You know Texas?  The state where we’re so broke that we have to fire teachers and throw grandma off the mental health rolls so now she’s taken to throwing rocks at invisible birds again?  Yeah, that state.

Well, rumor – and not much else – has it that our Governor is running for President.  When he and his lovely wife travel all over the country pretending to be people who are taken seriously, they have been taking their Texas Trooper security detail with them because the Governor is scared of snakes and his lovely wife is scared somebody might muss her hair.

This is not free.

The tally for September alone shows $397,714 in expenses for 30 out-of-state trips by the law enforcement detail that provides security to him and his wife, Anita, according to records released Monday by the Texas Department of Public Safety.

That brings the total for such trips to $762,680 from his November 2010 re-election through Sept. 28. The expenses include such items as airfare, food and lodging for the security detail.

Now you might be wondering how it is that Perry’s vast political funds can pay for the campaign expenses but not the security detail.  Well, Rick Perry has an answer for that.

Even before he announced for president, Perry said when asked about security costs that it would be appropriate for the state to foot the bill, asserting that regardless of whether he aimed at the White House, “I’m going to be promoting Texas wherever I go.”

I WANT MY DAMN MONEY BACK!  (Yes, as a matter of fact, I most certainly am hollering.)  If that ain’t consumer fraud, I do not know what is.

Rick Perry has made a fool of Texas.  There are entire states of people who cannot say Texas without guffawing.  You are not promoting Texas, Governor, you are demoting Texas.  Hell, Bud, you’ve made Mississippi look like an intellectual garden land.

Rick Perry is dead as a presidential candidate – he just won’t lay down.  But the reason he won’t quit is that he still has millions left in his campaign account.  Maybe we could teach grandma to throw rocks at him.