Franklin, I am totally convinced that you are making little baby Jesus cry.

Tell me, Franklin, am I a Christian?  Is Thelma?  How about Junior and BubbaX, are they Christians?  Since you know our hearts as well as you know Rick Santorum’s or anyone elses, surely you have an answer for us.  We’re waiting.

I have no idea why you think that if you smile all the damn time, you can say hateful things about the souls of other men in a voice that you indicate is the voice of God on earth.  Sweet Jesus cried, got angry, and even called out in desperation.  Sweet Jesus understands out frailties and our hearts.  You, Franklin, do not.

Sweet Jesus had plenty to say about poverty, war, greed, and haughtiness, which, of course, are the four planks of the GOP platform.  Why don’t you talk about that for a while?

Look, I know I have backsliding blisters on my butt, but these Super DeLux brand Christians are really starting to get my goat.