Archive for July, 2023

I Never Have Any Fun

July 06, 2023 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I have a game with several of my girlfriends. When we see another female behaving in outrageous stuff or weird things, our code phrase is, “I never have any fun.”  It is said in a dramatic voice with a slight eye roll.

This all started when a long-time local police officer’s wife chased him down a residential street, shooting at him with his own firearm. She unloaded the weapon on him but missed every damn time.  But, the clincher was that she was mostly barefoot all over when she did it, causing us all to say, “I never have any fun.”

Please meet Laura Olson, 50, a four-time-divorced mother of two.  Olson is the mistress that Texas Attorney General was mattress thrashing with and she is named in the indictment of Paxton because he was using his influence to get her jobs closer to him.

Well, come to find out, Olson has a kind strange taste in men.  She likes bad boys. Not only was she doing the wild thing with Paxton while he was indicted on seven counts of stock fraud, but she was dating a San Antonio councilman who pretty much defines “legal problems.” He’s a mess.

I guess I need to add that neither man would fit the traditional definition of handsome. I guess when you’ve been married four times, you eventually run out of the top picks.

I never have any fun.

 

Marked Safe (so far) From the Tunnel Fire

July 03, 2023 By: Fenway Fran Category: Uncategorized

UPDATE: Last night, the Level 1 order was rescinded for our area. Folks on Underwood are still Level 3. Fire fighters are working to contain the 500 plus acre fire, now just 5% contained. Winds are quiet today, temps in the 90s so it’s hot work for the fire teams, plus lots of poison oak. I won’t unpack until the weekend, winds are supposed to crank up Thursday. We’ve had lots of offers of places to go so not worried about that part. Just want to get through July 4 without any new fires.

Fire Districts are important. I knew that, even while writing my snarky post the other day. We have had first hand experience with how critical they are, since moving to the PNW from Fort Bend almost exactly 16 years ago. Watching fireworks with our friends on Aubrey Butte in Bend that July 4 so many years ago, the last night on the road before we arrived in White Salmon, WA, we witnessed a few side fires that started from the annual fireworks display. They were quickly extinguished by local firefighters. The second summer we were here, a fire roared up the bluff from river level to devour several homes on Underwood, just across the White Salmon River from us. We were a little bit clueless then, to the dangerous possibilities should the wind shift, or strengthen. We nervously joked that we were living in a MASH episode, with helicopters constantly dipping into the river, then out to the fire and back. Right in front of our deck view.

Now, 15 years later, another fire has started very close to that first fire. This time it roared up the bluff, has taken 10 homes, caused evacuation of 1000 people, left wineries and vineyards to the powers that be. Whole livelihoods are at gone or at stake. I was with a bandmate in Bingen, practicing some marimba songs for the upcoming First Friday event in Hood River. We saw the plume of smoke go up. We saw the first aircraft arrive to start dumping water on the burgeoning fire. On my way home up the hill, the smoke intensified, by the time I got to my house on the bluff opposite Underwood, across the White Salmon River, the smoke was thick. The aircraft responding were impressive. Planes, helicopters, tankers…we had it all yesterday as the residents of Underwood found safety elsewhere.

We were assigned Level 1: Get Ready. So we packed. Clothes, toiletries, meds. Dog food. Important papers. Savings bonds. Passports. Computers. The 20 completed squares for my granddaughter’s afghan. Our best wines, waiting by the door to be thrown into the car. Hooked up the tent camper. Then at 8 pm, started making dinner and opening a good bottle of wine. Just because we were still at home. Our friend who is with Fire District 3 had been on the scene all day. He didn’t go home until midnight. He’s in his 70s. So much appreciation. We are all hoping that the wind gods decide to continue to lay low. Forecast is for 30-40 mph winds for Thursday-Saturday. This is why the windsurfers and kiters of the world gather here. In case you didn’t know.

Fireworks have been canceled in Bingen, Hood River, and Cascade Locks. They should be. Hood River is rescheduling their fireworks show for New Years Eve. Brilliant! Snow doesn’t burn. This is our new reality. Hotter and drier summers are not a good fit for fireworks, obviously.

We are hoping to escape bad stuff, like we did 15 years ago. Like we did when the volunteer FD came in to the newly opened (15 years ago) brew pub, Everybody’s, in town as a fire raged in the building next door to get us out before a propane tank blew. Like we did when I was in Charlotte at the National Convention in 2012, when another wildfire started a stone’s throw from our neighborhood and my husband was sending me photos of flames he could see from down the street. There are more stories, these are just a few. I won’t even go there with the Eagle Creek Fire, started by a teenager with fireworks, in the heart of the Columbia River Gorge National Scenic Area. All that said, I’ll take this over hurricanes, tornados, failed power grids, Ted Cruz, Greg Abbott, Dan Patrick, Ken Paxton, hot and humid, you get the picture. I do miss my friends, though.

Bottom line, fires and their smoke are coming for all of us. People who think it’s funny to write in fictional or insane or totally incompetent names during an election belong in ‘The Basket’. Totally Deplorable.

 

Oh Dear

July 02, 2023 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

When your entire life and legacy has come to this …

Lindsey Graham was booed for several minutes in his home state of South Carolina while he appeared to help stump for Donald Trump at the ex-president’s rally on Saturday,” Rolling Stone reports.

“From the moment the U.S. senator from South Carolina was introduced into when he was at the podium speaking, the gathered crowd mercilessly booed him.”

Later, Trump told rallygoers that Graham could help him get “liberal votes.”

I kinda suspect he went back into the far corners of his closet and sobbed.

I cannot think of a more satisfying day of karma than this.  A good spanking followed by a public slap on his naked hiney from the man he kowtowed to.  Just lovely.

I’m gonna smile all day at the thought that Lindsey Graham is a gatherer of liberal votes.  I wonder if he keeps them in a little basket.

 

Can’t Wait Till Friday Toon

July 01, 2023 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

 

Sumbitches.