Nuke Watch!
Thelma and Verdelia are standing around the beauty salon with football helmets on waiting for North Korea to launch their missile which Verdelia is convinced is headed directly for wherever she’s at because she’s a rather large target.
And they are especially concerned since Dick Cheney has announced that he’s scared. We’ve told them that the only reason Cheney is scared is that he can’t figure out a way to make money off a war with North Korea unless he’s Vice President of North Korea and the electrical cord on his bionic heart doesn’t reach that far. Plus, we’ve heard that job is already taken by Kim Jong Unhung.
Last we heard over at CNN is that North Korea has the weapon in the full upright and locked position. That’s, indeed, a start.
I think they’re waiting for Dennis Rodman to come flip the switch. I dunno, but if this whole thing involves Dennis Rodman, a short guy named Kim, and Dick Cheney, it’s got viral internet fail written all over it.
Did they need Viagra to get it “in the full upright and locked position”?
1Please Mr. Former Vice President Dick Cheney, tell us more! We all want to know for instance, do the North Koreans use yellow cake uranium from Niger in their nuclear weapons? Or have you read any good Presidential Daily Briefings recently? Something to the effect of “Kim Jong Laden determined to attack US?”
2Now it can be told: Dennis Rodman was Donald Trump’s emissary to invite Kim Jong Un to take part in the next series of The Apprentice. Trump can’t get anyone who will invite Cheney to participate. Hey look … if Rodman and Gary Busey can do it, then anybody can – Kim Jong Un – Cheney – Cruz – Gohmert …
3Yo, Little Guy. Kim, Un, Il whatever your name is. Yea, you over there with your big boy toys. We get it. You can get it up. Congratulations. Now go back to your room until your ready to play well with others. Go on…. right now…. take your wife with you. Maybe she can keep you out of trouble for a while.
And just ignore Dick Cheney – there’s a reason why his heart died.
4That is the best epithet yet for Little Fat Kim! Thank you…thank you!
5The only way North Korea could get a warhead to Austin, Texas is to send it FedEx. Saber-rattling is just one of the methods tyrants use to keep their peons submissive. If you can convince the peons there’s an enemy, you can get them riled up. Otherwise, they start to question the tyrant’s authority.
6Dick Cheney really should know that because that’s the method he and his hand puppet used to get us into Iraq and Afghanistan.
Dick Cheney’s claiming to be scared for the same reason that North Korea is saber-rattling: it’s politically useful to keep their followers too scared to think straight.
I’ll avoid the Taepodong-2 jokes… and any nation whose propaganda machine was used by Rodger Ailes as a template for Fox News is a mite frightening, but the only real threat is a World War 1 – style escalation where China and the US get sucked into a confrontation. From the sounds of things, both the US and China are well aware of that danger.
I’d be more frightened if someone took Dick Cheney seriously – but then, that’s always frightening.
7This isn’t going to be funny.
8Kim-Jong un is doing this to establish his legitimate right to rule North Korea. Unlike his father who spent a couple of decades in preparation for his ascendancy to dictator in chief Kim-Jong un had just 2 years. These provocations are for a domestic audience to ensure that the Kim family retains control of North Korea. If they were to start a war they might have some early success but in the end they would loose and North Korea would be no more. Something Kim-Jong un is desperate to avoid.
Is Dick Cheney afraid Kim Jong Un has better aim than he does?
9Darth Cheney is and always has been a fear-monger. This is a terrible situation which can only get worse if the Evil Emperor has any say.
10We have learned our painful national lesson regarding his “advice”.
Keep him away from all microphones.
Hey Juanita. first time caller, full time listener (did I get that one right?) Call me crazy caused every one does, but did I just hear Rick Perry bragging that North Korea sure as heck better consider nuking Austin cause its an important city. So in case they were considering using those nucular weapons on a less important city than Austin, they best reconsider. I live in Austin and I’m all for promoting our fair city but I really wouldn’t have minded a bit if he had used one of his other famous quotes in this situation, “get on down the road”.
11This could get ugly for a lot of reasons, but as a war it would be underwhelming. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpBkc2jK-6w
12Good grief.
13You don’t see me joking, do you? Any time someone builds a huge tower and missile, I don’t care, we don’t need that going on anywhere. Kim can’t help it that he and his buddies are in little bodies.
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