According to Gail Collins of the New York Times, Governor Rick Perry decided to re-enter the Presidential race while jogging.

After his fifth-place finish in Iowa, Rick Perry suspended his campaign but then tweeted, “Here we come, South Carolina.” This appeared to surprise some of his staff, who seemed to feel as if their long political nightmare had ended in Des Moines. But it turned out that Perry had jogged his way back into the race.

“I was out on the trail when it kind of came to me,” he said.

As you might have been taught in kindergarten, not every idea you have while drifting off to sleep or out jogging is a good idea.

Apparently, Governor Rick Perry has had some other ideas about this whole secessionist thing while he was out jogging.

Boats!  Dammit, the Texas Highway Department needs boats!  Big ole fast boats!

With guns, no, cannons.  Nah, make that big ole honker  machine guns.  Loud ones!

And one of these won’t cut it.  We need a fleet of these suckers!

“A new fleet of patrol boats is poised to join the battle along the Rio Grande and international lakes.”

Honey, don’t you think this is a little overkill for Falcon Lake?

Governor Perry now has a fleet of six of these boats at $580,000 each.  They were funded by the Texas-is-so-broke-we-can’t-buy-textbooks-or-provide-health-care-for-poor-children Legislature and the dreaded, awful, socialist Federal grants.

I swear to God that he’s gonna put these suckers on the Sabine and Red Rivers and declare himself President of Texas.

Thanks to Brian and Laura for the heads-up.