Smokey Joe is Smokin’ Something
Joe “Smokey Joe” Barton, a Texas congressvarmint from outside of Dallas says that climate change is a God-thing and he has Biblical proof.
Smokey Joe got that name because he is pretty much owned by the petrochemical industry. If something ain’t polluting the air, Joe is losing money.
Joe says that you can have “an honest disagreement about the causes of climate change”. You know, like you can have an honest disagreement about gravity or what causes pregnancy or whether is the earth is flat. These, of course, are all things based not on knowledge or science; but on opinion. My opinion is the babies are delivered on a turnip truck and hidden in hospital nurseries until you come get one. And what’s your opinion?
See, this make science tests so much easier.
So, Smokey Joe says —
“I would point out that if you’re a believer in in the Bible, one would have to say the Great Flood is an example of climate change and that certainly wasn’t because mankind had overdeveloped hydrocarbon energy.”
And to think that there are people who call themselves Christians who seriously doubt the existence of Noah and think maybe this was an allegorical story.
Joe Barton, Republican Bible Stud
Additionally, remember God’s promise after the flood? “I establish my covenant with you: Never again will all life be cut off by the waters of a flood; never again will there be a flood to destroy the earth.”
So, unless stupidity is going to be the way God destroys the earth – which from the looks of things might in be very strong contention – Smokey Joe is gonna have a hard time blaming this one on God.
Personally, I think climate change is caused by the carbon put out by Republican brains going up in smoke.
That’s my opinion and it’s ever bit as solid as Joe’s opinion.
It’s a well known fact that global warming is the direct result of a scarcity of pirates.
1Sodom & Gomorrah was consumed by fire and brimstone. What would cause fire in the desert? Petrochemicals. A huge fire like that would need an overabundance of petrochemicals. So if you’re a believer in the Bible, you would have to at least consider that God was showing us what happens when you use too much gas and oil in one location. Your cities go up in flames. (probably edited out of the Bible in the 4th century when church fathers decided to blame other factors)
2Whatever Smokey is smokin’, it ain’t working. I know that from personal experience.
3According to the Bible, wasn’t the Flood caused by the evil ways of the humans at the time? Doesn’t this mean that the Bible says that human actions can cause massive destruction?
Wasn’t there something in the Bible about God using fire the next time the world need to be destroyed? These days, the fires seem to be from burning coal and oil for energy, of rain forests for agricultural purposes.
All in all, it sounds as though the smoke that Smokey Joe is so enthralled with may have more sulfur in it than one would expect if it was a gift from Heaven. Perhaps that guy from the nether regions, the one who uses greed and the other deadly sins as recruiting tools, is the one urging humans to ignore the warning signs.
4The best laugh of the day!
The man is certifiably stoopid.
5Research shows that when carbon dioxide reaches 4% levels, thinking becomes difficult and decisions become increasingly irrational. Smokey Joe definitely needs to get out of the smoke and into some fresh air, if he can find any.
6I’m telling my 10th grader to make up answers for his STAAR test in Chemistry and just note that Joe Barton told him that it was OK to have his own opinion on this “science stuff”. Think he’ll pass?
7Another idiot that needs to be replaced in 2014.
8The next time Smokey Joe is sick, his doctor must use only biblical remedies. And that would mean no Viagra either, Joe.
See? Using the Bible as a science book doesn’t work.
9“God gave Noah the rainbow sign,
No more water, the fire next time!”
Does it feel hot in here or is it just me?
10The caption under the picture should read:
11Joe Barton, American Taliban
Y’all done said it all except lots of ancient history accounts, not Biblical, include stories of a Great Flood. I agree: we are doing our part to burn up the earth, starting in west Texas. Personally I want to be able to teleport; think of all the pollution (air, not opinion) that could clean up. You know, ZAP! I’m in Abilene. Can I include guests on this?
12This was reported in 1996 and the whole story made perfect sense to me; i.e., before written language there was only oral history. Anybody who’s ever played “telephone” as a kid will recognize the flaws in that method. Thus, the whole fairy tale about Noah, which never made a lick of sense to me:
http://www.pbs.org/saf/1207/features/noah.htm
13The Bible claims that God caused the flood; Joe says it was climate change; Joe says the Bible is a lie. We all knew people like Barton, Perry, and Cruz claim they believe the Bible but live like it was a lie. This clears all that up.
14Anyone who would point to a two thousand year-old book of bad prose to refute scientific theory ought to be bitch-slapped back to school by a guy with a wet herring.
Unbelievable.
Wonder if he’s got a flat Earth globe in his office…
15Joe, honey, there’s a very good reason why you must withdraw from your meds sloooowwwwllllleeeee! Or you will come out looking like, as the Brits say, barking mad.
16I hang my head in shame when I think about him being my rep. ugh.
17Hey, Squatio. You mean a flat earth globe like this one:
http://makingmaps.net/2007/09/19/making-flat-earth-globes/
If Smokey Joe doesn’t have one, he certainly needs one. It would give his congressional office that certain je ne sais quoi (which I think is French for “looking like a real idiot”). He just needs to be careful when traveling across the equator on a petrochemical-funded junket that he doesn’t fall off the other side.
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