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Worst episode of Hollywood Squares ever.

Feel free to discuss the GOP debate here.

Here’s the bottom line for me.  Like Trump, I won because I didn’t attend.

I did, however, hear that the most discussed Republican news of the night is that Ramaswamy is the biggest menace to society since Obama left office.

I work with statistics on a daily basis. I look at all kinds of data for students. We look at standardized test scores, achievement scores, benchmark testing, Then, we look at data from diagnosticians, LSSPs, specialists, curriculum coaches, and occasional outside experts. Then, when I go home I pour through comprehensive baseball statistics and football statistics. Then, yesterday I was perusing X, Twitter, or whatever the hell it wants to be called today.

Biden won 477 counties
Trump won 2,497 counties

Who do you think won the election?

Something isn’t adding up.

— Brigitte Gabriel (@ACTBrigitte) August 21, 2023

We have seen this the past three years in a number of different places. More people attended Trump’s rallies. More people have Trump merchandise. People are more enthusiastic Trump supporters than Biden supporters. Trump received more votes in 2020 than he did in 2016. We see this kind of logic from sports fans. My team gained more yards than their team. My team had more hits and baserunners than their team. My team had a better shooting percentage than their team. These things may be true and often are. They prove nothing. It is the final score that matters. Certainly, secondary numbers can inform our strategy moving forward, but could you imagine Philadelphia Eagles fans suggesting they really won the Super Bowl because of some obscure stat they led in? It’s pure madness.

Historically, we saw an extreme version of the above. England used to use a system known as virtual representation. Voting districts didn’t change, so there were literally places where there were no people, yet those places had a representative. They were called rotten boroughs. This system even played a role in the coming revolution in the Americas. Ironically, we are getting close to that today. Harris county has nearly five million residents. Loving county in west Texas has 58 people as of 2023. In Brigette’s world they are the same. We’ve all seen electoral map where seemingly the entire country is painted red with the exception of the major cities. Land doesn’t vote. People vote. If you take away the red paint from the areas that don’t have people then we notice how much the map turns blue.

California has more than 38 million people as of 2023. Connecticut has 3.6 million people and ranks 29th in population. If you add together states 30 through 50 you wind up pretty close to the population of California. California has two senators. Those states get 40 combined. The two parties are very much divided along urban and rural lines. Smart sports teams utilize statistics as a way to improve their overall performance. If I’m good at shooting threes then I want to shoot more threes. If I am better at running the football then I want to run the football more. If my bullpen is better than my rotation then I want to maximize my bullpen. These teams don’t zero in on stats to prove they really won. The final score tells us who won. They use those stats to inform their strategy moving forward.

The GOP could use these numbers they are wielding to inform strategy, but instead they are suggesting they really won. Biden couldn’t have won. He didn’t hold big rallies. He didn’t sell a bunch of merch. Smaller counties went for Trump and the map is glowing red. The trouble is that none of these things really matter. Democrats and independents could honestly care less about merch and being more obnoxious than our opponent. We just voted in larger numbers for Joe Biden. It happens when the other candidate is a bloviating jackass.

Okay, so here’s the deal.  Yesterday I get this official warning on my phone, my watch and my email, all at once, like the world is coming to an end.

Look, I live on the Texas Gulf Coast, where this summer all that separates us from hell is a barbed wire fence and it’s down in a few places. We get two to three weather warnings a day so normally I’m not impressed by warnings, until …

What in tarnation is a “red flag warning?” I do not know, and I do consider myself to be an educated woman. I scored a 780 on the SAT verbal, dammit. I admit that was a long time ago but I remember most of the words and can still probably whip your butt at Scrabble.  So don’t sass me about words.

And, while you’re at it, do not send me a warning without telling me what I should be scared of.  That’s like sending me an official government text that says, “PANIC!” and that’s all.

My young friends tell me that there’s a comedian on the internet machine named Matt Rife who talks about red flags as indicators of people you are dating who have personality disorders. I am not currently dating and find it intrusive that the government thinks I am.

Okay, so there’s a link in this message. It takes you three full page scrolls on your phone to find out what a red flag warning is and by that time you probably would have died without even knowing why.

This is exactly what it says, ellipsis and all.

“A red flag warning means that critical fire weather conditions are either occurring now … or will shortly.”

Okay, so not only is that not the least bit instructional, two days before this red flag crap, I got this message from the same damn place:

I am told there is a blue flag warning that means a police officer is down.

So, I guess I’ll make a list:

Green flag warning: don’t eat the hamburger meat.

Yellow flag warning: larger than average sun today.

Lavender flag warning: People in drag at the library.

Orange flag warning: Trump trial starts.

Free free to add to the list.