Yeah, Who Begat Hezekiah?
If you were to sit down and make a list of anyplace you’d be willing to go, I’ll bet my best pair of pink boots that the South Carolina Tea Party Convention in Myrtle Beach would be last place. Yeah, even below Charades Night at Dick Cheney’s House.
But, you missed a treat. Louie Gohmert spoke at the South Carolina Tea Party Convention in Myrtle Beach. He got himself filled with the Holy Spirit and went on a tour of Exodus, Chronicles, Isaiah, and Leviticus through all the begets and stonings, to arrive at praise deemed high enough for Benjamin Netanyahu.
Louie believes Netanyahu will be as prized as King Soloman and King David, who, you know, kinda wrote the book on this kinging stuff.
And Louie was so damn eloquent about it …
“I told [Netanyahu], and some people think this is crazy and meddling — apparently from the reaction some of y’all actually know who I am — but I told the prime minister, I said, ‘I mentioned this to you in 2009′ — we met a couple of times since then, but anyway — ‘I mentioned this to you in 2009 and I want to reiterate it, I think, I’m not a prophet, I know the Old Testament, I know history, I think you’ve got a chance to be one of Israel’s great leaders.’”
“I said, ‘I am talking about all time. The big ones. Going back to David, to Solomon, up through Josiah, Hezekiah until the end, on up through Ben Gurion …”
As a side note, Louie does know that King David had 8 consorts, right? I mean, there goes that whole sanctity of marriage thing right there.
I am certain that Netanyahu was high flattered to be called so lofty by a crazy old man from the Green Acres Baptist Church in Tyler, Texas, who can’t hardly talk English, which is kinda sad since English is the only language he speaks.
Louie Gohmert doesn’t speak English, he speaks some obscure variation of American (which is some obscure dialect of English) which is only spoken in an obscure section of Texas.
1Didn’t David have one of his generals killed so that he could sleep with his wife?
2That’s a great moral value there.
Ahaz begat Hezekiah.
3Bibi has to deal with some really bad ass types where he lives so I am sure that he is able to brush off whatever Louie the Tongue Tangled said and thinks.
4I agree with TalG. Netanyahu likely speaks a variety of English originating in the UK. Louie Lou Eye speaks his BS in the dialect of the prevailing white trash class of east Texas.
5Gohmert claims to know the old testament, but how much of it does he follow? The bible-beaters are always pointing to Leviticus for their condemnation of homosexuality, but how about the rest? Does he eschew shellfish, or eat them? Does he wear mixed fibers (e.g. cotton and polyester), or wear linen shirts with wool trousers? His messy hair alone is enough to give one pause …
6http://hill-kleerup.org/blog/2012/06/13/76-things-banned-in-leviticus-and-their-penalties.html
I had to rush to Urban Dictionary and look up “gohmert”. What fame– just like Rick Santorum!
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gohmert
And there are two other related definitions:
2. noun: person who acts like an uneducated, proudly ignorant, loudly stupid blowhard, esp. when espousing right-wing lunacy or voting for the eponymous Louie Gohmert, Republican Congressman from Texas
3. Any stupid, foolish or obtuse public official. Origin: Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX), one of the stupidest individuals ever to set foot in the U.S. Capitol an elected representative.
“The Congressman gohmerted for 5 minutes when called upon by Anderson Cooper to provide evidence that terror babies are being sneaked across the border.”
“Congressman ________ was being a total gohmert when he voted against aid to victims of Hurricane __________.”
7Well, hey, King David had nothing on SOLOMON who had not only a wife or three but about 500 or 600 concubines. I’ll let you look that up. My daddy used to joke about imagine going into the bathroom and fighting off the 600 pairs of nylons hung up to dry. That was before pantyhose. If you’re a cartoonist, feel free to use that for an inspiration. Attack stockings!
I am proud that we managed to get Gohmert into the Urban Dictionary. If I died today I’d die happy knowing that we worked hard to get that done. Juanita Jean, when did you say the first edition of this document is rolling off the press?
8” And if a stranger dwells with you in your land, you shall not mistreat him. 34 The stranger who dwells among you shall be to you as one born among you, and you shall love him as yourself; for you were strangers in the land of Egypt” (Lev. 19:33-34)
Does Louie know that this is in the Bible? I think this means that undocumented residents should be able to vote and Kenyans DO qualify to be President.
9oy vey ist mir
10Benjamin Netanyahu to Putin: “quit whining about the gays and lesbians Obama is sending you. He sent me Bachmann, King and Gohmert.”
* Note of disclosure. President Obama did not send the three stooges. They took up the trip all on their own deluded sense of gohmert grandiosity.
11Yes, King David sent Bathsheba’s hubby, Uriah, off to war to be killed so he wouldn’t discover wifey-poo was preggers with David’s baby. David definitely took liberties, but he always called on and came to the Lord when things got too hot to handle for his philandering ways! LOL And, the good Lord always forgave him because David always loved the Lord.
Wonder how He will be treating ole Louie … a lot can be forgiven and I’m sure pure stupidity can be at some point, but it might take an eternity!!
12Does he know David had Uriah the Hittie killed so he could marry the widow (who was already pregnant by David)?
13“Render unto Caesar ….” Marcia in CO. Since stupidity isn’t a felony under man’s law, God might have reserved that one for Himself and planned something special for Loopy Louie.
Can “hear” old Beelzebub defending Jesus and explaining to Loopy that He did NOT say that you silly gohmert.
When Loopy Louie invokes Christ’s name, it’s enough to make this atheist weep.
14Bachman, King and Gohmert…like the three kings following the star. Pity they didn’t get lost in the desert. They are a national embarrassment and throwing biblical quotes around out of context and misinterpreted just deepens the $hit.
15For a guy who is obsessed about everyone else’s love life, it is surprising that Gohmert is not aware of Bibi’s 3 marriages and multiple affairs including (1) an affair with future 2nd wife while his 1st wife was pregnant (2) an affair he had to admit on national TV because there was a video involved (3) at least two affairs with foreign nationals.
16I live near GABC In Tyler. Ya gotta be careful getting out in the neighborhood when Six Flags Over Jesus lets out. I do wish I could pull out in front of the “Big L.G.”….That might be fun. Shut up, Louie!
17@ Anna, I’ve read that Bibi isn’t even very well liked in Israel and Wifey No. 3 keeps a tight lease on him.
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