Is That Valium in Your Pants or Are You Just Anti-Anxiety to See Me?
Okay, as if the Republican primary in Texas was not already a source of pride and entertainment, they now have the writ twits involved.
Steve Stockman (genuine crazy person) is running in the GOP primary against John Cornyn (who plays a crazy person in DeeCee).
Stockman jumped all over Cornyn by calling him Barack Obama’s best friend and then Stockman disappeared for a few weeks. In his defense, he claims he did not disappear because people cannot disappear, and science the Bible clearly states that being invisible is not possible. After all, he knew where he was.
So Cornyn’s people set up a little PAC called “I See Paris. I See France. I See Something in Steve’s Underpants.” Okay, I made that up. So sue me. No wait. I didn’t say that. These guys probably would. The PAC was named Texans for a Conservative Majority.
The PAC set about putting up a website where they reproduced a mug shot of Steve being charged with a felony for underwear drug possession, in clear violation of the peace and dignity of the State of Texas as defined in the Texas Criminal Code, Section Oh Dear Lord.
Steve is suing the PAC because he claims he was never arrested for a felony.
But, there’s this from the Dallas Morning News.
As for the felony charge, that stemmed from the time his girlfriend hid three Valium tablets in his underpants when he was reporting for a weekend in jail. “When they found that they charged me with a felony,” he told the Houston Chronicle.
Those interviews were back in 1995, during Stockman’s first two-year stint in Congress.
So, in 1995 Steve admits there was something in his underpants besides anything you could possibly expect and that he was indeed charged with a felony which was later reduced to a misdemeanor because nobody, and I mean nobody, wanted to talk about Steve Stockman’s underpants.
In addition, the underwear incident happened on his way to serve time in the county jail for traffic violations. Hey, if you want to be a United States Senator one day and you find yourself going to county jail for a weekend, at least have the good sense to put a copy of the Constitution in your underwear.
So, Republicans in Texas have been reduced to talking about Steve Stockman’s underpants instead of jobs, education, or health care.
I guess that beat the hell out of talking about how they’ve screwed up Texas.
Thanks to everybody for the heads up.
As I was driving around in north Harris county doing a job that requires considerable travel, I was amazed at the yard signs, all Republican. And, the number of signs supporting Dan Patrick. The problem I see is not the crazy politicians like Stockman, it is the people devoid of critical thinking skills that elect these miscreants. I simply do not understand.
1Ignore the figure behind the curtain…
There’s nothing there to see (?)
2How soon will the first Republican cry “Where was Hillary”?, followed by blaming this on Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, and/or Hollywood’s effect in the country’s morals…
3@dbtexas: My personal theory is the “angry people lose their critical thinking skills” theory. The idea behind scapegoating is to pick a scapegoat, get people angry at the scapegoat, and then promise to fight the scapegoat. Politicians have been using it for centuries, long before scientists began studying it using brain scans.
Republicans have long been getting folks angry at scapegoats (collectively, “liberals”) for a long time. After years of Faux News indoctrination, all the Republicans need to do to get a large percentage of the population to vote their way is to mention the “L” word. It’s something we’ll have to counter with emotional appeals rather than rational arguments.
4In all fairness, underpants seem to be a higher priority issue with the religious right than things like poverty, education, voters’ rights, etc.
Though they are usually fixating on women’s underpants.
5The thought of Stockman or Dan Patrick winning election in November makes ME want to take a Xanax.
6Thanks RepubAnon. I believe you are absolutely correct. I was raised in the Southern Baptist Church. As I aged and matured (I hope), I began to wonder why the preacher was always angry, railing against one thing or the other. I recall well hearing over and over that the pope would rule America were John Kennedy elected president. Finally, in a moment of revelation, I understood that the angry preacher needed to continually stir the pot to keep his congregation riled up – and giving money. Not at all unlike your descriptions of so called “conservatives.” Also, I found the concept of apologetics interesting – the fact that an entire line of study was necessary to explain the supposed contradictions in the bible. I’ve come to accept that there is an equal form of “reasoning” that should be deemed Republican Apololgetics. What is most disquieting however, is that somewhere in my life, critical thinking skills kicked in. I do not consider myself particularly intelligent, so, if I can see through these “apologetics,” why can’t everyone else? I do not believe the Stockman’s and Cruz’s of the world have the best interests of society in their hearts.
7How in the world does one hid pills in a Republican’s underpants? Are they different than regular underpants? If you’d try to hide pills in my underpants, the pills would simply fall out while I was putting them on. I really really need to know haw republican underpants are different. Do they have pockets?
8Ted Nugent’s underwear. Steve Stockman’s underpants.
9Please let is stop there. Otherwise I’m afraid Sarah Palin may see a chance to get in the papers again. Hopefully she doesn’t have anything to promote.
Not sure if men’s are the same, but women’s underpants have a reinforced crotch, a double layer of material. If the stitching is removed then it might provide storage for, uh, hidden “something”. The “something” might not be very palatable afterwards.
10The fact that we are discussing this with regards to U.S. Congressman is equally distasteful. Yuk!
I laughed out loud so loudly my husband had to come in and see what was so funny–and then he laughed out loud too. Thank you for my chuckle of the day, even if the thought of Steve Stockman’s underpants IS a little bit skeevy.
11Oh, JJ, why in the world did you have to make me picture SS’s underpants? I just got done eating!
12Our vocabulary list is growing. Let’s see, we have gohmert and cruz and now we have stockman. Stockman can be used as a verb, an adjective or a noun. I mean besides the usual usage meaning “someone who has a bunch of livestock”. Yes, stockman can be used as a synonym for “He stockmans with the worst of them” or “His stockman was in the laundry room.” I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead.
13And one of our “frenemies” told me I should count my blessings, try to see the bright side in low pay and even though he’d never heard of ALEC, after reading my description he’s all for it. I’m counting my blessings for this list. Blog? Community?
14Marge Wood, traditional meaning of stockyard, when standing ankle deep. That can be expanded to neck deep as concerns politicians and the level of their lies. Over the top stockyard would mean disappearing in a load of their own gohmerts.
Wait for it, my prediction is that Rant Paul will disappear in a sinkhole of gohmerts. For real, he may implode before Christie.
Off topic, TPP on serious hold and NAFTA under scrutiny. Keep shining that light on Penny Pritzker, follow the money trail and watch PNAC fade away.
15W.C. They are magic underpants. Or at least Steve-o certainly thinks so.
Stockman once had a girlfriend??? I believe the pills in the underpants attempt, but for this guy to actually have had a girlfriend???? Will wonders never cease!
16Not sure “girlfriend” is accurate, maggie. It’s more believable that Stockyard Steve took advantage of a desperate woman and she returned the “favor,” by loading up his panties felony style.
Electable? Come to Jesus, all you thug electing Xtians. Remember those family values you love to tout? Work with me and think about how you can vote for this gohmert, while pretending to be bastions of moral authority to your children.
Color me stupid, but I don’t recall hypocrisy as an attribute in any of the translations of your Bible.
17After Laughing Out Loud with yet another unbelievable story about them repubs, I honestly don’t know what to say, except, that for a much needed laugh JJ! I am still chuckling…
18Sorry, meant to type “THANKS for a much needed laugh…”
19On drugs in underwear. Ahem. In my years as a rural paramedic, I had occasion to discover how males hide drugs in their undies. (If you’re cutting open someone’s jeans to find the source of blood so you can stop the bleeding, you are confronted with underwear.) Apparently, some years back when I was still doing this, it was common for guys wearing tight briefs to tuck little packets of this and that into them. All the men we found with drugs in their undies were young, lean, and wearing tight briefs. Men’s briefs (anyone who’s beginning to feel faint can skip until a ** appears) have a frontal opening for the usual purposes. That’s created with an overlap, forming a sort of pocket, although it’s not closed. That was hiding place #1. Drugs hidden there typically fell out when we cut the jeans off. It is also possible to fold down the elastic waistband to provide a more secure pocket with the elastic now closing the lower boundary. That was hiding place #2, found when cutting the elastic waistband when necessary, or in the hospital ER when we hadn’t cut it.
The finding of drugs in an accident victim’s undies always made the highway patrol laugh. Sometimes it made other men on the scene laugh, but personally I thought it was kind of sad, so I didn’t laugh. Not only had this poor guy been in a wreck, with serious injuries, but now he was going down on a drug charge.
Anyway, I can say that yes, it is quite possible for a male to have drugs in his underwear without them falling out until someone with bandage scissors comes along and starts cutting his clothes off. (And since young guys are always adjusting their “junk” they can easily push back uphill anything that slips too far downhill with what looks like a casual junk adjustment.) (And if you think this means I spent too much time in the company of young drunk or otherwise chemically impaired young men on the sides of roads and bar parking lots…maybe. But some of them lived because of our team.)
20Sorry–I forgot to put in the **. But maybe my inner censor was telling me there was no safe place to put it.
21I can see repubs storing a copy of the Constitution in their underwear. That’s how they become comfortable using it as toilet paper.
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