Juanita enjoys watching Republicans.  “I enjoy watching people so filled with outrage over every darn thing that they have to make appointments to find time to pray in public,” she begins.

She thinks she might enjoy voting the GOP primary this year because they have propositions on their ballot.  She is flat out shocked, shocked I tell you, that some Republican woman hasn’t pitched a fit about the use of the word “proposition” what with it being kinda sexual and all, and made them change it to “Things That Make Barack Obama Unhappy.”

You can see a sample GOP primary ballot by clicking here.  It’ll open in the pdf thingy.

They have 5 propositions.

The first one is that you have to have a picture ID to vote.  That wouldn’t be dripping with irony except that your two affirmative choices for your vote are YES and SI.  “I hope they don’t mean a driver’s license because I don’t look a thing like the picture on my driver’s license.  I just have to take the Texas Department of Transportation’s word on it that I looked like that,” Juanita frets.

“The second one is that all – and they do mean all – government spending is limited to a formula that it takes Chinese algebra to figure out.  It says that you can arrive at a number by adding inflation and population growth and dammit you can’t spend more than that.  Not even if there’s a war, which is kinda how we got here in the first place,” she rolls her eyes.  “Yeah, find something that doesn’t work, boys, and then just keep on doing it!”

“The third one is about cutting income tax,” she grins.  “You’re stingy.  We get it.”

“Then after all that stingy and mean in the first three, they decided to hurry up and say something about God.  I do not think God appreciates this as much as Republicans suspect,” Juanita affirms.  “They say we should have public acknowledgment of God and the ten commandments.  I swear they do this to hide being stingy and mean.  Our local Republicans have their Christmas party at a damn bank.  That’s just kinda weird to me.  It kinda shows who you’re worshiping.”

“And, finally,” she smiles, “the last one is sliding in on the God high.  They want to force women to have sonograms prior to abortions.  They want the government out of their wallet and into my womb.”

“To tell you the truth,” she says as she puts the finishing hair spray on Betty’s hair, “just knowing there are people out there who think those issues are the most important things in the world amused me to such an extent that it literally improves my spiritual net worth.”