Guys, I’m usually pretty good at understanding, and when I look at things I can semi-acknowledge what I am seeing.

But Antifa stumps me.  Nobody can seem to explain to me what the fool tarnation it is and why it does terrible things in secret. I don’t get this secret thing. How does that happen?  There are supposedly thousands of Antifas all over the country who operate in complete silence.  I know for a fact that’s not possible.

Take Thelma, for example.  Thelma, who is known as The Texas Chainsaw Manicurist, knows every damn secret in this town and can keep a secret like it was her grandma’s heart.  But if you offered Thelma a fully equipped pink Winnebago with the Dolly Parton interior package and $10,000 cash money, she’d tell you everything she knows.

People can’t keep secrets.  And if you don’t believe that, look at Donald Trump.  Everybody he’s hired at the White House eventually rats him out.

There’s a thing in Texas that there’s no such thing as a live armadillo. Nobody has ever seen one – all you see are dead ones in the middle of the damn road.  Somebody out in West Texas goes all over the state leaving dead armadillos in the road.  Those suckers are born dead.  It’s a big conspiracy and I’m surprised if you haven’t heard it.

Which brings us to Antifa.

I figure I’m anti-fascist as anybody.  I’m also anti-Trump, which is pretty much the same thing.  So, I have decided that the beauty salon can be the Antifa World Headquarters.  We’ll get a banner and everything. Let’s see who shows up.

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Okay, I’ve decided to sue CNN for creating Coronavirus.  If they hadn’t talked about it, nobody would have died.  And if they don’t stop talking about it, I’m gonna stomp my foot and call my lawyer.

Yeah, Trump wants to rename the San Andres Fault the CNN Fault.

US District Judge Emmet Sullivan ordered an investigation into the dismissal of charges against Michael Flynn by the Justice department.

The results are back and it looks like an explosion of righteous indignation under a crate of total crap.

The court-appointed lawyer John Gleeson also argued that Flynn should be sentenced for lying, including for perjuring himself in court for admitting his crimes then disavowing them.

Gleeson also argued that the Justice Department decision to dismiss all charges against Flynn undermined “the public’s trust in the rule of law.”

Sullivan giving a sentence to Flynn — which could range from no prison time to a maximum of five years in prison–would be a way to restore order to the justice system, Gleeson wrote.

Barr needs to go to prison, too, but that’s just me talking.

Thanks to Epp for the heads up.

Okay, the first headline from CNBC.

And another one from today the Dallas Morning News.

Yes, Trump is coming tomorrow night at the height of the Coronavirus surge.

President Trump plans to announce a plan for “holistic revitalization and recovery” during a trip to Dallas on Thursday built around a high-dollar fundraising dinner expected to bring in $10 million.

All it’s gonna take is one sick waiter because you know Trump is not going to allow social distancing to make his crowd look smaller and none of the sumbitches will wear a mask.

I do not know what holistic revitalization is, but anytime I hear revitalization, I know some poor people are gonna get screwed. And since Trump is announcing it in front of very rich people, even the middle class will get screwed.

I guess by now most of you are semi-familiar with Texas Republican Congressman Dan Crenshaw.  The only thing you probably know is that he’s the guy with an eye patch from a war injury while he was a Navy SEAL.

You don’t know him for doing or saying anything while in congress because he doesn’t do diddle squat and says even less. He called the peaceful demonstration in front of the White House “a riot” and said it had to stop immediately. That’s all. He was overly concerned about a man’s death or even police tactics but the resulting riots were a national disgrace. He was not picked as a SEAL for his intelligence.

Anyway, the reason we’re going to take about him today is that the FEC wanted to know why Dan spent a large sum of money for “artwork” for his office.

The address listed is a Houston law firm but there’s no lawyer named “Turren” working there.

Hummmmmm….

Through the magic of modern Googleism, we were able to find artiste Kenneth Turren.

Yes, he will paint your family with Christ, and even make Christ look a little stoned.

I wanna see what Dan bought and see how he explains the check to the law firm.

Donald Trump has not enjoyed a cordial relationship with any of the Bushes.

Well, except for one and even other family members say he’s the dumb one.  George P Bush, son of a Jeb, is the Texas Land Commissioner (Rick Perry’s former job) and he’s certain that Trump is doing a great job.

“President Trump is the only thing standing between America and socialism,” the younger Bush said in response to an inquiry from The News, also confirming that he plans to formally endorse Trump.

Yeah, socialism.  Screw 110,000 people dying, thirteen days of record-breaking marches in the streets, and economy that’s only working for the very, very rich – screw all that because Joe Biden is just dripping socialism juice left over from the Obama administration, who George P also said was a socialist.

Dude, Trump makes your Uncle W look competent. Hey, only 1,800 people died in Katrina.