.

“I suspect that Barack Obama has been taken off BP’s Christmas card list,” Juanita laughs.

“I don’t have a problem with BP fulfilling its legal obligations,” Obama said. “What I don’t want to hear is when they’re spending that kind of money on their shareholders and spending that kind of money on TV advertising that they’re nickel and diming fishermen or small businesses here in the Gulf who are having a hard time.”

The President said that government officials were making sure that claims were processed correctly, and “that BP is not lawyering up, essentially, when it comes to these claims.”

“Lawyering up is exactly what they are planning to do.  That’s why they want all the lawsuits over this filed in Texas courts.  Texas, who is not getting any of this sludge on our beaches, is BP’s first choice for the lawsuits because Texas just dead solid perfect flat out kiss on the mouth loves big bidness.  Hell, Hon, we sacrifice one moderate judge a year to The Big Bidness Gods.  We have a big ceremony and everything.”

“My bet?  They will lawyer-up, a dozen guys will get obscenely rich, everyone else will get obscenely screwed, they will go out of business, and re-open a month later with a clean slate and a dirty record.  That’s my bet.”

Mississippi MENSA Meeting

“And, as icing on the cake, Republican Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour will pronounce that justice was done and Jesus loves you,” Juanita says.  “Because you cannot trust your lying eyes.”

Haley Barbour is one of Juanita’s least favorite people.  “He’s a creepy guy who you just know sits around in his underpants, eating Fritoes, and hollering at the teevee,” she suspects.  “I’d be willing to bet my best pair of pink boots on it.”