Well, Hell, Now HERE’s How to Win
Damn, why didn’t I think of that!
Forget everything I wrote below. THIS is how you win. You get the endorsement of Jesus Christ when running for mayor.
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And she has the whole prove-me-wrong thing down to an art form.
Pierre, a registered nurse and 90s Creole-language pop star, said she prayed leading up to registering for her candidacy and received three signs that Jesus was her endorser.
“And what were those three things?,” asked Local 10’s Janine Stanwood.
“Well, I’m going to keep them private,” Pierre said.
Let’s see, there was (1) the likeness of Jesus on my toast, (2) I heard voices in my head, and … uh, (3) I’m not Rick Perry.
This race makes me want to move to North Miami.
The North Miami mayoral race has been full of shenanigans.
Last week, candidate Jean Marcellus was punched in the face inside his own campaign headquarters by an acquaintance. Candidate and former mayor Kevin Burns said he’s filed five police reports for stolen signs. Pierre said last month she was the target of voodoo spells.
And you thought Texas politics was fun.
Thanks again to Carl, who is keeping an eye on Florida for us.
Anna Pierre, honey, let me give you a clue. Jesus Christ himself wouldn’t endorse any US politician for any reason whatsoever, especially those claiming to be Christians. Since none of them do the work of Jesus (feeding the poor, healing the sick, caring for those less off than the rest of us) he’d disown the entire lot.
Curse them? Why bother? They’re already cursed by being politicians to begin with.
1Anna Pierre, dear, when you fart, it is not Jesus Christ telling you it’s fine to be an anal retentive.
2That is so funny & scary all at the same time!
3And yet she is probably not the worst of the candidates.
Miama is Texas on hormones.
4Anna Pierre, RN, fine upstanding Christian that she must be for Jesus Christ Hisownself to endorse her, is worried about being the target of voodoo spells?? Really??
5That puts a lot of pressure on Jesus to pull out a win.
He will have egg on his face if his candidate comes in fourth.
6Stolen political signs. Has Vannerson moved to Florida?
7And the best recommendation I ever got was from a crumby college professor. This kind of puts me in the shade.
8Some other signs that Anna Pierre is endorsed by the Son O’ God:
1. She bought a taco from a tacqueria-on-wheels with an image of J.C. burned into the tortilla. And who sold her the divine taco? A guy named Jesus, of course.
2. That morning, someone walked past her on the street humming the Jethro Tull song “Aqualung”. And who does the guy on the album cover resemble?
3. She was giving one of her patients at the hospital a shot, and when she jabbed him with the needle he yelled “JEEZUS!”
4. Rick Santorum appeared to her in a dream wearing a lavender sportscoat, saying gently, “Anna, just like He personally endorsed me, He personally endorses you”
9Tonight, on Hardball
Chris Matthews: And today, we have a great guest. Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Jesus, welcome to the program.
10Jesus: Thanks, Chris.
CM: Lord, this lady in Louisiana, this mayoral candidate, Anna Pierre, a great Cajun, great Creole name by the way, she’s claiming she has your endorsement. Is that true?
JC: Well, Chris, it is and it isn’t. I endorse everybody who asks me as a person, but not as a candidate.
CM: Well, that’s a mealy-mouthed way to… How can you… What does that mean?
JC: It means…
CM: How can you “endorse” someone as a person?
JC: Well, their faith actually…
CM: How about me, do you endorse me as a person?
JC: I don’t know, are you asking?
CM: I’m asking.
JC: Yes.
CM: I don’t feel any different.
JC: Well, Chris, that’s more of a you thing than a me thing.
CM: HA! So do you, did you endorse this Pierre, this Anna Pierre, down in North Miami, as a potential mayor?
JC: No, just as a child of God.
CM: I don’t know what that means. So where does she get the chutzpah to do this? How can she be thinking, be saying, that you’ve talked to her. Have you?
JC: All the time.
CM: So you HAVE talked to her.
JC: I talk to everyone.
CM: Yes, but to her specifically. You admit talking to her.
JC: Well, in a generic sense. But it’s not like…
CM: Did you tell her to run for mayor?
JC: It doesn’t work that…
CM: Did you discuss her political career?
JC: I can’t divulge….
CM: It’s a simple question, Lord. It’s a straightforward question.
JC: I knew I should have gone on Meet the Press. Look, Chris. Anyone claiming they’ve “talked” to me and I’ve told them exactly want they want to hear is either lying or crazy. It doesn’t work that way. Oh, sure, sometimes the Holy Ghost gets a little jokey, but he hasn’t pulled anything like this since he told Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum all to run for President at the same time.
CM: He TOLD them to run.
JC: Yes, as a JOKE. He certainly didn’t en…
CM: But aren’t YOU him?
JC: No, it’s not like th…
CM: Three Persons, One God… you are He and He is He and You are We…
JC: Yes, I am the Walrus.
CM: HA!
(laughter)
JC: Look, it’s not like a Bruce Wayne/Batman type of thing. I can’t explain it to you.
CM: I wish we had more time. You’ve been a great guest. You’re a smart guy. But I think I got you on that. And that’s why we call it Hardball. Next, we talk to Satan, I mean, Darrell Issa, to find out his connection, fixation or what have you with Benghazi.
Voodoo spells??? How can anyone calling themselves a Christian believe in that stuff enough to be afraid of it?
11My, my!
I’d like to see the list of medications, she is either being prescribed for by a physician, or obtaining through other means.
12Since this is in Florida, not Louisiana, I wonder if the Andre Pierre she’s trying to replace is a relative?
13Notice she’s endorsed by White Jesus. I think Brown Jesus has more juju in North Miami.
14daChipster, once again, you bring such lovely things to light through parody. You also show everything I dislike about most of the current talk show hosts. They asks questions and then don’t wait for an answer. Johnny Carson, bless him, actually LISTENED to his guests. You learn a lot that way. I caught a Letterman show where he was interviewing Johnny Depp and he interrupted 2-3 times for each answer Depp tried to give him.
JJ, Anna Pierre rec’d 3 signs, but doesn’t think they are worth sharing? I’m beginning to think the “toast” outline suggestions might be correct. Even if they aren’t, she has more gall than most to print an ad like this. Good luck to North Miami if she wins.
15When I was in Sunday School, they taught us not to take the name of the Lord in vain. This sounds to me like a perfect example of that.
16She’s also a registered nurse? Maybe Jesus knows something about her job performance at the hospital, and believes she’ll cause less harm as mayor.
17I called that 305 number but Jesus was not available.
18Also Jesus just lost his tax-exempt status by endorsing a candidate. Who is going to tell him he has to start paying taxes on all those tithes?
19You beat me to it, Diane. You mean she doesn’t offer a direct line to Jesus?
20Re Miami, if Jesus returned, wouldn’t he be an illegal immigrant?
And remember that it is distinctly possible that Anna Pierre might do less harm as mayor of Miami than as an RN. I wonder how many devils she’s cast out from her patients.
21DaChipster … I LOVE IT … LOL
22Wow, if the whistle pac hears about this you know what their next campaign strategy will be. Rodney and Dar are so far out of touch with reality that they have to be hearing voices.
23Oh my god. This candidate makes Dar and Rodney look almost sane. But hey If I was the target of voodoo spells I think I’d ask Jesus to watch my back too.
24Jesus endorses. Yeah, right. He has a PAC, too.
25“Shenanigans”! I’ll say, assault, theft and INSANITY! Perfect plaece for Michelle Bachmann to settle down.
26If she goes to church next week, maybe the pastor will marry her mom and dad.
27Ralph Wiggam, sadly, I wouldn’t worry about Jesus losing his tax-exempt status. Plenty of preachers have openly told their congregation how they should vote– usually that the GOP candidate was the anointed and that voting Dem was the straight road to hell– and their churches’ tax-exempt status is still solid as a [gross and offensive word omitted] rock.
28I’m from Florida. The politics there makes Texas’ look academic. Carl Hiaasen writes entire novels based on the weirdness there.
29Is that the local phone number for jesus?
30Maybe one can make reservations for ..uh….er…..well, maybe not. She’s about 51 cards short of a full deck!
Actually she did us a favor by telling us she is a tried and true xtian, and we should not vote for her..Not for being xtian but by being crazy…Bachmann crazy…
31Ralph Wiggam called it!
“Anna Pierre, a registered nurse who claimed she was being endorsed by Jesus Christ, finished last among the seven candidates with 56 votes, or just 0.83 percent.”
“Yes, Jesus endorsed me!” Pierre said during a stop at the Gwen Margolis Community Center Tuesday morning as the polls opened. “I’m not nuts, if I’m a freak and nuts for Jesus, let it be! Let the world know that Jesus is it and when you have Jesus on your side you can go on.”
Good Grief.
DaChipster- You’re a genius and I think I love you. Your brilliance entertains me to no end. Well done, Sir! I salute you and request your permission to share this wonderful piece, please?
http://www.nbcmiami.com/news/Anna-Pierre-North-Miami-Mayoral-Candidate-Claims-She-Was-Endorsed-by-Jesus-Christ-207341981.html
32Lorraine….share away and….
I love you back!
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