Yeah, But They’re Really, Really Old Winkies
Prepare yourself.
Jan 13 (Reuters) – Penis pumps cost the U.S. government’s Medicare program $172 million between 2006 and 2011, about twice as much as the consumer would have paid at the retail level, according to a government watchdog’s report released on Monday.
I don’t know about you but if they offered me the job of Penis Pump Government Watchdog, I would turn it down.
Your average telephone pole
Where does one go buy a retail penis pump? I’m just asking for a friend.
And here’s something else you didn’t want to know.
The report by the inspector general for the Department of Health and Human Services said Medicare, the government health insurance system for seniors, paid nearly 474,000 claims for vacuum erection systems.
There are half a million old men walking around with penis pumps.
Thelma says she would be totally willing to walk around nursing homes in her skin tight leopard print faux leather pants and totally eliminate this need. Being that Thelma wears a size 20 short, we’d need someone to clear a path first and that might cost just as much as a pump. I dunno. But, it might be worth putting pencil to paper.
Thanks to Carl of the tundra for the heads up.
Laughing out loud. Would Thelma walk around nekkid for that kind of money?
1Years ago I used to buy prescriptions for my Mom from Canada. Then the Bush Medicare prescription plan kicked in. The government paid literally 3 times what I’d been paying for the same medications. That meant my Mom’s coverage maxed out after 9 months and I went back to buying from Canada for October-December. It’s an incredible rip-off designed not to help seniors but to guarantee bloated profits for Big Pharma.
2I have a cheap and easy solution for this, but it would get me arrested.
3My beloved gets catalogs, and frankly, if it keeps the USPS ticking I have no problem with that. We recycle all of them. Recently, as I ripped the address page from ‘Dr. Leonards Healthcare Catalog’, I was surprised by the contents. In a banal catalog featuring energy balance bracelets and adjustable glasses on the front pages there were devices for women’s as well as men’s sexual health in the rear of the catalog. Including penis pumps. So there’s your answer, retail arrives in the mail.
4Is that one “vacuum erection system” to the customer or do they have a short shelf life. Is there a clothing allowance for baggy tweeds?
5We can pay for penis pumps with taxpayer money – but contraception is off the table? Hmmm
6It’s not the initial cost that gets ya, it’s the cleaning.
And the ER visits for overinflation.
But I want to party with Elizabeth!
7Still laughing. Cheryl, you wanna make yourself famous for campaigning for EQUAL RIGHTS FOR CONTRACEPTION VS. PENIS PUMPS?
8I say let’s deny viagra and penis pumps for men until women everywhere get contraceptive care and abortion rights. Those old farts will crumble.
9Brings to mind a song by Billy Edd Wheeler:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jQhxaTDfCU
10You have to wonder how much of our tax dollars they are pumping into those scoot about things for old farts as well. I swear if they would deny those to most of the “handicapped” olds who apply for them, maybe the older obesity problem would up and disappear.
11As a single, older, out and about, woman, I’m thinking this is all good news!
12Wouldn’t it be great if everyone who bought one or more of those pumps found out that their names were going to be released under a FOIA?
13Years ago, I did some writing about products liability law. Among the products I wrote about were medical devices, and among the devices were inflatable penile prostheses. Leaving aside the question whether you really want to sue somebody bad enough to admit that you have such a device, I was always curious about the method of inflation. It could work on the same principle as the old Mae West jacket – you pull the tab and it goes TSSHHHHHHT! and expands abruptly, which would be startling to the observer and probably uncomfortable to the user. Or maybe it works like a balloon, which gives a whole new meaning to the term “blow job.” Or maybe you just use a bicycle pump. Any information on the point would be welcome.
14– Elizabeth2 (used to be Elizabeth, but there seem to be two of us now)
Elizabeth 2: I remember seeing a TV show once where a character got one of those and it inflated via a device similar to a blood pressure cuff – that little rubber squeezy hand pump. The character was behind a curtain trying it out and commenting along the way to someone on this side of the curtain, when all of a sudden BOOM! He had popped a paper bag as a joke. I want to say it was St Elsewhere, but I’m not certain.
Your one suggestion reminde me of how Otto Pilot got reinflated in the movie Airplane.
15I understand they have an “extra small” model (comes with tweezers and magnifier) for NRA members.
16mb, I see your song and raise you Cheryl Wheeler singing “Nobody Beats My BOB”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3oUZZ2oe_wc
Mama, don’t click on that. BOB stands for Battery Operated Boyfriend. And if that’s not enough, we have her other song, “Viagra in the Water”. Mama, don’t click on that either. There are no dirty words, but she leaves a lot up to the mind of the listener, and we all know how we are.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84-g3kuJ2cE
17Cheryl @ 6: My question exactly. We can saddle women to a lifetime with children they are not emotionally, financially, educationally, or physically ready to bear and raise, but we have to protect men from horrors of erectile dysfunction? Where are my smelling salts?
18This has to be one of the most entertaining sites online, at least the kind I don’t mind telling folks I read.
19Of course, the idea that standardizing prices leading to cost cuts is the idea behind ACA and Romneycare is just beyond the pale.
Do these things break after one use, or is every MIA senior citizen on Govt. health already? Or is this like the $19 muffin that was short hand for an entire course of stuff under one label?
20JJ, really, who does the guvmint pay to tweak this sort of data from a print-out? I mean, really? They pay money for this? Interested people want to know!
21@Maggie: I have a resume ready to send!
22Dear Marge, this site and the humor flung about with such wanton abandon keeps me SANE!! <D
23At a certain age, if it don’t work, don’t fix it.
24Just be glad if you can still walk, talk, spit and chew.
Someone wrote on the internet that this country spends more on breast enlargements and erectile dysfunction than it does on Alzheimers. He envisioned a time in the future with alot of old people walking around with huge breasts and turgid, uh, members and no idea what to do with them.
25As a past middle age guy,may I say something?
26They should try spray starch. It’s cheaper.
27Another argument for either single-payer (and bulk buying of medical supplies) or bringing in Cuban doctors. There are good medical reasons for penis pumps, and the Cubans figured out how to produce them much, much cheaper., usually for diabetics.
28e platypus onion says: “As a past middle age guy,may I say something?”
Speak, Obi-Wan Kenobi, we younger guys are all ears on how to survive our later years.
Richard south of the border says: “single-payer.” Way to go, dude. Basic health care for all, and the insurance companies won’t go out of business selling policies to dudes like Dick Cheney. How Kool would it be, if Dick paid for his special treatment, instead of his freebies at taxpayer expense?
29Ever think about the dangers of an older man falling after he used the pump? They’d have to pay for the little splint and the sling that went around the shoulder not to mention the expense of rehab.
30@JAK I am STILL laughing! Thanks for sharing! <D
31Half a million? Now, that’s just sad.
32Still laughing ! This is good ! Especially the suggestion that penile pumps and Viagra should be denied until women get free contraception, have abortion rights restored , and we, f-i-n-a-l-l-y ! get single payer health insurance that covers medical, dental, vision, mental health, et al just like those other countries that the Repubs love to hate. I added to the suggestion, that’s true, but we do need it all and the “old farts” can wait.
33Mama may get mad at me fo divulging this deeply held secret. I take one half a viagra each day! This keeps the toes of my shoes dry.
34