If You Need Something to Read Today …
The reviews of Sarah Palin’s new book about the War on Christmas are in and they are entertaining.
And Paul Crouch, my favorite gospel grinder died yesterday. Crouch had been partners with Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swagwart but somehow managed never to get caught … if you don’t count the $425,000 in pay-off money to an employee who claimed a homosexual relationship with him.
I admit to a fascination with the Crouches. I watched them once a month or so like you watch a Vegas show.
The center of Trinity’s lineup has long been the nightly talk show “Praise the Lord.” Hosted by the silver-haired Crouch and his flamboyantly coiffed wife, it emanates from an Orange County studio decorated with stained-glass windows, gilded imitation antiques and plush pews for the audience.
The extravagance carried over to Crouch’s personal life, provoking criticism from watchdog groups as well as members of his family. He and his wife had access to TBN’s multimillion-dollar private jets and more than two dozen ministry-owned homes, including his-and-her mansions in Newport Beach, a mountain retreat near Lake Arrowhead and a ranch in Texas.
So after living high on the hog by taking money from poor people in the name of Sweet Jesus, Crouch stands before his maker today and tries to say why he really, really, needed seven houses and a gold plated chair to preach from. You know, like Jesus had.
Sales for this book have been weak. http://freakoutnation.com/2013/11/30/sarah-palin-losing-the-war-on-christmas-book-flops-on-black-friday/
1Paul Crouch and Sarah Palin—-grifters on so many different levels. . . . .Of course Paul shall grift no more and Sarah, sadly, can do nothing else in this life.
2That wizzing sound you heard was Paul Crouch on his way down the “down escalator” at the speed of sound…
3“Eye of a Needle” comes to mind…
Oh, when I first saw that photo of the preacher and his wife, I thought this was going to be a parody. How can anyone leave the house looking like that? Hmm. It has story possibilities. A plain, dowdy woman leaves the house, goes to studio. Two hours later she emerges from dressing room and is totally unrecognizable….bless her heart.
4That lady with the cotton candy hair.
5My guess is these charlatans don’t really believe at all – it’s just a con game – and it works.
6hahahahahahaha
“Palintology, the study of a fossilized brain in the head of a deluded opportunist…”
7I have had a strange fascination with the Crouch’s for decades myself, so can totally relate, JJ. Sometime after I left my evangelical-baptist phase, I finally had a tv (those were some slim years, in my 20s) and came across Jan and Paul on late night tv.
Wow.
They were really indescribable. There are no words too over-the-top, because they were UNBELIEVABLY over the top. If you’ve ever watched them, you know that, whatever evils Jan may harbor in her little heart, the mascara is running down her face in rivers right now. Never a fan of the couple (amazed, fascinated, mesmerized, but not a fan) but I have to admit, I feel a some sympathy for Mrs. Crouch – they were a pair, and she’s lost her… other half.
8In certain circles, false piety sells like nobody’s business. Take the conservative circle of hell, for instance. There, one might find throngs of rwnj’s eagerly lapping up the guano that passes for Palinspeak, whining about what we liberals are doing to ruin Christmas. Of course profiting from the “book” about it has nothing to do with crass commercialism.
9Hey, crazy people have to pay their bills too. Let’s have a little respect for them. A little. Don’t get carried away.
10Cheryl–I agree. I think they saw the line about not worshiping god and money and went for money; god’s just their foil.
11I only wish we could record that meeting at the Pearly Gates.
Crouch: Hi! I’m Paul Crouch.
St Peter: THE Paul Crouch?
Crouch: Yep, the one and only! You’ve been expecting me.
St Peter: Oh yes, sir, we have. The Big Guy Himself wants to meet you personally. Just a minute. Be right back.
Jesus: Hi Paul, Welcome to my home. How was your trip?
Crouch: Not too bad. A little uncomfortable, but nothing I can’t handle.
Jesus: That good. We wouldn’t want you to have a painful final breath.
Crouch: Appreciate that, Lord. So, ah, where’s my mansion? Or do I get a castle here?
Jesus: We’ll, get to that in a minute. But first, we have something to talk about. Ya know all that stuff you accumulated on Earth?
Crouch: Yea, I had some sweet stuff down there. A TV station, homes, cars, jewels, boys…. er, I mean, jets. I especially loved my private jets. The pilots let me play fighter pilot sometimes, hahahah. Just call me Maverick! Hahaha!
Jesus: Glad you had fun. But, Paul, it’s time for for a Come To Me moment here.
Crouch: Huh?
Jesus: Yes Paul, it’s time for you to know the truth about your life.
Crouch: Aw, shucks, I knew you’d reward me for selling you out to the masses! Er, I mean, I got your name out there as you wanted.
Jesus: Well, you’ll get something, all right.
Crouch: Oooh, I knew it. What is is, Lord?
Jesus: Here it is….
(BOOOOOOM! CRASH! BANG)
Crouch: Jesus? What was that? Jesus? Where am I?
Jesus: Gotcha!
Crouch: HUH? What the…? Why am I licking my tail? And why do I have a tail? And paws… and arrgggghhhh! I’m a cat! A freekin’ cat! WTF?
Jan Crouch: Come here my sweet new adopted kitty cat, we’re taking the jet to Paris today. I thought I’d never get rid of that little man. But, I’m free to spend all his ill gotten gains. And you get to enjoy it too!
Jesus: Hahahaha! I love a good practical joke every now and then. Ya’d think these guys would have figured it all out by now. It’s not what was written but how you lived.
Paul Crouch: Hssssssss……
Jan Crouch: OK, get you’re little butt into that crate. Paris is beautiful this time of year.
12@Lorraine … love your scenario of the “what if …” but you do a great disservice to cats!
13Every once in a while when skimming channels, I would land on TBN and there would be Jan with her pink, cotton candy hair and God-awful phony eyelashes and I would think … “What an embarrassment you are!” And change the channel.
And that gold chair bit him in the ass. That’s really how this particular fairy tale should end.
14I remember watching that awesomely unforgettable pair …
15er …from SoCarolina… er … Bakker something.
I even went to their clip joint in SC. My Mom and G’ma were really into these two. It was a nice place filled with well dressed highly delusional people.
They could only con people who profess to be Christians and never, ever read a word that Jesus says in the Bible. What ever happened to red-letter editions?
And what IS that thing on her head? She looks in the mirror every morning and says, “Yeah, that’s the look I want; I’m gonna go outside with that”? Really? When her hair is styled, is she in the room at the time? I can respect Dolly Parton when she says, “You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap,” but this is way too much.
16Nothing to say about Paul Crouch (well, nothing good, anyway), except the mention that I’ve never understood televangelists’ fixation with their damned hair.
17The main problem with xtian con men is the full blown delusion of xtians that other xtian will not lie or cheat them,,,cuz,,, JESUS!!! Every preacher has shown this to be wrong, and the evangelicals are just VERY good at it. So the evangelical conman is marginally more wrong then their victim only because they are actively trying to get the money, where the victim is delusional in giving them the money.
18NO con man has ever succeeded in getting money from someone who thinks and asks for evidence and proof.
So both the conman and his victim are both guilty.
So a conman is dead, just as there are suckers born every minute there are conmen born just as often.
Best rip-off there is.
People send you tax free money.
All you have to do is declare yourself a religion, or a church.
But…… good grief….. about that hair.
19Had a great time reading the amazon reviews. I know the Crouched are irresistible but for a really good time, click on that link about reviews. There are some gems!
20I bow to Lorraine in Spring, even though it is doing a creditible imitation of winter out there. I hope Jan catches an episode of The Price is Right and remembers to neuter her new pet.
I also bow to all the people on Amazon who wrote those reviews. Satire is a live and well in America.
21@daChipster
Sir, I am no you, but you sure inspire my fantasies!
(um, not *that* kind, teehee)
22IF you think the pink hair and gilded ugly stagecrap on TBN is gaudy – you CANNOT IMAGINE the hideously gold-gilded, purple-velveted weird “store” TBN built on Conway Twitty’s property in Hendersonville, TN right outside Nashville. Think of her hair and eyelashes multiplied X 1000 Shades of Gaudiness and downright TACKY.
PS – they stole the property right out from under Conway Twitty’s heirs – it was quite the scandal around here for a bit.
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