Fun With Knives: We’re Real Glad They Didn’t Have Guns Edition
Des Moines, Iowa. Two brothers, both in their 50’s, get into a fight over peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. It quickly escalated into a serious situation.
The victim told police that his brother, Jerome Davis, “made three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and ate them in the living room. Within the next hour, the suspect made another three of these peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, bringing his total consumption of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to six. This angered the victim…”
Now, my Momma taught me some important things. The main one is that you should never pick a fight with someone who is in the kitchen. There are weapons in the kitchen, not even counting the damage you could do with a MixMaster.
So Jerome, dangerous hyped up on six peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, decided he had just about enough of his brother making fun of his eating habits. Words like “lazy” and “eating again” started getting tossed around. Them’s fightin’ words.
Davis then pulled out a folding knife and held it to the face of his brother, threatening to cut him, according to the report.
When police arrived, they took two folding knives from Davis, who told police he had made the threats against his brother because he wouldn’t “shut the (expletive) up and mind his own business.”
And that’s how Jerome Davis ended up in the Polk County Jail charged with domestic violence. I like to think his brother is at home finishing off the peanut butter. No mention in the police report if it was smooth or crunchy. I’m betting crunchy.
Thanks to Monty for the heads up.
The boy needs counseling. That’s at least $10 a day PBJ habit. Unless they shop sales with coupons. Just sayin’
1to me, the report mentioning the entire phrase “peanut butter and jelly sandwiches” over and over made me laugh out loud! the rest, not so funny…….
2This is another bit of evidence to support my hypothesis that all chemistry texts are wrong when they teach that hydrogen is the most common thing in the universe.
3It’s quite obvious that the most abundant thing in the universe is stupidity…
I know there is no mention of this, but it just seems likely that those PB&J’s were being washed down with something alcoholic. Not many documented cases of PB&J inspired assaults, but the added liquid courage may have done the trick.
4It’s cold in the Midwest right now. Cabin fever has clearly set in on some of the inhabitants. Too bad what happens in the cabin doesn’t always stay in the cabin.
5I’m happy their disagreement was about an important national issue.
6Nothing says brotherly love quite like throwing down after the last Ding Dong in the box.
7For the record, I go with crunchy, and I don’t own even one folding knife.
8what do you expect from a town named after the French for crying out loud?
9“No mention in the police report if it was smooth or crunchy. I’m betting crunchy.”
I’m betting rancid.
10When reading this story it occurred to me to wonder what might have been in the jelly, and also to ask whether there should be a verse about it in “The Song of the Temperance Union.” It turns out that someone has already written one.
http://sniff.numachi.com/pages/tiAWAYRUM5;ttAWAYRUM3.html
11J.J
12Could you be persuaded to compile all of the Fun With Guns stories into a book? I bet it would sell. And every year or so you could come out with a new book.
The meth is strong in Des Moines.
13If the dude in the picture sticks that bottom lip out any further, a bird will either perch on it or poop on it. I’d think you’d have to be having a marijuana snack attack in order to eat 6 … SIX … PB&J sandwiches in a couple hour’s time!! Maybe Ralph Wiggam is right and it’s the meth and not the mj.
14@Ralph Wiggam:
I’ve never been to Iowa, but a meth industry there wouldn’t surprise me at all.
That said a Texas raised friend in Cedar Falls tole me Cannabis sativa grows so ubiquitously and so abundantly thereabouts the locals refer to it as “Iowa ditch weed”.
15I’m betting smooth. Those types usually don’t have many teeth.
16With that kind of PB&J habit, I hope he shops at Costco.
17….and such a handsome boy, too.
18Ya think he’s going for the Duck Dynasty look?
19I hear that ditch weed is as good as smoking a rope.
20Shucks, this situation reminds me of that wigged out on sugar defense in a murder in California, the one where the mayor was shot by a firefighter. Damn! Now sugar is probably going to get itself identified as a dangerous substance just like meth and reefers! Well, when that happens we can just roll up the 21st century and tuck it away somewheres!
21This kind of “smells” like all they had in the house was the makings for PB&Js. Bro 1 starts to polish off the reserves, Bro 2 complains about having to trudge across the tundra, and jackknife to the nose you’re in jail. I hope there was no alcohol involved because PB&J and beer? Ewwwww!
22@Maggie … you must be referring to the “Twinkie Defense” … was that the defense in the Harvey Milk case? I think it was … I was in CA at the time but some stuff I choose to forget rather then remember!
23Dang, if Jerome had been armed with a gun he could have shot his brother and used the Stand Your Ground law and said he feared for his life without PB&J.
24@Marcia in CO: Like Tallahassee in the unappreciated movie classic Zombieland, I might kill for a Twinkie,
And the most popular defense in Texas is the “some other dude” defense. “It was some other dude, mannnnnnn.”
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