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Juanita was at Whole Foods yesterday and a magazine at the check out stand caught her eye —

“Garden and Gun.  Whoa, that just kinda made me stand there for a second with that feeling brought to you by the letters W,T, and F.”

“I blinked and looked at it again, hoping that my brain would synapse and I would come to some manner of deep union to the transcendental relationship of gardens and guns that the presentation of the cover teasingly hinted was somewhat ironic and minimally disturbing with the artistic juxtaposition of the jaggedly cut seeping juices and the calm flowing on the seminal hues of the sky and nurture with the ecclesiastical  …..  OH CRAP, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!”

“I dared to look a little closer and saw the entire title is “Garden and Gun: Soul of the New South.  Soul?  New?  When did this happen and why wasn’t I notified?  I think I’m in charge of these things.”

“Tell me something, is ‘The Secret South’ announced on the cover a place where we shoot things in our garden?  And how secret can it be if it’s on a magazine cover.”

“Apparently, this is a real magazine where they take themselves very seriously,” she reports after much investigation and a google search.

She started to buy it because she didn’t think anybody at the beauty salon would believe her, but that’s what camera phones are for.

“So, now you don’t have to stand there with total bumfuddlement at Whole Foods when you see this at the check out stand,” Juanita says, “because I’ve already done that for you.  It’s just another of the free friendly services we offer here.”