You know how Hansel and Gretel left cookie crumbs to find their way home? Well, Bubba and I left barbeque rib bones.

We are eating our way back to Texas.

I have a story for you. Yesterday we spent two hours roaming backwoods Tennessee looking for two wineries. I drink wine but Bubba drinks sweet tea. But he’s a sweet man and lets me stop at wineries.

We were so deep in the backwoods that we had no cell phone reception. Hell, Onstar couldn’t even find these little towns. The first winery was run by two women and it was real cute but
wine was secondary to bedazzled tee shirts.

We start looking for the second one and just about the time we started hearing banjo music we find it. It was in some guy’s garage.

A guy who put the gerrrr in grizzled came out of his house. There were rocks in his yard younger than he was. Big guy. Callused hands. Lotsa gray hair.

The winery was in his his garage and he came down on the non decorating side of HGTV. Vern Yip would have cried.

He gave me sips of something he labeled Rotgut. It was on the sweet side but very drinkable with spicy food. I tried a couple other ones and was impressed with some very decent $12 wine made by a guy in overalls and a gimme hat.

He chatted up Bubba and me asking where we were from and hardily approving of Texas. Bubba, who never comes down on the safe side of interpersonal relationships, spurts out that we are returning from the Democratic National Convention.

Holy crap.

Doesn’t Bubba know where the hell he is? Is he goofy on sweet tea and rotgut fumes?

The owner slams his hand down on the counter with such force that I suddenly understood why there were no pictures hanging on the wall. I head for the door because I do not mess with snakes, alligators, and grizzled old men.

He then roars, “Goddam it, son, I want to shake you hand! That sumbitch Romney scares the crap outta me.”

I thought he was gonna hug Bubba. And probably break him.

We then stood stunned as he cussed Republicans right, left, and sideways. We were treated to a sparkling 15 minute rant about Republicans. He loves Bill Clinton, thinks people who don’t like Obama are racists, and wants Hillary to run in 4 years because she’s tough.

Bubba went out to the car and got him a rally sign from the convention. He loved it and headed to show it to “the wife.”

As we left, he shouted at us that he likes Texas okay but those Bushes are sumbitches.

I left with six bottles of decent wine and a smile on my face.

Just thought you’d want to know.