Lloyd Criss is a very good person not to mess with.

I love Lloyd Criss, and I would love him even if I wasn’t half scared to death of him.

First off, he’s big enough to fill a huddle all on his own.  Hell, a picture of him weighs 5 pounds.  He’s the only thing in Texas that big without John Deere stamped on it.  He’s double big.

Lloyd Criss

Lloyd has been a member of the State Legislature, a member of the State Democratic Executive Committee, Democratic County Chair in Galveston County since before Elvis died, and won every award you can name, but his proudest boast is that he can whip your butt, both figuratively and literally.

Lloyd came up through union politics, where fistfights are as handy as legislation.  In his autobiography, Lloyd tells about how his friends Butterbean and  Snake got into a fight one night and somehow Lloyd got his teat bit off.  Seriously, Lloyd is a one teat man.  So, the last time Lloyd and I got into a little tussle over a candidate in the primary, I threatened to bite his other teat off.  Thankfully, Lloyd has a sense of humor or I would be the oil spot formerly known as Juanita.

So yesterday Lloyd goes to vote.  Here, in his own words, is what happened.

Today I went to my voting precinct today at City Hall in La Marque to vote on the Constitutional amendments. I produced my voter registration certificate. Every person in the room knew who I am. The people in charge looked on the computer and said I had to produce a driver’s license or a voter ID to be eligible to vote. I was not allowed to vote. What worries me is how many others through the process of this election were denied the RIGHT TO VOTE due to the ignorance or incompetence of those in charge of this election. Someone needs to know about the law and the rights of voters if they are to conduct elections and I am not talking about the innocent voting clerks and judges at the precinct level. They were just following instructions from above. I do not know who exactly is at fault, but I believe they should be held accountable.

Honey, I would rather be held over the open pits of hell by a fraying thread than held accountable by Lloyd Criss.

When you say your prayers tonight, thank God that it wasn’t you who refused to let Lloyd Criss vote.

Did I mention that his daughter is a Galveston County district court judge and that his son is a Golden Gloves champion?  And that more lawyers and longshoremen owe him favors than Georgia has peanuts.

Lloyd may be 70 years old, but he can come at ya so many ways that he doesn’t even have to catch ya.