On The Other Hand, It’s a Good Way To Get Your Fields Plowed
Yep, East Texas.
It seems that a psychic who goes by the name of “Angel,” and don’t we all, told the police that she had a vision that a couple dozen dismembered bodies were in a field in Liberty County. Well, I guess it was more than a vision because Jesus was involved.
“I am a reverend,” she said. “I am a prophet and I get my information from Jesus and the angels. I told them that I had 32 angels with me and they were giving me the information and then it went from there.”
And where did it go?
Again I remind you that this is East Texas. This being the closest thing to an actual police investigation that Liberty County has seen in a spell, it went to a major news conference with the Belo corporation sending helicopters and a couple of truck with antennas that’ll pick up Mars to the backyard of a house owned by normal people named Joe and Gena. Since the news media showed up, so did the FBI, DPS, and a particularity curious chapter of the PTA.
Okay, so I made up the PTA part. So sue me.
An actual photo from the actual scene on a road outside the actual farmhouse.
And after conferring on proper police procedure what with Jesus being involved and all, they decided to dig up the backyard of Joe and Gena, the normal American family.
The digging commenced …
An actual news screen of an actual helicopter shot of the actual farmhouse of Joe and Gena
And they kept digging until the could hear people speaking Chinese on the other end.
Actual news media at the actual scene of the actual digging.
So Joe and Gena ended up a hole the size of a moon crater in their backyard and plenty of people suspecting that they were the Boston Strangler and Lizzy Borden. I mean, why the hell else would Jesus and the 32 Angels tell Angel the Psychic something like that?
Well, of course, they found nothing in the backyard, except dirt.
Now, I’d like to tell you that this was one of those, “Fool me once, shame you you. Fool me twice .. you can’t get fooled again” things that George Bush was fond of.
But, it wasn’t.
Come to find out, Angel the Psychic kinda made a habit of calling the police with bad tips. So, Joe and Gena are suing the whole bunch of them – the police, Angel the psychic, Belo corporation, everybody.
The police say they were just following procedure.
So, lookie here, if you would please call the Liberty County Sheriff’s Office and tell them that you had a vision that the DNA of Jimmy Hoffa can be found in the dust on the tops of my ceiling fans so they better come over here and get it all and analyze it, I’d surely appreciate that.
Not an actual picture of the actual ceiling fan in my actual house.
Thanks to Diane for the heads-up.
Hal didn’t clean those for you before he left for CA?
1I heard about a fella that might have some dynamite you could use to clean your fan.
2I swear to the Big Guy aka God … that the folks in almost ALL of Texas proper are nuttier then a squirrel’s winter stash … except, of course, for you Juanita Jean … you seem like the only normal one of any of them! Oh … it is going to be a long, hot summer!!
3These are the same folks who vote for Louie Gohmert????
I suspect “Angel” is one of his biggest supporters.
4Reminds me of that old joke with a bank-robbing son…
Father too old to prepare garden.
Son wrote saying, don’t dig there because that’s where he stashed money.
Cops dig up the backyard.
Son then writes, now you can plant your seeds for the garden.
Personally, I hope they do win suit. I’m fine with the police having to investigate the tip, but not with destruction of property as you investigate a parapsychological tip–and that is with me being a psychic.
5Is Louie Gomert the carrier of crazzzy in East Texas or is he just one of the afflicted? Psychics, idiot police chiefs, and angels? Remind me never to visit that area.
East Texas – Proof God has a sense of humor.
6ladies and Gentlemen: the Black Crowes
She never mentions the word Schizophrenia
In certain company
Yes, she’ll tell you she’s a reverend
And a prophet certainly
She calls the police every night now
With the clues to solve the crime
Yeah she gives a smile when she’s proved wrong
And claims she was right all the time
Chorus:
Says she talks to Jesus
He tells her clues all the time
Oh yeah, she also talks to angels
Says that’s also her own name
She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket
She wears a cross around her neck
Yes the hair is from a little boy
Buried where? The cross ain’t said
Not yet
Says she talks to Jesus
He tells her where to dig for fame
Oh yeah, she also talks to 32 angels
Says they call her out by her name
She don’t know no lover
None that I ever seen
And to her that ain’t nothing
But to me it explains everything
She needs to better spend her nights now
Instead of watching crime TV
Even booze is a better pastime
Than harassing families
She talks to angels
7Says they tell her she don’t need a life
Oh yeah, yeah angels
Say she’d be wasted as a wife
Oh, oh, oh angels
And little baby Jesus too
Oh, she talks to angels
They call her out,
Yeah, yeah call her out
Don’t you know that they call her out
By the same name
Why would they need to investigate a tip given by someone who isn’t claiming even 4th hand gossip about a crime, Star? If I said the Flying Spaghetti Monster told me you had 7 pounds of heroin in a sparkly handbag at the back of your closet, the cops wouldn’t bother to come to your house nor should they. They likely would haul me in for 72 hours of psychiatric observation though.
Well, that’s what would happen in most places. Not Liberty County evidently.
I hope Joe and Gena end up with a wheelbarrow of money.
8Now, now now…wait just a minute here Juanita Jean, you forgot about the last big police investigation in Liberty County. Remember when the Dairy Queen shot and killed her husband, the late Speaker of the House Price Daniel, Jr? and then the big city lawyer rode into town and got her acquitted even though she blew him away at point blank range with a rifle……and of course she got the last laugh – if you could call it that…they made one of those high fallutin tv movies out of the whole mess and as I remember they made the Liberty County law boys look like they didn’t know what side they were on.
So there is hope for Joe and Gena….but I personally would prefer they refill the hole unless they get a big cement pond for everyone.
9Don’t they have any dogs in East Texas? When I’m looking for a dead body I generally start with a good dog.
10So police procedure in Liberty County is: anytime a self-proclaimed nutty psychic or medium or maximum or prophet comes up with something that sounds like an episode of “CSI: Jasper”, they deputize Bubba and his cousins, borrow some dogs from the TDCJ and alert the nooz media?
New tourism slogan: “East Texas-We Can’t Make This Stuff Up”
11So . . . .Will Angel be filling the hole back in and going to each and everyone of the normal couple’s neighbors to relate what a big ole butt she is? I believe that the personal touch is warranted. Plus Angel needs to let someone with a degree in psychology talk to her after this. Maybe Jesus and the 32 angels are a bit too busy right now trying to get the Vatican to stop picking on the American nuns.
12Next time this happens will somebody PLEASE notify me before it’s all over? I would have loved to show up at this stunning little cluster[deleted for fear of Juanita Jean’s mamma]k in time to live blog it, live tweet it, live Facebook it, and livedrunk it.
13A certain presidential candidate with a rock in his hat could have told them “Ain’t no bones here!”
14I was under the impression everybody had bodies buried in the backyards in Texas…I thought they were issued either when you reached age of consent or moved permanently from another state…(which of course the out-of-staters were quite a few of the backyard inhabitants themselves.)
15Saw the word “Fox” on the screen and that showed me all I need to know.
16Angela, Angela, they don’t listen to Jesus anymore, just old pretty-speech Benedict. Jesus wore a tunic, not a skirt, and He didn’t have a funny hat, so what does He know? And EVERYBODY, especially good Catholics (I’m a lousy one) knows that ABORTION is the real problem with EVERYTHING and if we could just make a law against it like we used to have it would all suddenly be OK and even the gays wouldn’t plague us about getting married anymore, see?
And Chip you are a man of many parts and awesome talent!
And Harold, I am REALLY sorry you didn’t get to drive over to Liberty Co and help, it would have been so much fun, I’m laughing just imaging what you might have said, sigh.
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