Duck!

January 23, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

Rick Perry’s first suggestion to stop gun violence at schools was to pray.  Obviously, either you didn’t pray or that didn’t work.  I know that because there was a gunfight at a college near Houston yesterday.  So, it’s either your fault or Rick Perry is an idiot.  I’m going with the idiot.

Two students, both carrying weapons, started shooting at each other.  An innocent bystander was hurt.  Okay, I have to be honest here and tell you that when I die I want to be real old, real sick, or doing something worth dying for.  I do not want “innocent bystander” anywhere in my obituary.  That’s looking increasingly  unlikely in Texas.

I was out of pocket last night, but I got text messages from friends telling me to turn on the teevee because the entire Texas Republican Party was strutting tail feathers and horse hockey in public by saying that the new solution to gun violence on college campuses is to arm everybody.

Increasingly, I am of the opinion that they all own stock in funeral homes.

Let’s say I’m sitting in American Lit 301 and a gunfight breaks out between the two guys on the back row and bullets are flying around like a pinball machine.  Help me here:  how am I supposed to know which one is the good guy and which one is the bad guy?  Are we going to require them to wear white or black hats?   Is one of them required to go Beep Beep like the roadrunner or say, “Luke, I am your father”?

So, I figure this is my one grand opportunity to shoot Betty Sue on the front row because she stole my boyfriend and ruins the curve on every test.  I could shoot her and then just say, “oops.”  I take aim and then realize that Betty Sue has an assault rifle the size of Vermont and is pondering whether to shoot me or either one of the guys in the back.  Dewayne, who left his gun at home that day, throws himself on the floor like some sort of table arrangement at a picnic and trips the security guard coming in the door which luckily for me is a good thing because that is when I realize that I am not only wearing all black that day but am making strange beep-beep sounds.

I hate Texas Republicans.  I really do.  The last damn thing we need is armed students at colleges. That is what caused the mess yesterday.  That is not what solved it.

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0 Comments to “Duck!”


  1. Barbinbastrop says:

    If Texas Repubs like guns so much, why do they not allow them on the floor of the Lege? They could do a really good job of protecting Liberty and God if they were all armed to the teeth and able to shoot all those damn Dems.

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  2. Ralph Wiggam says:

    It’s an arms race between the idiots and the criminals based on the concept of mutually assured destruction.

    I would have thought we could do better. I would have been wrong.

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  3. Absolutely…let us arm the hormone-ravaged youths who have yet to fully developed their frontal lobe and wise decision-making capacity.

    Not that I watched ’em, but just imagine one of those silly reality shows of under-25 year olds with everyone packing as they drama-excess all over the screen. Sooner or later, there will be a shooting.

    Memories of the emotional turmoil of high school and college makes me dread putting guns in the hands of anyone in that naturally manic state of teen and young adulthood.

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  4. Sam in Kyle says:

    I’m a full time student now so I’m on campus around kids most of whom are 1/2 or 1/3 my age. Most of their life revolves around school, partying, and sex (not in that order except during midterms and finals). These are the last people I want to see with a gun. There would be wholesale slaughter in short order. Think about how kids leave their backpacks lying around. How many guns would fall into the wrong hands this way? I’m a long time CHL holder and the LAST place I want to be around guns is on campus.

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  5. JJ,

    Yep. I hate RePigs as much as you do – sure hope you are watching Hillary EVISCERATE the imbeciles re Benghazi right now – their ignorance and feeble attempts at bullying are downright silly and asinine.

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  6. I want Rick Perry to explain why the prayers of the pastor in New Mexico weren’t enough to keep his son from killing him and the rest of his family.

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  7. As a former university professor, I would hate to think of my students having guns. There have been times that I’ve made a student so angry by saying something that challenged his or her worldview that I’m sure if they had been armed they would have shot me. I’ve also had confrontations in my office where I was worried and the kid didn’t have a gun. Not everyone, students and faculty, on a college campus is a wise, emotionally stable human bean.

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  8. As usual, Juanita Jean hits it out of the ballpark!

    Well said, Ma’am….well said.

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  9. For that matter, how are the police supposed to know which one is the good guy (heroically protecting the public, except for the ones he shoots accidentally) and which one is the bad guy?

    I guess the police should just shoot everyone holding a gun and let God sort it out.

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  10. If all college students are armed, innocent bystanders can’t get shot in the crossfire. Even gun toting fools know it looks bad for innocent bystanders to get caught in the crossfire.

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  11. Don A in Pennsyltucky says:

    An armed society is a polite society?

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  12. Is one of them required to go Beep Beep like the roadrunner or say, “Luke, I am your father”?

    That sentence Madam, is a thing of beauty!

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  13. Corinne Sabo says:

    I think the idiots own empty fields with potholes in them they hope to fill….

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  14. To be polite when armed, you have to be polite *before* you have a gun. You learn how to be polite really early…or not. Giving a rude person a gun doesn’t make him/her polite. Giving a mix of rude and polite persons each a gun does not make the rude ones polite. They will shoot first, instead.

    (I’ve read more Robert Heinlein than 99% of the girls of my generation, and I know he said *different things about guns in different stories.* Because he was a writer, which meant he knew it was fiction, and that meant he could make stuff up.)

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  15. Elise Von Holten says:

    My houseguest and I had a few less soft words over the “armed society is a polite society” BS statement–he’s ex military, grew up country, and hunts..I have been hunted, assaulted, grew up small town Az and been around enough violence to get angry really fast when the 2nd Amendments BS starts up…he did concede that the armed society would end up being a nightmare, because all the characters that would need to be played by Johnny Depp, (if life were a movie) outnumbered all the other players by such a large ratio that the normal people would just stay home and off the streets, leaving the devil in charge. I said that we should have all adults organized into rifle toting militias, 2week traing every year, the guns owned by the government, kept at home, used for hunting if you needed, but private ownership of handguns made no sense, and having a rifle assigned to you after your 4year stint of service(not war) then there would be no need for another gun buy–I’m into lots of things like a year of schooling– trades, college, any kind for every year served–so that we could rebuild our country, infrastructure, get people out and about in it and have our children travel here in the USA, tutoring, or being brought up to speed themselves, planting trees, restoring watersheds–all with a goal of at the end of 4 yrs service that would have all Americans able to read, balance a checkbook, cook a meal, mend clothes, run a computer program and have whatever traing they were headed into paid for—plus that 2weeks of training every year that keeps them part of the reserve for the hurricanes, tornados, any emergency that would need bodies out fast–singler payer health insurance would then be simple–attached to the service you had already given, everyone would be enrolled in a ten year time span–adding 5- 10 years 65–60 1st yr. 60–55next, then 50, 45, 40, 35, 30, 25, 20, 15—-everyone covered, no falling through the cracks, a VA/Medicare single payer system that has private outside insurance for those who want/can afford it–time to take the dangerous toys away and take care of our people.
    Our words got softer and he agreed that only the crazies would want that armed society–I wish it had felt more like a win.

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  16. Don Balya says:

    Let ’em all shoot each other. It would be the ideal way to rid society of the gunfreaks. To those who say “the only way you’ll take my gun is to pry it from my cold, dead hands” I say….Happy to oblige. An armed society is a polite society? Has the perpetrator of that piece of nonsense been to Canada?

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  17. UmptyDump says:

    Well said, Elise. Here’s an example of where our “polite society” of gun-toters is taking us:

    http://my.chicagotribune.com/#section/545/article/p2p-74142796/

    (This link probably will stop working in a few days.)

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  18. Somalia, Iraq, and Afghanistan are well-armed societies. Just saying…

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  19. Juanita, “You will know! You Will know!”

    “Your weapons, you will not need them…”

    But, then horror after you shoot the bad guy his head will turn towards you and you’ll realize you’re staring at your own face!!!

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