I’ve been married to Ole Bubba for 43 years next month.  He will not put his hand in my purse.  Ever.  My purse scares him.

If I say, “Honey, grab my wallet out of my purse,” he will bring me my purse, holding it at arm’s length, and hand it to me.

He says that he’s almost certain that that once early in our marriage he found human body parts, a fishing rod and bait, and the code for nuclear detonation in my purse and he’s not going back.

The reason I’m telling you this is that the Texas Department of Public Safety, already under roars for laughter for confiscating dangerous feminine hygiene products, is claiming that women tried to sneak in bottles of feces to the Senate gallery during the women’s rights debate.

Now, while no one has be able to find any DPS officers, reporters, or eyewitnesses who actually saw this,  DPS chief Steve McCraw says we need to accept his word that it happened.

State Rep. Donna Howard, D-Austin, has questioned the statement since DPS initially released it Friday. Howard sent a letter to McCraw on Monday, asking, among other things, why there was no evidence to back up reports that such items were found or seized.

McCraw wrote that “the department never took possession of these items and had no justification to do so. The possession of these and other items is not a crime, and therefore, there was no basis to arrest and detain visitors who possessed such items; however, they were denied access unless they discarded the items.”

So, it’s legal to carry around bottled feces in Texas, which comes as a great relief to Republican legislators – who have been carrying around pails of it for their corporate overlords and religious zealots for decades.

And there’s more purse secrets:

McCraw added to the list of items that were confiscated and discarded by police including “paint, confetti, glitter, bottles of bubbles, bags of balloons (not inflated), handheld air horns, a bag full of tomatoes” and two bricks, which were being used to prop doors open and were not going to be used as projectiles, he said.

And there’s something unusual about that?  I’ve been to the grocery store with all that in my purse, plus a small fan, an extra pair of shoes and a chargers to three electronic devices I no longer own.

This is Texas, Bub.  I know women who carry tool boxes in their purses.  Big ‘uns.