Oh y’all, the deep state has all gone dandy deep. Majorie Taylor Greene thinks her teevee is spying on her.

https://twitter.com/mtgreenee/status/1672968710141747202?s=61&t=k-j6B4133Y0-zKSPxlzkFg

I, too, have seen some weird things on my teevee.  Zombies are real and so is Ron DeSantis.

In addition, I have appliances in my house that spy on me, too.  For example, I have a pint of Blue Bell ice cream in my freezer that out of the clear blue will call me by name. It will beg me in the most pitiful voice to come let it live in my warm and wonderful digestive system.  It won’t stop until I put some of it in a bowl.

My dryer hollers at me. If there is company in my house, it just buzzes loudly, but if I’m alone it clearly hollers, “Come get the clothes out of me, you dumb bitch, before they get all wrinkled up.”  My toilet calls me annoyingly, “Come jiggle this handle right now, Susan.”  How the toilet knows my name, I don’t know but I suspect there’s some kind of governmental DNA testing involved.

Like Ms Taylor Greene, I will now share my deepest secrets with you.  I am happy but only if I’m getting my way. I am overweight because of, well, the Blue Bell thing for one.  Like Willie, I no longer smoke but I do enjoy the edibles, my friend.

I am fully vaccinated, even against polio, so I worry about everything, most of them are rare tropical diseases the doctors have never heard of, or falling and not being able to get up but only because the teevee tells me I should. I am 76 years old and my heart rate, blood flow, and brain are all in working order today so who who the hell cares how long they are going to last? I figure that they’ve worked so far and that, my crazy friends, puts me way ahead of the game.

When you go to bed tonight, please take the time to thank God that you’re not whoever it is who has to spy on Majorie Taylor Greene.

Too good not to share right now.

In the search for honesty, we’re pedaling backwards.

Apparently we can’t tell the truth about telling the truth.

To make matters worse, it took ten years and a whole mess of repeating the false study before somebody thought, “you know, that doesn’t sound right” and checked the data.

The 2012 paper reported that asking people who fill out tax or insurance documents to attest to the truth of their responses at the top of the document rather than at the bottom significantly increased the accuracy of the information they provided. The paper has been cited hundreds of times by other scholars, but more recent work had cast serious doubt on its findings.

If you’re slapping your palm to your forehead, you’ve good aim.

Okay, we’ve been dealing with some serious stuff over the last several weeks, so here is something from the lighter side of the news. Feel free to insert air quotes around news at any time. A “news” report is circulating around Facebook from a group that calls themselves the Belmont News Network. Apparently, a 24 year old woman is convinced that she was impregnated by Big Foot. See, it’s a logical conundrum. Her 53 year old husband is apparently sterile, so there is no other logical explanation.

She went on a camping trip with her friends and one thing apparently led to another. Apparently Sasquatch has some game. Was alcohol involved? Come on, what kind of ridiculous question is that? Of course alcohol was involved. Maybe Big Foot brought in some meth as well. A Sasquatch gotta do what a Sasquatch gotta do. Hubby is not having any of it. Apparently, he’s going to give that hairy beast a piece of his mind when he sees him.

It’s at this point that I need to point out two important things. There is nothing remotely on the level about this story. It’s not even a particularly original piece of satire. Ultimately, it’s an important piece for a couple of reasons. First, it is becoming increasingly more difficult to tell fact from fiction. It used to be that you knew straight off that something was completely bogus. The tabloids would ring out their tried and true farce stories on the daily. Someone saw Big Foot the other day. Some actor has put on a ridiculous amount of weight. This aging star will die next week. Sonny Bono was elected to Congress. You know these tales. Occasionally they could combine some for some real entertainment. What if Big Foot discovered a miracle diet plan?

The second part of this is something I commonly refer to as magical thinking. Obviously this story is false, but the details in the story could be tweaked to reveal real beliefs by real people. Instead of believing the simplest and most logical explanation both seem to jump to the ridiculous. Is the belief that Trump is somehow still president, really sacrificed anything by being a soldier a fortune, or that JFK Jr. is still alive any less bizarre? Naturally, the fact that these people seem eerily immune to simple follow up questions is fantastical in a clinical sense.

Alright. I have one question for hubby in this scenario. If we are to assume that Sasquatch exists then wouldn’t it also make sense that there would be more than one Sasquatch? Big Foot is clearly a mammal. Clearly you believe that Big Foot reproduces sexually. So, wouldn’t it be logical that there would be multiple Sasquatch (what is the plural for Sasquatch)? If that is the case, then how could hubby possibly give him a piece of his mind? What if it is the wrong Sasquatch? Could this Sasquatch be given a polygraph? Would you need a warrant for DNA testing? I just have too many questions.

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Amidst all the chaos and chicanery, real life continues unabated. This morning my daughter and I awoke to a crackling sound. It sounded a lot like a kid playing with those poppers that make firecracker sounds. That image was dashed when I saw the fire suburban pull into the cul-de-sac and park on the common ground. They were followed immediately by two fire trucks. The entire cul-de-sac was engulfed with onlookers from the neighborhood.

Apparently, one of our neighbors (obviously we want to maintain a tiny bit of anonymity on their behalf) had some trouble with one of their cars. It somehow had some electrical issues and started to spark. The sparks caught and somehow reached the walls of the garage. One thing led to another and the garage was engulfed in flames. Luckily, it was one of those detached garages. That fact probably spared their lives and the lives of their animals. So, luckily the whole spectacle only created property damage. The car was destroyed and the garage is completely gone.

What’s the point? The point is that while all of the malarkey happening in Austin, Washington, and anywhere else government does it’s dirty business real life is occurring. People are going through things. Any one of us could have something like this morning happen. Any one of us could have a spark occur in a household appliance and see everything engulfed in flames. Any one of us could get a sudden cancer diagnosis or experience some kind of health emergency not related to cancer. Any one of us could be the victim of a violent crime. It’s all just too sobering.

Granted, no one in Washington, Austin, or any other statehouse can possibly prevent every disaster. No one expects them to. They couldn’t have prevented that fire anymore than we could a matter of feet from it. What they can do is make sure that emergency services are there to help as quickly as possible. They can pass laws and provide funding and oversight to mitigate all of the other things that I’ve mentioned in passing. We can find ways to curb the amount of gun violence. We could pass reforms to the health insurance industry and health care field to make sure that a cancer diagnosis doesn’t result in bankruptcy. We could safeguard women, people of color, and those in the LGTBQ+ community. We could safeguard our democracy.

So, what are our public servants in the U.S. House of Representatives doing? They are debating whether to impeach Joe Biden. What exactly would they impeach him for? We aren’t exactly sure. They aren’t exactly sure. You see, they don’t understand little pesky things like the rule of law. They don’t get it. They think when you charge an ex-president with multiple felonies that you need to respond in kind. Except they really can’t fathom who the you is. The you isn’t Democrats. The you isn’t Joe Biden. The you isn’t even the Attorney General. The you is a special prosecutor and a whole group of ordinary citizens that heard a ton of evidence and voted to charge the ex-president.

What’s the alternative on the other side? They have no evidence of wrongdoing. None. They keep floating sources that don’t materialize with damning evidence that never checks out. You can’t impeach a public official because you don’t like them. You can’t impeach a public official because you disagree with them. You certainly can make a public spectacle of yourself. You can snipe and shout down your former friends because they have gotten between you and the cameras. You can do all of these things, but the funny thing about seeking out that camera is that the world is watching. The world does notice. While you might have a few wingnuts and psychiatric patients applaud your efforts, the rest of country sees you aren’t doing their business. They never were. The house is on fire and some are fighting over who gets to be in front of the camera.

The pace and precision of the Department of Justice pursuing and punishing the criminals of the January 6th insurrection is impressive.

Despite some heavy sentences, most of them accept their fate.

But, not all of them.

WASHINGTON — A Donald Trump supporter who drove a stun gun into the neck of a Washington police officer who was abducted by the mob during the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol shouted “Trump won” after he was sentenced to 12½ years in prison Wednesday, multiple people present in the courtroom said.

In one of the most violent scenes of the day, Daniel Rodriguez damn near killed Officer Michael Fanone.

During the punishment phase, Rodriquez said …

“Life has always seemed unfair to me,” Rodriguez said, speaking of inequality in the country before referring to himself as “an American supremacist.” If he were allowed to go home, Rodriguez said, he would go back to “driving a forklift with my GED and living with my mom,” claiming he did not present a future threat.

Apparently the court didn’t take that seriously and gave him a hefty sentence. Rodriquez then proved the court right, yelling, “Trump won!” as he was taken into custody.

They never learn.