And This Pretty Much Explains South Carolina’s Win
Luckily, we have the wise and wonderful research assistant Sybil at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc. Sybil has found the reason for the post we had yesterday about the Republican Party in South Carolina having actual dueling matches and a word war on Twitter.
They’ve outlawed sparkin’ in South Carolina. Well, just for Republicans.
According to new rules just adopted by the Laurens County GOP, no candidate will wind up on the primary ballot who hasn’t passed a purity test.
Among the new requirements to run as a Republican in this county in the June 12 legislative primary, according to The Clinton Chronicle, are that aspiring candidates must have abstained from sex before marriage.
And once they ace THAT test, they must take a pledge that “You cannot now, from the moment you sign this pledge, look at pornography.”
You know, a little wine, a little porn, a little hoochy … maybe that would put this whole dueling thing to rest. I mean, not to be indelicate, but hell a man’s gotta shoot off somethin’, Honey. It’s gonna be his mouth, his gun, or … mattress thrashing. The first two just end up in a war of words and a dueling match.
Sadly, according to news sources, there are “28 different pledges candidates must swear to uphold if they want to hold office under the banner of the Republican Party.”
They include book readin’, unnecessary dancing, a full set of teeth, jeggings (okay, I agree, everybody should have to sign that pledge), even saying the words “united nations,” talking French, voting to add “Under God” to Take Me Out To The Ballgame, and hating George Clooney.
Okay, so I made that stuff up but I swear to all that is fun and enjoyable that my made-up list is probably less restrictive than their real list.
I am happy to report that there are some good Democrats in South Carolina.
South Carolina Democratic operative Lachlan McIntosh said in an email that he finds it interesting a party so preoccupied with buzzwords like “freedom” seem to oppose it on a regular basis.
“It sounds like a little porn might do these folks some good,” McIntosh said.
Ya think?
Thanks to Sybil, purveyor of fabulous purses, for the heads up.
What ever did we do for entertainment before republicans went forthy-mouthed crazy? Newt, standard setter of GOP morality, got over 40% of the primary vote in Laurens County leading Romney by a bunch. Ricky Chastain, High Sheriff of Laurens County, caused quite a stir by knocking up one of his subordinates and driving her to get an abortion in a county owned vehicle. Ricky is running for re-election. His party, do you even have to ask?
1When it comes to pure hatred and stupidity it’s hard to top Virginia’s rejection of a well-qualified prosecutor to be a judge for the crime of being “gay”. Of course confusing your beliefs with real Christianity to justify sticking a magic wand up a woman’s hoo hoo is perfectly OK. These people disgust me.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/va-politics/virginia-general-assembly-rejects-openly-gay-prosecutor-for-richmond-judgeship/2012/05/15/gIQAvZKSSU_story.html
2John Boehner (do we get to pronounce it boner?) says we have to cut the budget. Let him start with finding 5% in his own district to cut. Every member of the House of Reps. should have to find 5% in his/her own district to cut. No trades, no committees, no excuses. Pass it on.
3Those Republicans will need to change their name to the Prelapsarian Party if they want that much “purity.”
4Damn. What a really, really bad time….. to have run out of Merlot.
5Whatta you want to bet about 99% of those Regressives taking the pledges lie? Sounds like that county is trying to form a religious cult instead of a political organization, but with the Regressives it is hard to tell the difference. Very strange considering most of them would bonk a snake for donations if someone would hold its head. (Sorry, Mama, I said it as nicely as I could.)
6So, they have to attest they never had sex before marriage, and will never, ever look at pornography.
Obviously, these are issues that can only be based upon the word of the person signing the pledge unless people step up with evidence to counter the attestation.
Who are these people who would take the word of a politician?
To the members of the Laurens County GOP – you personify Gullibility and Naivete. Either that or you are just dumb ass stupid.
7Those people are wound too tight and not wrapped tight enough. They also have WAY too much time on their hands. I mean really, who — other than a defrocked deacon — has the time to think up those things?
8Gosh! These people make the DC City Council look like real saints and scholars! Thank You Very Much, SC GOP! Keep up the good work!
9Miemaw – Sorry about the lack of Merlot. May I suggest that vodka (mixed with damn near anything), when consumed in sufficient volume will make you forget all about it.
10You think that the ability to read and comprehend above a high school level would be first on that list.
Ahh… republicans. Good for a laugh and then a cry for our country.
11Sam in Pearland: the VA GOP rejected the overqualified gay man as a judge because he supported gay civil rights and so was biased. I assume they’d also think that a black nominee who supported black civil rights was biased…. (Hell, maybe they would. Look at Clarence Thomas.)
12Ms. Juanita,
13How’s the purse holding up? I have the one with RuPaul on it!