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Those who have been around here for a while know that Juanita hates, hates, hates the electronic voting machines that we use in Fort Bend County.

“First, they require that you trust machines, which anybody who’s lost a quarter in a coke machine ought not to,” she starts.  “Then you have to trust a computer, which I don’t because those things up and die on you with no warning.  And when they die, they take everything with them.”

“And, finally,” she continues, “you have to trust the geeky people who program the machine.  Come on now, do you really trust that kid in third grade who ate paste and could do long division in his head?  I didn’t and I still don’t.”

And, as if to prove her point for her, the wildly expensive electronic voting machines we got suckered into buying several years ago when the federal government under George Bush was giving away money fast as he could failed today during the runoff.

“It’s taking much longer than natural to vote today because each voter is required to stand there, presumably eating paste, while the election officials call the voter office to confirm which primary this voter can vote in.  Were it not for the good work of AT&T, we would have 150 tin cans and string to confirm that you’re a voter,” she figures.

“It’s not just gosh-awful today because it’s just a primary run off, where only mothers of the candidates vote anyway, but if this were to happen on election day, it would be tar and feather time.  People do not want to stand there and wait while their personal information is being transferred over telephone lines to give them the okay to vote,” Juanita suspects.

“If this were to happen in November, which I have a feeling this might all be a dress rehearsal for in case Obama gets a big surge and local Republican start seeing their hold on the government teat disappearing, I am not going to be happy.”

If Juanita ain’t happy, nobody in ear shot or driving distance is gonna be happy.

“I want a paper ballot.  I do not like little twirly knobs and switches that cannot even be re-counted.  I want a damn paper ballot, proving that I voted.  Nobody would be standing around waiting today if we had paper ballots.  If we ran out of pencils, we could go buy some more.  This ain’t philosophy or physics.  This is simple.”

So if you’re standing around today waiting to vote and the telephone lines go down and we have to call the pony express to verify you being a voter, please know that Juanita is on your side.