explain the Tea Baggers or the evangelicals. My wife does not dress for me, and I like it that way. She wears what makes her feel her business self, her sports self, and yes, her woman self.
And, yes, when she hangs up an evening dress, before jumping into the shower, I get that it is an ‘unscheduled’ date night.
And, I respect that Jane likes to do her make-up, hair, and buy a new dress, so when I want an additional date night, I try to call before noon, and without spoiling the surprise give her the consideration as to the formality of the restaurant and the dance floor.
Then sometimes we just do crazy spontaneous spur of the moment fun date nights, mornings, and afternoons.
Mars and Venus can live together in “perfect harmony.”
11Don’t dis Draperies, they worked pretty well for Scarlet. 😀
12Very nice, Fenway Fran.
13I’ll add that to my list of reasons for not wanting to live in Russia.
14Oh, Fenway Fran, I would have liked your auntie! My own underwear travel story is different. I went to London for a short stay in the 80s, with a friend. It was inexpensive for Americans at the time (I think the exchange rate was $1.25 to the pound), but we got on line for cheap accommodations, and ended up in a terrible B&B (five flights up, hardly any water pressure in the bath). We went out on the town, and in the morning, I found that ALL the brassieres had been stolen from my bag. After getting over the initial shock, we were laughing, picturing the guys who ran the place wearing them on their heads.
15Best scene from a forgotten suspense novel. Woman decides it’s dangerous to stay on the freighter and she’d better get off at this port. Stuffs clean underwear in coat pocket; can’t be seen with bag. In port, sees something that makes her decide she’d better get back on ship. Confronted by dangerous crewman. Captain comes up and would also like to know why she was off the ship. She takes out panties and hands them to crewman. “Yuri asked me to run an errand for him. Yuri, I wasn’t sure about your size but I think these will fit you.” Walks off and turns back to see Yuri spluttering to captain who’s regarding him with raised eyebrows.
16Auntie Mary for Senator!!!
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