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UPDATED at the bottom —

Juanita was pretty much pleased with the election results last night.  We know that because she didn’t start throwing hairbrushes before her first cup of coffee this morning.  Even if Thelma did make the coffee and Thelma’s coffee has the same density and flavor of sludge.

“The progressives did well,” she grins.  “I was glad to see Blanche Lincoln get her rump roasted in Arkansas and a bright new face in Pennsylvania.”

“But even better than that was seeing the Republicans go the road less traveled — Crazyville.  Let’s talk about Rand Paul in Kentucky for a minute,” she says.

When Juanita says she wants to talk about something, Thelma sighs heavily because that means Juanita is gonna make fun of the Republicans.  Thelma is a provisional Republican.  There’s some kind of secret initiation to the GOP and we think Thelma has to violate at least three more commandments while talking about lovin’ Jeeesus before they give her a membership card.

“Ron Paul is one of the three congressvarmints in this county,” Juanita begins, “so we know him well.  First off, anyone with the emotional retardation to actually name their child after Ayn Rand is scary.  All the rest of us got over Ayn Rand by our senior year in high school.”

“And then to cuss that child with the load of joining the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse – war, pestilence, death, famine, libertarianism – is just mean.”

“So, poor Rand Paul didn’t stand much of a chance going in,” she admits.

“But, to stand in public and admit that you’re a hateful, greedy, prissy goat takes more gall than most folks can muster.  Except, of course, for those afflicted with a social disease – libertarianism.”

“Libertarians now call themselves the TEA Party because their followers can’t spell Freedom, much less libertarian,” she reports, “but they are looneytarians all the same.”

“I cannot tell you how much fun we’re gonna have with Rand Paul between now and November.  Well, I guess I could, but then we’d have to keep score and that’s a whole lot of trouble.  So, spend today celebrating the gift the GOP has given us and then start getting those Rand Paul jokes ready.”

UPDATE:

Okay, see, if Juanita  says it’s Christmas, you better go buy some little twinkling lights because she’s all that and a sack of okra.

This morning, Rand Paul said that country clubs are not all that exclusive because now there’s a black golfer.

ROBIN: Some people find it a bit ironic that your victory party last night was at a private country club in Kentucky. Doesn’t that kind of send a mixed message there?

PAUL: I think at one time people used to think of golf and golf courses and golf clubs as being exclusive. But I think in recent years now you see a lot of people playing golf. I think Tiger Woods has helped to broaden that in the sense that he’s brought golf to a lot of the cities and to city youth, and so no, I don’t think it’s nearly as exclusive as people once considered it to be.

“Yeah, you can count on black folks to bring something down to the common people,” Juanita grins.

“I’ll give Rand Paul a dollar for every African American he’s played golf with at his country club,” Juanita promises, “and two dollars for every woman he’s played with.”

Juanita thinks she won’t have to open her wallet.

“This guy is gonna be such fun!”