Doesn’t every little boy at some point want to be a firefighter or a cop? Apparently, even rich little boys like Eric Trump do. So of course, the Sheriff of St. Lucie County, FL, came through and deputized him.

Never mind that he has NO law enforcement background or training. And he doesn’t even live in St. Lucie County. Neither is required in Floriduh. As long as you meet ‘minimum recruitment requirements’, you get full powers of arrest. Unless you are only hired to write parking tickets.

How does this happen? Well,  you know there’s a back story, but it involves ethics investigations of the current and former sheriffs, big buck fundraisers for DeSantis, and more tangled webs than I wanted to get into here. You are welcome to follow links in the article for some fascinating reading if you have nothing else to do. Bottom line, Sheriff and Governor are fan boys of TFG over in Mar a Lago.

Karma had an opinion. The next day, a tornado in advance of Hurricane Milton hit the Sheriff’s Department Building. Thank you, Karma, you B!

Don the Con is here today on the Left Coast, trying to scare up more voters with the countdown to November 5th getting lower than his approval ratings here.

I’m kidding.

Von Shitzenpantz has no more voters here that are available to persuasion. Not. One.

But grifters gotta grift, and there are vast treasures in the California desert to rake in.

So Coachella it is, and it is today that another sheep shearing has been scheduled to replenish The Don’s dwindling lucre. Because it has come to this: swing state voters have lost their allure for Bronzer Boy. They’re in flyover states, for one, and for another, that’s not where the money is. It’s next door in Orange County. And it’s definitely in Rancho Mirage, a mere stone’s throw from Coachella Valley.

So, if you’re going to the Calhoun Ranch today to see TFG at his massive rally, bring lots of cash for bibles, trading cards, high tops, watches, and TFG water. And the weather is perfect! It’ll only be a mild 102°F (39°C) today.

Getting TFG’s goat has become the new national pastime. This piece in The Atlantic explains the whole thing as a recent phenomenon that is in direct opposition to Michelle Obama’s oft-repeated platitude “When they go low we go high.” It might have all started, as the article suggests, with Tim Walz’s “weird” comment, but I’ve heard wry wit about him on late night shows for years.

So to get ready for tomorrow’s cartoon bonanza, here’s some bad and not-so-bad jokes about Bronzer Boy.
__________________

Trump was visiting an elementary school class. He asked the class to give an example of a tragedy.

A boy raised his hand. “My aunty died last week. That was a tragedy.” Trump said, “No, no, believe me that was a loss, not a tragedy.”

A girl raised her hand. “My Daddy fell off a ladder and broke his arm. It was a tragedy.”
Trump said, “No my dear, that was an accident.”

Another girl raised her hand. “If you, sir, are flying in an airplane and a missile shot it down, that would be a tragedy.” Trump responded, “Very good! Tell the class why that is a tragedy.”

“Well, Mr. Trump, she replied. “It certainly would be no loss and I am sure it wouldn’t be an accident!”
—–

Four doctors were sitting together were having coffee.

The English doctor bragged. “We are so clever that we transplanted a heart into a patient and he was able to function properly in a few months!”

The German doctor replied, “That is nothing. Our country is so advanced that we were able to replace a man’s backbone and in a few weeks he is able to walk!”

The Russian doctor interrupted them. “My country is above all of you. My patient needed a whole brain transplant and in a few days he is able to walk AND find a job.”

The American doctor said, “We are the most clever people. We treated a man with no heart, no backbone and no brains and he became our president overnight!!!”
—–

Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald was quick to stop him, jokingly saying, “No thanks. My wife, Melania, will smell that and think I’ve been in a brothel.” The second barber turned to Barack and said, “How about you, Mr. Obama?” Barack replied, “Go right ahead, my wife, Michelle, doesn’t know what the inside of a brothel smells like.”
—–

Donald Trump and JD Vance are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn’t that Trump and JD Vance sitting over there?”

The bartender says, “Yep, that’s them.”

So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, what are you guys doing in here?’

Trump says, “We’re planning WW III.”

The guy says, “Really? What’s going to happen?”

Trump says, “Well, we’re going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big tits.”

The guy exclaimed, “A blonde with big tits?Why kill a blonde with big tits?”

Trump turns to JD and says, “See? I told you, no one gives a shit about 140 million Muslims.”
—–

During a dull White House dinner, Melania Trump leaned over to chat with Secretary of State.

“I bought Donald a parrot for his birthday. That bird is so smart, Donald has already taught him to say over two hundred words!”

“Very impressive,” said the SecState,. “But, you do realize he just speaks the words. He doesn’t really understand what they all mean”

“Oh, I know”, replied Melania, “but neither does the parrot.”
—–

Trump was in the Oval Office at 3 am, tweeting away. Suddenly, Satan appeared in front of him. “Donald,” he said, “I have a proposition. I will give you even more power and wealth than you can imagine, if you give me your soul.”

Trump sat back a moment and asked, “What’s the catch?”
—–

What’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

Donald Trump never had a garbanzo bean on his face.
—–

A guy walks into the local progressive book store. While perusing the racks the clerk came over and said “May I help you?”

“Do you have that new Donald Trump book, the one where he outlines how he feels about immigrants and Muslims?”

“Fuck you, shut up and get out!”

“Yeah, that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”
—–

A thief, a philanderer and a pathological liar walk into a bar and the barkeeper says “What’ll it be Mr. Trump?”
—–

At a news conference, a journalist said to the President, “Your former secretary said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you please comment on this?”

“The truth is,” replied Trump, “that she has a big mouth.”
—–

How many Donald Trumps does it take to screw in a light bulb?

We’ll never know. Once he’s done screwing something he pays it $130,000 to never talk about it.
—–

Once Donald Trump entered a bar. And he lowered it.
—–

Q: Why are Donald Trump’s ties so long?

A: Because they go all the way to Russia.
—–

Donald and I have a lot in common. We both live in New York, we both play golf, and we both fantasize about his daughter.
—–

Late in his term, President Trump wrote an order outlawing pre-shredded cheese.

This will make America grate again.
—–

Donald and Melania were walking across the White House lawn to the helicopter when Melania said, “Oh how sad! A dead bird.”

Donald looked up toward the sky and said “Where?”
—–

A boy was walking along the Potomac River in 2017 when he heard someone yelling “Help”. He saw someone in the water flailing his arms. The boy dove in and pulled the man to shore. He was shocked to discover that the man was Donald Trump. Donald said, “You have just saved the life of the president of the USA, and I am so grateful that I will do anything you want.” The boy asks, “could you arrange for me to be buried in Arlington national cemetery?” Trump asks, “Aren’t you a little young to be thinking about death?” The boy answers, “Not when my father finds out what I did today!”

As a public service, here are nine hurricane disaster rumors concocted between October 3rd and today (10/09), currently being spread online by people who find the need to pull alternative facts out of their A-Double-Scribbles. The list can be found here at the FEMA Rumor Response website along with explanations.

Some people have apparently found it completely necessary to scare the living bejeesus out of “MAGA Snowflakes.” No, I didn’t coin that term, but I wish I had.

▪︎ FEMA will only provide $750 to disaster survivors to support their recovery.

▪︎ FEMA is blockading people in Florida and preventing evacuations.

▪︎ FEMA only provides loans to disaster survivors.

▪︎ Applying multiple times for disaster assistance will speed up the process of being approved.

▪︎FEMA is no longer accepting applications for housing assistance.

▪︎ FEMA does not have enough money to provide disaster assistance for Helene.

▪︎ FEMA is asking for cash donations and turning away volunteers.

▪︎ Funding for FEMA disaster response was diverted to support international efforts or border related issues.

▪︎ FEMA is confiscating donations for survivors.

I know. These rumors are absolutely unbelievable and one wonders how anyone can swallow these lies made out of whole cloth. But then they tell me the whole presidential election is a tossup and is anybody’s to win. So if you need an explanation, there’s that.

Vice President Kamala Harris has admitted on 60 Minutes that she owns a Glock pistol, and The Daily Caller has called on her to … well … lay that pistol down.

Not that The Daily Caller is anti-gun. Far from it. The Daily Caller is a right-wing conspiracy spreader founded by former Fox News pundit and neofascist Tucker Carlson.

But oh, the hypocrisy! The humanity! A Democratic presidential candidate owns a pistol that is currently illegal to buy or sell in California!

It’s a hypocrisy the likes of which the entire world has never seen before. It’s bigly!

Harris’s Glock, as are all Glocks, is equipped to accept a 15-bullet magazine when, according to a California state gun safety law passed in 2000, the magazines cannot hold more than 10 rounds. Glocks are also not equipped with a loaded chamber indicator and magazine disconnect as required by California’s law.

Harris, they say, could be arrested! They could throw her in jail for a year! TFG may have 34 felony convictions, but he wouldn’t be the only presidential jailbird! Not by a long shot!

Or not.

Turns out the very same law exempts present and former law enforcement officers from its provisions, which Kamala Harris, as a former AG, is one of.

But she could be arrested if she wasn’t!

Near as I can tell, The Daily Caller wouldn’t object to every American’s God-given right to own a TOW anti-tank missile launcher or an M249 Squad Automatic Weapon (a SAW machine gun). But somehow, Harris’s ownership of a Glock pistol is an issue worth column inches.

I gotta say, when the neofascists want to show off their hypocrisy, they do go all out, don’t they?